I can certainly plan to make sure I'm not alone and I intend to do that so I can stay safe. I also have reduced my access to medication and tried to focus on positive things.
I've realised my attempt was promoted by grief, wanting to join my nan, so hopefully o can have a therapy appointment soon to work through grief.
When are you next seeing your psych? Could you contact them in the mean time sometimes mine will tweak my dosage etc over the phone.
Do you think maybe you could work on a bit of an action plan with a member of your team?... early warning signs for a decline or elevation, practical things you can put in place. Signs of more significant changes in mood, when to seek extra help etc
Yeah I could do that with my psychologist I think. I think it would be a good idea for those moments where I have the "I'm going to have to engage in this" thoughts. Those are some good things to put into the action plan, thank you.
I thought I did grieve but it's been coming back a lot lately in my mind.
I'm seeing my psychologist on the 3rd of September, Psychiatrist the 9th. But when someone cancels with my psychologist they call me to see if I can take it. And I see my doctor in the meantime if things are extreme, too.
I don't know that I need to tweak my dosage, I think I just need to wait for it to "kick in".
Aimee im sorry my post is going to be rubbish and not very useful cos i dont have many words right now but i wanted to let you know ive read all this and your rant thread and im so so sorry things have been so hard and scary.
i was going to PM you but then remembered i couldnt (which is fine, i totally understand you needing some peace/a break from PM's!) so i thought i would leave you some love and hugs here instead.
Please keep hanging on in there and talking.Well done for managing to get help to yourself at the weekend and im so glad we didn't lose you.
Also well done for talking to people at uni about what you did and how things are for you.i know you dont really feel comfortable that you talked to all of them but i think its really brave that you talked at all and i hope they can help you through.
xx xx
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
I'm just really sad at the moment and very much overwhelmed with life, but not suicidal any more so that's a step forward. I have a lot of different things going on and I feel like I can't process them and I'm overwhelmed.
Even things like my chores for the day or what to eat frequently overwhelm me at the moment. And I have to plan for a party and do assignments and these things also.
My psychologist said I'm still tired from the overdose but also the trauma and such and she is right, and that I need to try and lower the bar/my expectations which I am trying to do. I'm trying to take things easy, make lists etc. I don't know what else to do but I guess I'm not suicidal so I'm okay.
I totally agree with ur psychologist Aimee! Although i would put a rider in their and say you need to try and lower the bar/expectations FOR THE TIME BEING! Basically taking a step back for the moment until everything else gets back into Kilter! Look at Aimee now compared to Aimee 5 years ago and the first thing that comes to mind is university degree COMPLETED The Post Grad is extra and is there any reason at all that if the worst does come to the worst and u need to break away that u can't just freeze the research that your doing just now and take it back up exactly where u left off a few months or a year down the line?
Basically you are needing to recharge ur batteries thats all but ur pushing forward on empty just now hence why ur not being able to rev back up to normal Aimee levels, But am under no doubts whatsoever when u do step back and u give urself a chance to deal with the sadness around ya then u will pick up again and by this time next year we'll be saying that was a nasty unexpected Blip But a Blip it was! xx
Not being suicidal is a very good thing, and to acknowledge it is even better. So well done for that.
I think you need to remember that short term goals can be changed without affecting the long term goals, time frames can be changed and sometimes taking the slower route can be more beneficial than trying to push yourself regardless of what your brain and body needs. (I know, leaf out my own book springs to mind and also, I know you know this already).
Yes Craig she meant for the time being while I get back on my feet.
I feel really low today, it's the first real Spring looking day here and I had a dress and short top on and then remembered I have terrible scars on my wrist. Now I am back to having to cover them up and always be reminded.
Furthermore, I've gained a LOT of weight. Dresses that were borderline okay in the summer are now a joke. Everything I wear is a joke now because every single inch of me is showing this weight. I'm an embarrassment.
I know these are small, stupid things but they are pushing my day to day confidence right down already, and it isn't even Spring.
I'm sorry you are feeling low today, I hope it has improved a little since you posted this.
I just wanted to say you are not a joke nor an embarrassment. You are amazing and I don't care what you look like but I understand how it can affect how you feel about yourself and how you rate a day. Could you try and think of one thing you like about each outfit (with you in it today not the last time you wear it)? Even if they are little things like, I like the way the colour goes with my hair or brings out my eyes or I like the way bottom of these jeans skim over these pumps to balance out some of these thoughts.
Thank you. Those are really sensible solutions, I like it.
I'm feeling so low still. I am just so sad. I have things to look forward to and I'm trying to focus on that but o can't help but notice how drastically low I am feeling. It's pervasive. I just feel so unmotivated I want to give up on everything.
I've emailed my old supervisor from last year who contacted me about revising my work to attempt publication and I just can't do it, I told her I can't face it and it's too overwhelming. Everything feels too much.
Hi Aimee (hope I got your name right!)
I'm sorry you are feeling so damn lousy. It's not fair is it?
I've got no great advice for you except to say that when things feel so overwhelming taking them in bite size chunks is the best place to start.
Take it easy and don't beat yourself up for feeling low.
Take care,
Charl
xx
Hey lovely, I'm sorry I don't have words right now but please don't give up just take things one step at a time. You can get through this I'm thinking of you and wish I had something more useful to say, just don't ever feel like you're alone, we're here for you *squish* <3
I'm sorry to bump this. It isn't really important. But I've just binged so badly. I don't know why but I guess I was anxious. I feel terrible. It took me so long to motivate myself out of my bed this morning. Why can't I do something as basic as eat properly or get out of bed.
I'm trying to rest and bit beat myself up about it but I just Fucking hate myself. Things were going so well today then I just didn't think and dealt with my anxiety badly. I fucking hate this. I'm so so sad.
Charl I did the bite size thing and it's helped a bit in getting out of bed.
Aimee, it is important as it has obviously affected you. Can you think about what triggered the anxiety that caused the binge? Was it facing the day if something else?
What have you done since? Can you do something small that will build up a tiny bit of self esteem?
I was anxious about getting party decorations right mostly as I had spent the morning shopping for them so I was worried if they were okay, if my dad would like them, if I spent too much, if I made the right choices etc.
Since then I had a comforting nap and done an assignment (albeit, poorly, but done it). It helped to get that assignment done at least cause it's due tomorrow, but it was hard to do because my motivation is at the floor.
I think I'm going to colour my hair soon so at least thinking about this brings some hope that maybe I'll be able to look a bit better after I've done that.
Sarah; my psychologist does sometimes support me but she doesn't want to bring it up now because it is "too provocative" for me at the moment and too triggering. So we're focusing on dealing with just coping. When she said that she wouldn't work on the binging now I felt my heart sink a bit. I need her help. But I've only got 4 more sessions with her so I think maybe that is what she was considering - we can't unravel me and put me back together in 4 sessions.
I'm seeking some group programs or other support related to eating disorders (but as you know... it's not easy for this spectrum).
I'm thinking black, something bold and back to just one full colour.
He did like it, yes.
And it took a lot of effort. I think that is what is bothering me at the moment; that everything takes so much effort, above and beyond what I normally experience with depression.
edit: And what's more it's going to be warm for this big family party on the weekend, and for the first time in five years I have scars I need to cover. I hate this. I'm going to try and keep on a lot of bracelets but it still doesn't cover it. I hate this so much.
Last edited by Snow White. : 27-08-2013 at 12:43 PM.
The Post Grad is extra and is there any reason at all that if the worst does come to the worst and u need to break away that u can't just freeze the research that your doing just now and take it back up exactly where u left off a few months or a year down the line? 
