I overdosed last night. I fell asleep then woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't walk, could barely crawl . It was so frightening. I tried to phone for help but I kept blacking out and thinking I had called but I hadn't. When I finally did call them I couldn't even speak real sentences, the operators didn't know what I was saying and seemed quite angry.
Anyway, I went to hospital and they jut monitored me, took some blood, put some fluids in and kept me hooked up on an ECG machine. That was the scariest part, because I wanted to go to the toilet but they wouldn't let me in case my heart stopped. I had a mild arrhythmia.
I kept going in and out of consciousness, it felt like I was hallucinating, one second someone would be there then I opened my eyes and nobody was there. I kept thinking I had updated you but I never even touched my phone. It was so awkward to know what was going on.
I could hardly speak, everyone was so frustrated with me but my words were not coming out clear or were stuttered or not there at all. Mostly they were blurred into one word.
I told them how many pills I had taken and when I got home I realised I had underestimated by half. I called the poisons info line and they said it shouldn't make a difference.
So I came home and slept. My vision is still a bit slow-tracking, and my lower stomach hurts sometimes like I pulled a muscle there, but I think if I sleep again it will help.
I'm sorry to go into all that detail, I just had to debrief and get it out there because it was so scary, especially the first part where I was trying to get help but literally couldn't dial the phone and kept fading in and out.
I should say I've made a doctors appointment for tomorrow nigth, and I'm having an assessment with a mental health organisation tomorrow to see if they can link me in with some dietician services.
Thanks for listening x
Last edited by Snow White. : 19-08-2013 at 10:13 AM.
Sorry to hear about this. It sounds like a very scary experience. Hopefully you can remember how powerless and scared you felt at the time if the urges creep back in again. Remember this thread is here to read back over in times of crisis.
Thank you all. I will answer the questions soon. My dad is getting very angry at me because I've been sleeping so much. It's really uncomfortable and I'm just trying to get through the night. I feel a ill which doesn't help, because being asleep I didn't feel ill.
Steph, it was a suicide attempt and I'm feeling a bit better. I don't think it was happening in chat but I felt lousy in there, as I had done all day. I'm glad it didn't work at least, , which is something.
Although the guilt around it, and blatantly lying to my dad just now, hurts
Thank you Beckie and Shed, much appreciated xxxxx it certainly has been a deterrent..
I know it's hard because he doesn't know what's going on at the moment, but remember that right now it's safer for you to be asleep and you need to rest after all your body has been put through.
Thank you all. I called him today and apologized, he said I didn't need to. I blamed it on "womanly problems" also which made the conversation nice and quiet. He isn't home tonight so I can rest more if I need.
I'm having trouble coming to terms with what I did but I'm practicing mindfulness to move on from it.
Just saw this, Aimee darling I'm so so sorry that things got to the point where you took the OD, you don't deserve this. Mindfulness sounds like a good idea, how are you doing now? I'm so glad that you are physically ok, wish I had some useful advice but I'm here and I'm thinking of you <3
Thanks Ally. This reminded me to see if I could get into a mindfulness group. I'd forgotten about that. I'm doing really good right now, I think I may be starting to get a bit elevated but I'm not sure. It's like I'm a whole new person and I've got my lady gaga song and my lady diana blue-ring to keep me happy, everything is fine now and we can all forget about the little suicidal attempts and the bigger one on sunday, yes all over now. Feel silly for telling anyone now really when I am so fine.
It's great you are feeling better but do keep an eye on your mood if it is elevating, the last thing you want is to crash or end up (hypo)manic.
Do you keep a record of your moods? The last few months I've been rating my mood each day and making a note of how my sleep its, its been really useful for spotting patterns etc. I think you maybe able to downloads apps for your phone but mines a dinosaur so I stick with pen and paper/excel!
I've had a really good mood tracker app before, that is a great idea! Thank you :)
I'm trying to stay calm and not engage in any impulsive, ; flighty ideas. I've got four hours sleep and I'm wide awake so I'm going to try and get the last few hours before my alarm goes off.
I'm really concerned. Your moods are changing really rapidly, going from suicidal to feeling great. I still think you should be in hospital, being monitored. You feel fine now but you could become suicidal again at any moment and your attempts are rapidly becoming more serious.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
Thank you. I always avoid caffeine and I tried to calm myself with mindfulness.
Today it just came out at uni. I told most of the girls that I had attempted to take my life on the weekend. It was emotional but good to hear what all of them had to say. It was good to be not alone in this. I told them about my diagnosis and what happened in hospital. At the end of the day one of the girls hugged me and said she was glad I was still here, I said I was too, but it was very emotional.
I apologized to them so much. I just don't think it was fair for me to tell them, it's so heavy, but it just fell out.
I tried to get an earlier appointment with my psychiatrist she is actually on leave. I want to look up groups but forgot today and don't know if I could get into them without her here.
Aimee, if hospital really isn't an option, can you stay with someone or get them to stay with you for a while? Someone who you can trust and will be able to help when you need it?
