Disclosure. *Mentions SH and initmacy*

[Aubergine]

How do you tell a prospective partner about your mental health challenges? I'm currently dating someone and it's going well so far, but as of yet I have not told him about any of my past. It's going to come up at some point though, and I'm not sure how to approach the subject.

One fear is that my scars will repulse him. I've got a lot of scars all over the place, from cuts and burns and skin grafts, and there's going to be a point where we'll want to get intimate. It's going to be really hard to keep them covered if I've got few clothes on...

Another fear is that he'll scarper because he can't deal with the other stuff. I haven't been in hospital for nearly two years, but I do still get a bit under the weather mentally sometimes. I have schizoaffective disorder, so it's not going to go away and I'm not going to always be able to be "normal." How do I stop it wrecking things? I need to put it across in a positive light, but that's hard when all it does is create negativity.

We've only been dating a month or so, but I worry that I should have told him more already. Will he think I've lied to him because I've not been completely open yet? I don't want to be thought of as dishonest, because I'm not - it just hasn't come up yet, and I'm not sure what to do when it does.

I touched on this in General Chat and Mike replied (thank you, Mike), but I thought I'd start a more comprehensive thread to find out how other people have dealt with similar situations.

[HopeRises]

I don't think I have any advice..once I told I guy I had to go home to take my meds, and that brought it up but it wasn't a relationship so not such a big deal.
I am also lucky that my scars barely show.

[lau_83]

I've only been in two relationships since I started harming. To be honest they both accepted it really well. I was even actively harming while seeing my first G/F and she was upset but dealt with it well. Just sit him down and be honest, I know it's terrifying but it really is the best way I think. Most people accept these things a lot better than you think they would.

[Aubergine]

Thank you. :) Do you think it's better to tell him soon, or wait until we know each other better? I don't want to scare him, but at the same time, I don't want to be dishonest. I wish I didn't have to consider things like this.

[Tonfedd]

In my opinion I wouldn't say it's better to tell him sooner or later, the best time to tell him is when you feel comfortable telling him. I know it's hard to build yourself up to these kind of talks but be strong. Don't feel the need to put a positive light on it or to excuse yourself in any way, would you try to put a positive spin on telling him you have the flu or diabetes? You have an illness that's as real as any disease and you have the strength and courage to deal with it every day so you should be incredibly proud of who you are :). Just remember don't feel pressured into revealing anything about yourself until you feel comfortable doing so. Hopefully he'll react like any mature and decent person and realize that you are not you're illness and you are not defined by it, you are still the person he knows and should be touched that you feel close enough to him to open up.
x

[Mrs Sam]

I told my bf after about 2/3 months. I'd been intimate with him and he'd noticed some scratches so thought I better come clean. I wrote a letter as I was a wimp to say anything but he took it really well. 13 years later we are married with a child and one on the way. So it definitely didn't put him off.

[Tonfedd]

Also when i've had these kind of talks with someone i'm in a relationship with, i've found it helpful (Once i feel comfortable) to tell them about my self harming (or whatever you want to lead with) and that usually leads to a conversation where they're asking questions and you can gradually go into whatever els you want to tell them and explain things as they come up. Sitting someone down and telling them everything in bulk then waiting for them to process what you've just told him and think of how to react can be very overwhelming for both of you as there is a severe lack of public education and misconseptions about mental health. Hope this was helpful :)
x

[Strawberry Xs]

Hey,

I have the same worries, I'm currently trying to finish my current relationship but the idea of getting with someone new and having to explain my scars etc terrifies me. I just think that if you feel comfortable enough with him then you will fins a way of telling him, perhaps not all at once, but especially with the intimacy thing - if you're starting to get 'physical' then perhaps say something like 'Before we take this any further I need to talk something through with you'.....
Not sure if that was any help, but hope things go well if and when you do feel able to open up to him x