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Old 06-07-2013, 11:24 PM   #1
funnyman
 
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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how do i make new friends?

i haven't been here in a while. things are slightly better. getting my own place finally. but while that is the good news. the bad news is i'm really pulling away from people more and more. i'm just terrified to really put myself out there and make new friends. i don't think i know how anymore. i'm always paranoid that i'm being judged. just talk to people everyone says. it's not that easy. i'm practically paralyzed when i try to talk to someone. ultimately i just abandon that goal and move on. please help. i don't want to be alone forever but the anxiety is really affecting me.

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Old 07-07-2013, 12:12 AM   #2
AllButWanted
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could you try and regain contact with some older friends maybe ones that you were close to, even if its just a text message or a phone call to start off with and then its not face to face?
try not to let yourself get too isolated with moving into place because that can bring you down a lot.



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Old 07-07-2013, 12:53 AM   #3
funnyman
 
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i've really only been close to one person. i met her online and i worry constantly about what i'd do if something happened to her. friends from school i was never close with and they all moved on a long time ago. i guess i just have to force myself to talk to people.

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Old 09-07-2013, 09:30 PM   #4
funnyman
 
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makes sense. thanks.

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Old 10-07-2013, 11:16 AM   #5
Clive
 
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Hi, I have also struggled with this in the past and it helps building up gradually. For example, you could just say "hi" to the bus driver as you get on the bus, or to the cashier at the shop. Then you could have a short conversation with them. They're good people to start with because you'll likely only see them once and you know the conversation can't last very long, simply due to the nature of the context. Eventually you could start having very short conversations with strangers you meet. For example if you are standing in a queue you could make a short remark. You could build that up over time as well so you might end up speaking to strangers a little more. Then keep building it up. Focus on things you've done, however little, rather than things you haven't, and you'll find that you might be able to find it easier and easier in social situations.

What's also interesting is that if you give people the opportunity, most people will actually gladly do most of the talking. Don't feel like you need to say a lot. If people feel like they are being listened to, then they will keep talking and talking and you can stand there nodding and providing short interjections now and again. It might feel a bit scary not saying a lot, but what is incredible is that actively listening to somebody will provide them with a rare experience - not many people are good listeners - and so many people prefer having friends who will listen to what they have to say, than friends who talk all the time. This might sound a little odd but trust me when I say being a good listener is one of the most valuable traits in the world.

You don't have to say or do a lot to make a difference. "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." If your goal is to just inject a tiny bit of pleasantness into the world, feel that starting small - saying a little compliment, listening a little - is enough.

There are some of the tips which have helped me, I wish you all the best funnyman and I hope you find it easier with time :)

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Old 13-07-2013, 05:50 PM   #6
Steel Maiden
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I use my (large amount of) time alone to read textbooks, solve maths problems, play Scrabble etc. Being alone is not always bad. I can't wait to move out of supported housing and into a flat of my own, on my own, then I can seclude myself more.

If you feel you can't make friends, then do what I did, replace "people time" with productive hobbies.



PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10 or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.

I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.


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Old 13-07-2013, 06:02 PM   #7
pb&banana
 
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As you are in the US i don't know if you do, but are there any groups you could join? Coffee mornings, creative arts, groups for those who've had difficulties in mental health? You'd get to know people through that and practice being social. I have to take social cues off people most of the time, it's what i've done most of my life but small steps equal a big improvement.
Anyone here from the US that could help on the group side of things? Because if you were in the UK I would suggest MIND health charity.

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