Not Sure Whats Wrong With Me?

[~Jo~]

Not sure how to explain it but lately I feel like I have a serious problem when it comes to my appearance. I don't think its Body dysmorphia, but its much bigger than "does my butt look big in this" - when I get ready to go out with friends I end up in tears at the thought of having to pic something to wear for fear I'll not see myself as attractive. Sometimes if I plan far enough ahead I can pick something days before to avoid the issue, but last minute nights I end up rejecting a pile of clothes and anxious, it causes so much distress and I feel like my brain is bullying me almost. Then I feel like its easier to just not go out. I end up in tears most of the time.

My friends are so laid back and chilled and can just throw on some jeans and a nice top and are happy the way they are. I have to follow a 2hour getting ready routine in order to feel at least 80%. not getting to follow that routine causes me great anxiety also.

Theres a small part of my brain that KNOWs Im not unattractive, I can accept that guys can find me attractive etc. But it doesn't matter, theres this whole other thing that just grows when I get ready for a night out. Its becoming a serious issue and Im not sure what to do.

[Laura2.0]

Hi,
I dont go out usually, but i Kind of get what you are saying.

Flor me It feels More like i dont fit It my clothes so i ended up wearing The same Jeans for almost two Weeks. I couldnt wear any Other of my trousers. Once i Make myself wear something Else It is ok for that Piece of clothing and i cant wear anything Else.

Maybe It could work for you of you dont Look in a mirror when getting ready?

[AJ303]

Hi, I am sorry you are struggling and having a hard time. It sounds like your self esteem is very low at the moment and your probably feeling a bit depressed. When you feel low it can feel like you just want to hide away and not go out; especially when you're anxious too because that means going out feels like it will take so much energy & effort to just get ready and out the door that you feel exhausted before you've left!

There is nothing wrong at all with choosing your out fit a few day before you go out, it's an excellent strategy to help cope with your anxiety levels. Hopefully it will help you feel more settled on the days coming up to going out and then you don't have to feel rushed and risk having a miserable melt down the same evening because you are trying everything you own on & then taking it off again. By having a routine & knowing what you're going to wear already It means on the evening you can concentrate on keeping calm and hopefully your less likley to pull out & not go (be proud of your self when you go to things even though it was hard).

I would also to suggest when your feeling low to keep clothes within your comfort zone, it's probably not the best time to try a style you will fill self conscious in. Also if you're friends are wearing jeans a lot then go for that too. Jeans and a top is absolutely fine for casual activities cafe/cinema trips but they're also fine for a night out. You can wear a slightly smarter top with them & pumps or shoes instead of trainers or if you really want something different how about a denim skirt?. If you need to cover your arms then you can wear a light weight cropped shrug, you can get them new on eBay cheaply & they're very useful & go fine with almost all tops (wear them underneath short sleeve tops & over strap/vest tops) and then you're good to go, you can even still wear a bracelet on top of the sleeves.

On the night try having a few mins before you leave spare to take some deep breaths & listen to a favourite song nice and loud or what ever helps you chill.

Unfortunately there's not quick cure for low self esteem so you will still likley feel anxious & compare your self to your friends when you're out but by just going that is a great step & it's better to not hide away too much. when you feel ready try talk about what is making you feel low about your self & anxious.

Hope that helps a little X

[PassedExpectations]

has a doctor/other qualified professional suggested to you that this might be body dysmorphic disorder? if they have, why do you disagree? it sounds like this is really interfering with your life, and you're describing things that my friends with BDD experience quite a bit...

[~Jo~]

Thank you for your replies, they are really helpful.

when I looked up self diagnosis of Body dismorphia the suggestions were -

Have you felt disgusted by a particular aspect of your body?
Did you feel that a part of your body is abnormal?
Did you spend a lot of time examining/scrutinising your appearance?
Did you avoid looking at yourself in mirrors, windows etc.?
Did you feel that other people are looking at your appearance or are disgusted by it?

I don't feel disgusted by any particular part, I got to the gym several times a week so im making improvements to the areas I don't like, but disgusted is too strong for me.
I think my shape is slightly abnormal, but not in a bad way, my hips/waist/butt ratio cause me difficulty buying clothes but I don't see it in a negative light always
I spend a lot of time looking at my appearance yes, trying to understand the compliments I get from the opposite sex, and even yday when I was out a girl told me to stop looking in the mirror in the toilet "you skinny bitch", mearly as I was adjusting myself
I know other people aren't disgusted by my appearance, but I struggle to accept the compliments, or to see the things they see, I feel more when I get compliments that they are making fun of me instead, its difficult to accept them