Why is this rude?

[Steel Maiden]

Why is it rude to text / go on the internet on your phone in social situations?

I heard on the radio on a talk show that it is rude but they didn't say why.

I go on the internet on my phone while people talk to me, if I am nervous, and also in other social situations like dinners, birthdays, weddings, etc. (although I haven't been to those for ages). I end up just sitting in a corner playing with my phone and ignoring everyone and then when someone comes up to me and talks to me, I don't see why it is rude not to make eye contact and carry on playing with my phone. I'm listening to every single word the person is saying, and I'm responding to them, so why is that rude? I use it to calm my anxiety down so surely that's justified.

[FabulousMike]

It's rude because you should be giving your full attention to the people you are with/talking with.

They are taking the time out and making the effort to talk to you, you should make the effort to put your phone away and talk back (I'm not talking about you, i'm talking in general!).

It also looks like you don't care about what they are saying if you're on your phone while they talk to you.

[Bellatrix]

It makes people think you're not listening or paying attention. And makes people feel like you are not interested, even if you are, because it seems like you are more interested in what is going on on your phone rather than what they are saying (and as most people will make eye contact, gesticulate as well as talking, not responding to that can make it hard for people to know how the conversation is going (for example, if you're interested or not)).

[Steel Maiden]

Hmm ok. I struggle with social interaction and playing with my phone takes away some of the anxiety. Also I never gesticulate or make eye contact anyway.

[Bleeding Angel]

Just what everyone else has said, my bf worst habit is taking his phone out and playing with it all time. Even his mum had to comment one time about how rude he was being as by that point he was playing with it for half an hour ignoring everyone else, so much he didnt even hear that comment.

I think it bugs many people because it seems like they are too much into their phone than you. I think its okay to maybe check and reply to an odd text or call, but not to spend ages on it.

[Indigo.]

I agree with what the others said. People might feel as if you are more interested in your phone than them. Also, you know, conversation is about getting feedback from the other person so when you make eye contact it's like you're giving the other person feedback. I, for example, know someone understood exactly what I'm saying or whether or not they have the same opinion as me by looking them in the eye.

Also, think about it this way: yes it helps your anxiety, this is a good thing for you, but they have no way of knowing that.

[Zedebee]

But what if nobody's talking to you directly and you're sat at the side. Is that still rude? I also struggle with knowing when it's inappropriate...

[((deleted))]

Sat at the side is ok I think, But if someone is talking to you, then put the phone down.
Actually one of my pet hates, I have a friend that does it all the time, and it's just so rude!

[raspberry_swirl]

I actually think it's not rude if you're listening to everything they're saying and you're responding... ummm, it wouldn't bother me. Neither would someone not making eye contact as I know I find it hard if I go into a shop or whatever.

I guess they probably think you're more interested in your phone than them, or you're busy, and that you don't want to talk to them (as you will appear more interested in your phone).

[raspberry_swirl]

Apparently people use non-verbal communication more than verbal communication sometimes so this could be part of it.

[Bellatrix]

All you need to do is communicate your anxiety is reduced by using your phone, but that you are interested in haring what the are saying.

[Harley's Dad]

Most has been said already. If you are talking to someone, even if it's only a casual conversation, they deserve your full attention - anything else is downright rude. If I were talking to someone and they pulled out their phone I would say something like "sorry I'm clearly so bloody boring, I'll go and talk to someone else. Oh, and please don't bother to waste your obviously valuable time trying to talk to me in the future. Goodbye!"

If on the other hand when I'm talking to someone their phone rings and they answer while saying to me "sorry, I was expecting this and it's important - I'll go and take it outside", then that's acceptable. But if on the other hand they allow themselves to get involved in some trivial conversation with the caller (rather than say "sorry, I'll call you back in 5-10 minutes) then again that is downright rude.

Bottom line: when you're talking face to face with someone they deserve nothing less than your full attention. Otherwise you are insulting them ...

Tony.

[Rhuben]

It doesn't bother me in the slightest if people aren't looking directly at me during a conversation as I don't like eye contact anyway and would prefer that they focus on something else.

[Steel Maiden]

Thanks everyone, I'm starting to understand this Social Protocol.

I'll break it down into steps and learn it.

[Buttons.]

Agree with what everyone else says, I find it incredibly irritating and rude if I am talking to someone and they are constantly messing with their phone. If mine goes off or someone is texting me, I will apologise to whoever I am with, check if it's anything important, then if it not tell her whoever has contacted me I am busy and will ring/text them later. I have a few friends who are constantly messing with their phones when talking to someone/hanging out with someone and it gets right on my last nerve.

[Steel Maiden]

I've made multiple mistakes ever since I got a phone then.

[griddlebone]

See Im on the other side of this, I dont find it irritating or rude and its something I do when Im overly anxious and most,if not all of my friends are constantly checking their phones.

[Harley's Dad]

Griddle, I'm a bit horrified. Who the hell are your friends that they're only prepared to give you a small proportion of their attention, and the phone - or whatever - gets the rest? Doesn't it make you feel diminished and a mere adjunct to their other priorities? In my book they're downright bloody rude, not to say self-centred ...

Tony, who suspects that he may of course be living in a different, old-fashioned, world.

[Harley's Dad]

Further to my last, an old-fashioned world which at least had manners ...

Tony.

[Steel Maiden]

I don't understand the point of several social niceties, such as shaking hands and smiling.