old newbie thats not so new, erm hmmm

[x.ILY.x]

dunno what im actually doing here 2bh i used to be an active member many moons ago, im 26 now n been free for nearly 4 yrs, i have my own home n a beautiful daughter, everythings been fine n iv been fine untill recently, iv started getting these feelings that i need to SH again :( i know i carnt cus it wd ruin my life but atm theres somethings going on that are so outa control i dnt know how to cope. on the 20th dec i found a lump on my fiances testicle, he has cancer, hes 25, and hes my world he saved my life n if it wasnt for him id be ded or in a mental unit. im so scared n everythings going so fast n changing so much n i carnt slow it down or keep up, hes had to stop work and we are constantly getting fone calls to go to the hospital for diff things, nothings planned properly, i have borderline personality disorder n really struggle with change n control n knowing what n wen things happen, im responsible for all his care and stuff atm n im really struggling, i just need the calm the SH used to bring :( i dnt no what to do, usually id turn to my partner but i dnt feel i can atm cus he will feel guilty :(

[Strawberry Xs]

Hey,

I'm 26 too and been SH free for about 5-6 years, but the feelings never completely go and I know how easy it would be for you to hurt yourself again now - but you HAVE stopped and you ARE STONGER then you think. Hurting yourself won't get rid of your fiancees' cancer. It sounds like you caught it early, I'm sure he will overcome this, with you at his side. I haven't been in this situation so I don't know how difficult it must be, but just thought I would reply and let you know someone is here.

Take care, be safe. xx

[crazykat]

Welcome back, sorry that you had to come back in these circumstances. You have done so well to make it 4 years free of self-harm, that is a fantastic achievement and something to be proud of.

It's understandable that things have fallen apart a bit, I think anyone in your situation would struggle to cope. Do you have any supports? I found some information on carers for people with cancer that you might find helpful, they even have an online community that you could use to get some extra support from people who are going though the same thing. Also it sounds like your fiance is getting some good medical care so there is a good chance that he will get through this. Don't lose hope.

As for the self-harm urges, try and remind yourself why you don't want to self-harm. Maybe you could even write a list to help remind yourself. Also you can find some great distraction ideas here. Remember that you are stronger than you think, you can get through this. Take care
Kat xxx