My psychiatrist and I decided to lower the amount of Venlafaxine (probably another name in different countries). The thing is after just removing the first out of 3 pills I started having episodes of severe panic attacks, like having to get out of the buss at the wrong stop because I couldn't breathe, (nice old lady helped me call a number for help though) and a dramatical decrease of will to live.
So aside from my usual Zolpidem sleeping pills I was also given Diazepam (more know as Valium) to cope with all the symptoms. Now they've decided that they want to keep my pills in their care instead of trusting me with it. I also need to tell them that the prescribed dosages aren't enough.
Could anyone please help me with this? I'm really scared and I'm back to cutting but it seems like they just don't care. They think I'm suicidal.
Please, anyone help :(
Last edited by Samael_Black : 29-01-2013 at 08:40 PM.
Reason: Spelling
Hey! I'm sorry to hear that you're having so much trouble with your doctor. Is there any way you could possibly find a new doctor since you aren't doing well with this one?
I've been to this one for almost two years now and we have a very good connection and I thought she trusted me. But when I mentioned that I was a little suicidal because of the change in my brain from the drawback of my antidepressants. I know she's doing her job by being careful with what she gives me but I also told her I could just commit suicide in some other way - easier way. I think it's because she recently noticed my self harm and drinking. And since that apparently is enough for her to think I have Borderline Personality Disorder she keeps getting stricter and trusts me less and less. I feel like I'm being treated like less of an adult every time I go there.
Is there any way I can change her mind or something? Because I really don't want to buy the medicines "on the street" :/
Have you spoken to her about how her becoming more strict has made you feel? Perhaps you both could try to find something that works for both of you, but also wont put you into any sort of danger.
If you don't mind me asking, has something specific happen to trigger you feeling suicidal?
if she is just finding out about your drinking and thinks you may have a problem with it, she probably wants the valium back and handed out to you because they are addictive. it is not safe to drink and take any medicine in that family of meds.
a better question i would think would be why not go back on the venlafaxine if all of this is happening since you cut down?
To answer why it's making me suicidal, it's because the withdrawal from the medication can apparently screw with your brain chemically. Which is why she even gave me the diazepam in the first place, because it's meant as a short term treatment. But the fact that I don't drink at all when I get medication for my panic attacks doesn't seem to be enough for her. Is it better to be honest with her and say I need them really badly and might even get them illegally and that might make things worse or will she just see this as another reason to keep this miracle medicine from me?
Even thinking of cutting myself so much so I can show her tomorrow how badly I need it. Would the end justify the means? (Is it worth getting worse to get better?)
Edit: I'm cutting down on the Venlafaxine because it didn't seem to help me at all, but now I'm starting to wonder.
Last edited by Samael_Black : 30-01-2013 at 08:39 PM.
Reason: added a sentance
Cutting yourself so that you can show her tomorrow would be a very bad idea because your doctor will see this as you not being trustworthy. If anything, show her that you haven't cut and that that you didn't do so in order to prove that you can be trusted. Be honest with your doctor, tell her that you need the medication and that you are wanting to fight how you are feeling.
Okay, thanks for the advice Shine - I won't do that. But I really feel like I'm running out of things to say. Today I spoke to 2 nurses and one doctor (none of my usual) and they all recommended me to even raise my dosage. Is this something I should tell my doctor? Or would she rather see it like some kind of "threat" as in ("give me the damn drugs or I'll go elsewhere!")? Because I really do like her and trust her, I just don't think I can make her understand just how badly it's making me feel. Does anyone else have any experience with this? And is 30mg of diazepam (Valium) a day unreasonable?
I don't know much about medication as I don't take any but perhaps you could openly and frankly discuss how you are feeling. I don't know whether mentioning the other professional's opinions, I guess it depends upon how you phrase it so that she doesn't feel threatened or anything! Perhaps say that you are worried and that you desperately want to feel better and think that maybe the higher dosage is the way to go. If you are honest about how you're feeling and what you're experiencing, your doctor is more likely to trust you.
Would it do any good if I said that I felt like I need a higher dosage of it, because it keeps me "safe from myself". And that if she does want me to lower the dosage to maybe switch to a benzo that lasts longer? Walking around with the drugs at work is, well, not only embarrassing but I'm also afraid someone will steal them (there are, after all, plenty of addicts stealing benzos). And how would I even explain that without sounding like all I want is drugs.
Should I remind her that I have after all been seeing her and other doctors, nurses, etc for more than two years now without ever asking for such meds before? Just feels like whatever I say to her it's going to sound like manipulation :/
i would think if you are having all of this after cutting down on the venlafaxine that it is obviously doing you more good than you thought. i would also be honest with her. anything else is going to look like manipulation and guarantee you don't get what you need.
I think explaining it as you feel and what you experience is anything but manipulation. The honesty will be obvious and hopefully she'll be equally open with you and you can reach the best decision that will benefit you.
It's going to vary from person to person. 30mg is quite a lot; it's the maximum daily dose (for anxiety, not for other medical problems). A friend of mine who takes it takes 2mg, 3 times a day, and even then her dr is concerned about addition issues.
At the end of the day, it is up to the doctor what to prescribe as it's their medical licence on the line if something happens to you and they could be suspended or even struck off if something bad happened.
That said, it's worth discussing what you think would help, and what meds you could take. What do you think you need and would help?
In regards to cutting yourself to show her, I would be incredibly careful with anything that could be seen as "manipulation", because professionals often associate it with BPD, which you already mentioned was causing her to act differently, so essentially you'd be proving her right, and make it even worse.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Thank you all for your answers, can't tell you how much I appreciate it!
Talaipoira: You seem to know a little about this medication and stuff. I've decided only to show her my arms if she asks for it and to try to convince her to at least stay on this level of meds. Two other concerns I have are: will being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder have any effect on my medical help? Or will they be refuse me any medication that could be addictive? I mean, I can't sleep without Zolpidem either. And I've been through all those worthless antihistamines (don't know the English names for the different types) and none of them really helped, just made my body paralyzed but the anxiety was still there.
Secondly: Again - are there any other benzo's that work for a longer period of time? I don't want to walk with a box of diazepam. I'd like to take it up with my doctor so any help from anyone here (doesn't even have to be first hand experience) would be greatly appreciated.
What medication did you want to stay on, the venlaflaxine, the diazepam, or both? I'm a little lost. Ultimately, it is incredibly unlikely you will be on that dose of diazepam long-term.
In theory being diagnosed BPD will have no effect on your treatment, or if it does, should only mean you have more tailored support. In reality, you might be treated differently; you already mentioned problems with her, and that's likely to continue to be a problem.
Benzos are not a good long-term plan. They are highly addictive, and you will get used to them. There are best used intermittently for acute problems. If your anxiety is that bad you need to be working with her to look at other options; betablockers, SSRIs, among others etc.
Is it just the anxiety you're having trouble with right now?
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
That's sort of the problem, "we" want to get off the Venlafaxine because it didn't seem to help (I was still depressed and self harming at doses -above- what it's ever meant to be used at) so what I want to keep on is the Diazepam, I really need those 15mg x 2 a day, otherwise I totally crash. And I know that it's only for short term use but that doesn't really matter to me now.
And about the other medicines, SSRI's is what I've been trying (first prozac and now Venlafaxine), the beta blockers I assume you mean the antihistamines that are always tried before the benzos (alimemazin, prometazinehydrochloride, amongst others) but they only make my body tired, and doesn't relax me mentally.
Venlafaxine is quite a difficult drug to come off; the withdrawal effects are notoriously unpleasant. I'd guess that the doc has given you the diazapam to help you through the worst of it, but wouldn't allow you to stay them long-term. Some benzos stay in your system longer than diazapam, though again, a decent doctor is unlikely to prescribe these long-term. Maybe you could try a different type of antidepressant? I switched from Venlafaxine to Mirtazapine, which (for me) helped greatly with sleep and anxiety, though not so much with the depression.
And the illusion of love is the only promise of defence, and even that will crumble.
Not sure how it went really. They were going to hold on to the pills and give me small amounts every time I see them, but I mentioned that by the time I get back there I'd have used up more than what I had from the start so I got to keep them "for now" :/ I got another appointment coming up, until then I have to think of how I can make them trust me with my own medication. I really feel like I'm being treated like a child :(
There are short and long acting benzos. clonazepam or Klonopin on this side of the pond is a long acting benzo and as such is presumed to be less addictive. glad you were able to be honest with your doc!!
