Of fairy tales and twisted realities *Trigger warning*

[CosetteDaae]

Please forgive me if this post makes self-harm appear anything other than terrible. I will edit or remove it, if necessary. My intent is only to express the contrast between what it seems to be and what it is.

Shortly before I began to self-harm, I read works of fiction that seemed to glamorize self-harm. The image of a tall, pale, beautiful figure with tears and her eyes and marks on her arms was captivating in those stories. She would injure herself (Or he himself) and all her friends and close companions would rush to her aid, dripping with empathy. For some reason, in the stories, she would hate it when others would try to come to her aid. I didn't understand why...

Until I tried it for myself. Tried to thrust myself into the dark, twisted fairy tales I had read. It seemed everything happened to me just like it did the heroine in the stories. Sort of.

I was wounded but the marks were not pretty like in the stories. They were ugly, shameful, something to be hidden. So I hid them.

I cried but my tears brought no relief like they did in the stories. I am not a pretty crier and my tears, unlike the herione's, only seemed to bring more suffering.

I told people and they did take notice and did try to help, but they said the wrong things and tried to examine my arms and I felt naked and exposed and ugly. I was made to go to the doctor. I understood precisely why the girl in the fairy tales never wanted any help.

I got everything those twisted works of fiction promised me, but it was all dark and distorted and bitter. A lie, somehow, even though everything happened exactly as the stories told me it would.

The whole bitter situation reminds me of "requiem for a dream".

Yet I think fondly of those stories... and wonder how and why there's such a disconnect between them and reality.

“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.” - C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

[persephoneginger]

Wow. I really like this.

[lala...]

I think the reason the image of self injury, as depicted by the media (in stories for example, as you mentioned), is so blurred (or disconnected from reality as you say) is because of the immense quantity of different versions of one experience. Every individual who self injures/d experiences it so differently - the why, how, what, when, where and such is so widely varied - that it creates a puzzle of sorts, except the pieces don't fit perfectly and so the consequence is a culmination of layers upon layers of facts, opinions, first hand experiences, speculations, bias, stereotypes and statistics that render it impossible to discern how any given individual will experience self harm. And so it is understandable that there exists a break between any public representation by the media and an individual's personal experiences because the expectation and the reality do not always match, save for perhaps few common factors. Other than that the whole representation of self harm is too ambiguous to truly compare any other experiences with one's own - particularly in the instance of making predictions/holding expectations as to what self injury will be like for/mean to you.

Also I believe that the reason many people find something beautiful in the entire notion of a 'damaged hero/ine' or 'tragic hero' (eg, the pretty, tearful self harmer who is saved) is becausea lot of individuals find the character's 'tragic flaw' (self destruction) relatable: it brings the characters back to a human level so that whilst possessing qualities people aspire too and wish for (attractiveness, strength, etc) they are still human. This is also, in my opinion, where the issue of 'glamourising' self harm is brought to the fore because these 'tragic hero/ines' become so relatable that I think the line between characters with favourable traits (hero/ines) and the negative experiences of these characters (self harm, etc) becomes blurred: the audience find it difficult to separate the positive from the negative as they exist side by side in one character and so they believe that by experiencing one (self harm) the other will follow (strength, being saved, caring, love, etc) as it appears to with the character.