please please please please be there tomorrow, i could really do with giving you a hug and asking and getting a truthful anwser as to wheather you really are okay and need to just hug you, i miss you
"pretty pretty please dont you ever ever feel like your less than less than perfect"
"Don't ever change, you're perfect the way you are" only a PM away for ANYONE
Gem [smurfette] is my little sister and my princess <3
R.I.P. Keith....31/10/12....forever missed
R.I.P. Lewis....18/01/13....forever I'll love you, forever missed
I'm sorry I didn't go to hospital baby L.
I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry I made you cry.
And worry.
And that you don't want to not be with me because you want to keep an eye on the infection & my arm & in general, me.
I'm sorry for putting all this on you.
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for doing x again.
I'm sorry for not taking the antibiotics.
I'm sorry for being me in general.
I'm sorry I've upset you and worried you and made you scared.
I love you & I wish I wasn't like this.
There's things I want to tell you. You remind me of my old self in several ways and I want to warn you that you're throwing good things away and risking so much. But I don't feel we're quite close enough yet for home truths to be welcome from me. And I really can't become that person who can help you properly. A year ago, yes, I'd of put my life on hold and come to do what I could to save you, but not now. I have my girl and my friends and my studies and my life and there's not enough of me to go round. I'm sorry. I can't be who you need right now, and unfortunately I don't think there's anyone else who's willing. You're going to have to learn the hard way.
The worst part is that seeing this all doesn't tear my soul apart. Not any more. Maybe in a different time I'd feel too much empathy to ignore it. But now there's just bitterness and a touch of ceeb left. I'm only twenty-two, yet it feels like the world and I have endured decades of bitterness with one another and now greet eachother with the weariness of age, instead of the hopefulness of youth.
Disclaimer: of course this is about someone on RYL. Enjoy your paranoia-fests folks :p
I have no words for how much I need to destroy my body. I need to change I know everyone has given up. Fight/flight/freeze thank you limbic system for engaging my need for flight so much I can't think
I was just thinking of you and how we thought that moment would never come. It's jarring to realize that the "wait" was only 8ish months, and that the moment we waited for is now 7.5 years ago. The days are slow but the years are fast.
I'm sorry I can't do anything today, I'm really struggling. I'll probably say I don't feel well or something so you don't think I'm lazy (which I am). I'm sorry.
You can't lose hope when it's hopeless.
You gotta hope more,
then put your fingers in your ears and go,
"Blah blah blah blah!"
I know you have to look after G and F, being a mother and gf comes first... but you're the only one here to really understands and I need you. I'm not going to tell you though because G is returning and he really really needs you, he needs us... but I'm gonna be here, still hoping you'll notice.
This is not your flat, I am not a guest here in the sense you imply so why don't you stop making up house rules that are pointless. I'll wash my pots when I want to. Screw you bitch.
I can't be what you need me to be, I give up trying.
Sorry, but at least now you'll get to tell people just how much of a failure I really am, right?
You'll enjoy that.
This is not your flat, I am not a guest here in the sense you imply so why don't you stop making up house rules that are pointless. I'll wash my pots when I want to. Screw you bitch.
I don't want to be here, or there. It's confusing. I know where I don't want to be but I can't think of where I do but being back here is hard already.
