Can you please put me first for a change and stop making everything about you please. Waking me up (and making the dog pee on the carpet coz she woke up and couldn't hold) because you wanted a pizza at 1.30am is not acceptable. It's just not. Especially when you KNEW I have to be up at 7am, and you know I've not been sleeping well lately. I don't care if you invite your mates round, but show some fucking consideration and don't wake me up, or at least let the dog out since you were the one to wake her up, rather than waiting til it's too late and our carpet is ruined.
I want to stop crying over you. I don't know if this still being friends thing is right. I'm sick of feeling like this. Why couldnt I just of been good enough for once in my life.
It's so complicated because I don't know if I am a failure or if you made me feel like one. Either way, I actually wish I could do the presentation like a normal person and you have no idea how angry you've made me.
I'm sorry, I just don't have the words right now. I am here if you want or need to talk but I don't know what to say. I don't know what the future holds, I don't know how we're going to make it all work, all I have to offer is hope I'm afraid. I don't really know what you need or want from me right now. But again, I am here.
I never said that I didn't want or need you. I didn't even get angry with you, I'm just sad and I'm here trying not to cry. I feel alone because I feel too guilty and ashamed to open up. I don't read minds, all I have are your responses and your response was to point out all my written mistakes so how was I supposed to react?
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
can't you just let yourself cry maybe? you don't need to feel guilty or ashamed, I really hope I've never made you feel that way. I didn't mean to make you feel bad by pointing out your typo's, I was genuinely trying to help, although I can see how that could easily be seen as heartless, I just didn't know what to say besides 'I'm here if you wanna chat...'
It's ridiculous that you never called back. It's pretty unprofessional - especially considering how the message ended up being worded. I could be lying in a ditch somewhere for all you know. To be fair, I'm assuming you probably never got the message, & either way the above would then apply to your stupid colleague who clearly didn't pass it on.
I can't believe you were such a dick about the present & then wouldn't even come with me to exchange it and be bought lunch. Hating shopping is fine, but one shop? Really? I spent well over a hundred pounds on your birthday & took you out twice when your shit friend let you down, but you end up making me feel like an idiot & a failure for getting the wrong size. & Mark agreed that you were being unreasonable, so this isn't just me getting all BPD for once. A bit of gratefulness wouldn't have gone amiss.
I'm not angry at you, because it's to be expected really and you can't help the way you feel. But I'm annoyed you didn't tell me sooner. You could have at least told A; she's one of your closest friends and she could have relayed the information to me. Saved me the embarrassment. I just wish you'd let me know in some way or other. Because I feel so embarrassed and humiliated and pointless and like an utter waste of space right now. I'm angry at myself for believing other people. I'm angry at myself for deceiving myself. I'm angry at myself for trusting people. I'm angry at myself for hoping. I made all the mistakes here, so I cannot be angry at you.
But please, please don't pretend to care if you don't.
I think always knew deep down that it would end like this. Before it even began. Because I'm faulty and utterly unlikeable.
And no matter what you say, I'll understand if you do hate me. Because I must look pathetic to you.
House-train that fucking dog. It's yours, you said you'd feed it and clean up after it and walk it and generally take care of it. So fucking train it. I'm sick of coming downstairs every night and finding that it's used the kitchen (of all fucking rooms) as a toilet. People prepare food in that room. If you don't train that dog of yours to piss and shit outside, someone is going to catch some kind of disease and it'll be all your fault.
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