Feel like throwing it all away

not_so_insig · 18-11-2012, 12:18 AM

I am 17 months free but I feel like throwing it all away.

It started with yesterday with me having a letter from the DWP. I have to phone them (because they dont have a number for me), and they will send in an ESA questionnaire. The letter says that I may have to attended a Work Capability (or was it capacity?) Assessment.

I am shitting myself because I hate talking to strangers on the phone. I am also scared that I dont know what the questionnaire will ask and that the DWP will force me onto JSA and therefore into a job. I cannot cope with a job. I was doing so well mh wise too (I have schizophrenia) and that it will trigger a relapse because I am on a low dose of my drug. Which has been fine since July and has been so well.

So yep basically I feel like cutting. But part of me wants to throw it away, and also refuse my mh medication. I wanted to make it until 18 months (and then if I make it that far No SI during 2012) so badly. But when I have had letters off the DWP before (I had one basically telling me I had to go for an interview a couple of months ago) that has always been my reaction. Obviously I didnt cut before.

Enchanted1 · 18-11-2012, 02:06 AM

Hello,

First of all congrats on making it 17 months..that is HUGE!!!

I am not certain what the DWP or JSA is, but just know that you can do anything that you set your mind to do. If you have the ability, you can google the work capability assement and look at a sample of one. They typically ask questions like: How capable are you at working in an environment where there is little or no contact. If I remember my assement correctly..something along those lines anyway.

I understand about talking to strangers on the phone, that is what I do for a living. I may not have the issues that you have, but there are days when my job leads to very frustrating days.

Call your Dr. make sure you and him/her are constantly talking. Don't give up hope, you can make it

:)

PassedExpectations · 18-11-2012, 05:18 AM

maybe you have considered this... but are you really sure that you couldn't handle a job? if you're doing well, it might be a good thing to try. eventually you'll need to be able to do that. sometimes we never feel truly ready for things, we have to go in despite our unsure feelings and do our best, and a lot of time it will work. you may be a lot stronger and more capable than you think you are

Wonderland. · 18-11-2012, 02:06 PM

I can understand how stressful this is for you but don't let it bring you down. You are 17 months free which is awesome don't let this mess that up.

You haven't even had the assessment yet so you don't know what the outcome will be, you may not have to find a job. And like Katie said how do you know you are not ready for a job? Maybe you could try and do some voluntary work to see how you are with that.

And please don't stop taking your meds, just because you have been well does not mean you do not need them, the likelihood is that the meds are keeping you well.

Take care.
Amy x

not_so_insig · 18-11-2012, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmyShmamy

Maybe you could try and do some voluntary work to see how you are with that.

And please don't stop taking your meds, just because you have been well does not mean you do not need them, the likelihood is that the meds are keeping you well.

I already do voluntary work - have been since 2004. Some days I cannot cope with it and dont go in, other days I go in but do the minimum 2 hours that they expect you to be there, other days I can do the full 6 hours. No employer wants someone who doesnt go in or goes home after 2 hours. I like the freedom of knowing that I can choose the hours, no job offers me the flexilibity of that. It gives me stability that knowing that I am under no pressure to do minimum hours. If I treated any paid job like I treat my voluntary job, then I would be out of the door with a bad reference.

I do plan to stop the meds. Because I am on an injection it will be months away, and knowing that the DWP will not be immediate, then they cannot interview me if I am in hospital can they? Especially if I am under a section.