Support?

[KittyStar]

This thread was a mistake to me. I'm sorry. Any mod can just delete it. I don't see the ability for me to do that.

[A Perfect Mess]

Heyy, welcome to RYL :)

If you ever need to talk / rant then you can always PM me :)

Personally I don't talk to people off-line about stuff, I can write things down and that is fine but I can't talk about things and as a result I've isolated myself from the rest of the people within my class, being alone is horrible :(

[KittyStar]

Yes, it can be. It's all I've ever really known though. I'm not very good with people I guess.

[Whichyway]

hi kittystar i'm glad u found RYL, it is my safe little hideaway as well, a place where i feel like I can actually talk about anything and everything.

I have been dealing with si since I was 13 and I am now 24, married and have a little one, although it is more of an occasional occurance these days it does feel like it is the main thing of my past that still drags me down and it is frustrating that it crosses my mind every day of the year but the things that made me first do it do not.

Like you i feel as though I need to finish (or at least strictly manage) this chapter of my life before I can move onto, and make the most out of my career.

If you want to PM me feel free, i don't come on ryl everyday but I will always reply when I can :)

[PassedExpectations]

you said that you're the only one that has been there through everything... can you think of any ways for you to really be a support and cheerleader for yourself? we will do our best to be here for you, and so will people in your life, but in reality no one can be there to support someone all the time. it is just impossible. you have the strength to support yourself, it is just a matter of finding it

you have some good goals. the next thing that you need to do is come up with some steps of how to reach them.

real quick, please take out your hight and weight. they can be triggering to people who might read, so it is just a general policy not to post specific numbers like that, along with specifics about cutting/oding.

[KittyStar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PassedExpectations

you said that you're the only one that has been there through everything... can you think of any ways for you to really be a support and cheerleader for yourself? we will do our best to be here for you, and so will people in your life, but in reality no one can be there to support someone all the time. it is just impossible. you have the strength to support yourself, it is just a matter of finding it

you have some good goals. the next thing that you need to do is come up with some steps of how to reach them.

real quick, please take out your hight and weight. they can be triggering to people who might read, so it is just a general policy not to post specific numbers like that, along with specifics about cutting/oding.

I mostly use my music. I have songs that I go to that help but it does get lonely.

People just don't seem to want to deal with things with me. They say they will be there, but things get too intense for them and they just disappear. Plus, I just feel like I'm just a burden to them anyways.

Maybe this thread was a mistake to make anyways and I'll just delete it.

[metal_fiddler]

dont delete it , you deserve support at this time. im sorry people have let you down in the past when you have needed them but you shouldnt feel like you are a burden on anyone, because everyone needs help and social support at some point in their life. Some sooner others later it sounds like you been there for many people in the past.

Music is good but i agree with you ,that it can get quite lonely have you tried talking to a therapist or perhaps trying to find a group program

or try finding a brand new fun activity: team sport, running group,crafting or volunteer , i dont know about you but activities let you meet new people and anihilate much of the loneliness

[KittyStar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by metal_fiddler

dont delete it , you deserve support at this time. im sorry people have let you down in the past when you have needed them but you shouldnt feel like you are a burden on anyone, because everyone needs help and social support at some point in their life. Some sooner others later it sounds like you been there for many people in the past.

Music is good but i agree with you ,that it can get quite lonely have you tried talking to a therapist or perhaps trying to find a group program

or try finding a brand new fun activity: team sport, running group,crafting or volunteer , i dont know about you but activities let you meet new people and anihilate much of the loneliness

No, I know I am. That's why people leave.

No, I don't need a therapist. I need one person who will really be my friend. A therapist isn't your friend. They don't really care. It's just a job.

I go jogging but I go on my own. I have my own pace and my own goals with it so I don't go with others. Plus, I'm too paranoid if someone is around me with that. I don't go to gyms because I get too paranoid about me and people and I can't focus on what I'm doing.

I'm sorry for wasting everyone's time and space.

[Gone.]

You don't need to be sorry for anything.

Just to say that, although therapists will not and can not be your friend, that does not mean that they don't care. I have actually spoken to therapists and outright told them that they don't care and, although it's not entirely unexpected that they should tell me that they do, they were just so taken aback at the thought of them not caring about their patients that they convinced me. Another thing, people have gone into the MH profession for a reason. They want to help people. If they didn't care about that then they could work in a shop and, as my therapist said, do something that brings in a lot more money but they wouldn't be happy. Does that make sense?

With jogging, you're not alone in having to be on your own. I do, too. That's not a bad thing. I find that jogging must be solitary, for me, but I prefer to go with a friend if I go to the gym. I used to be more self-conscious but now I really don't think about what other people are thinking about me. At the end of the day, you go to the gym or for a run to work out, not to eye up other people. Even if they do judge you, you'll see them for a second or an hour and that's not exactly a life time. You have to try to do things for yourself, rather than thinking about what everyone else is thinking. Chances are, they're far too wrapped up in their own lives for you to even feature on the radar.

Perhaps what you need is a friend. What sort of things do you enjoy that could allow you to get involved in groups and have hobbies that will cause you to meet people?

[KittyStar]

I'm just used to always being sorry for this or that. It seems that's what I do...

I can sorta relate with that with my field. I'm in criminal justice and I'm just totally obsessed with everything and now want to do human trafficking. I've researched into it quite a good bit and it's heartbreaking and I want to help.

But to me with that it's not the same thing as having a friend. A friend chooses to like you and to spend time with you and to care. You choose (mostly I believe unless it's court ordered) the therapist and to go to one. They just accept you as a client. So even if they care or something like it it's not the same. When you're feeling lonely it's not like you can call or text them to talk or to meet up for tea or something to talk and to comfort you like a friend can.

I just get too paranoid with going to a gym. I went some before. My family are members of a gym down the road and it's really nice and people seem nice there. Everyone seemed to be doing their own thing. However, I was just too paranoid I couldn't fully commit to what I was doing.

You see I used to have anthropophobia or a fear of people. I used to be really scared of people I couldn't even look at someone especially if they were talking to me. Things are better now days cause of my major. I had to do a lot of public speaking and that helped a lot (whether on my own or in a group). I'm a lot more comfortable around people now and make eye contact pretty well. I don't feel too nervous about things much anymore with people but I do still get paranoid sometimes.

But yeah I just like this park. It's quiet and peaceful and next to a river and it's just such a calming place. I like it a lot there. And I like going outside instead of a treadmill. I'm paranoid with treadmills too with jogging. I feel like I'm gonna do a George Jetson type of thing ya know? Heh heh. Plus, with my jogging I'm working to where I can run at least 2 miles for future fitness test's and those are more likely to be outside on a track or something so I feel better about working on things on pavement with that so I can practice for that. Treadmill isn't quite the same.

I like some things but right now things are just so busy with my classes. I had to drop a class cause things were so busy that class was taking up too much time and I didn't need it.

[PassedExpectations]

when people say they'll be there, 95 % of the time (my estimate) they truly mean it and truly intend to follow through. it is just much harder to do in reality than in their mind. if you expect people to always be there, you will be routinely disappointed, because there are some times when everyone needs to step back and care for themselves. when people feel overwhelmed with the inability to help in a meaningful way, when they feel out of their depth, it is natural for them to withdraw themselves. it does not mean that you're a burden or that they don't care. it is just that it is too emotionally taxing for them. on the flip side of this... you need to realize that the same applies to you. you can try your very best to be there for everyone at all times... but that is impossible and it isn't healthy. that is too much pressure to put on yourself and will contribute to you feeling worse, which does no one any good.

[KittyStar]

It's just always been that way. When I was little I had a best friend who lived across the street from my family. We lived in this apt neighborhood. We both would go over to each other's place and play and invite each other to things. It felt nice having a friend like that who seemed to like being around me. Eventually she and her family moved and after that it seemed like I was always lonely after that.

With friends I would make a new friend and when I would start to open up to them and show my personality more it seemed like after that they would disappear and I would see them with another person. I figured that I wasn't worthy of friends. I still remember clear as it happened yesterday in second grade this boy in my class made fun of me for being lonely while everyone else had someone to play with. That's always stayed with me.

I did have people I hung out with in high school but no one I was close to or who could talk to etc. Eventually I just end up back alone and I figure that's how it's supposed to be for me. Forget dating. If friends don't stay around I doubt any guy would. Now days whenever someone says "I'll be there" I just don't think anything about it anymore. I just keep things to myself and don't bother anyone.

[PassedExpectations]

not expecting people to be there are the time is a good thing, but it isn't the same as expecting that no one will ever be there (which also makes you feel bad, and often causes a self fulfilling prophesy where people don't allow themselves to connect, and therefore have no one to lean on)

[KittyStar]

I just over time have had enough of always been heartbroken and let down by people so I just don't expect it anymore.... It's just best for me since I'm an intense emotional person and all.