To a lot of people my problems are tiny in comparison to theirs so I'm sorry for bringing them up here but I just need help or advice or... a way out basically not too long ago my granny died and my mum was left without parents, it wasn't a simple old age death, my granny suffered with multiple sclerosis, she died of a pulmonary embolism at the age of 62, she was young and it wasn't fair but it happened.
My mum also suffers from multiple sclerosis and I think in a way she's scared, not only because she may have to suffer as badly as my granny did but also because me and my older sister will once again have to watch someone we love go through the debilitating stages of illness, my mum has slowly sank into a deep depression and it has become hard to even get her out of bed in the morning and now I've lost another person who was always there for me.
My older sister has just gone to university, she was the main support in my life and now she's gone aswell, we still talk but it just isn't the same, she doesn't really have any idea what's happening at home and I don't want to be the one to tell her.
My dad works... a lot, most of the time I need him he's at work, when he's not working he's either looking after my mum or in the foulest mood that makes it impossible to Talk to him but I know that isn't his fault with all he's doing to attempt to maintain the family.
My name's Kate, I'm 15, I've just been diagnosed with scoliosis, one of my hips is at least an inch lower than the other making it hard for me to walk, I frequently injure myself and sometimes I find it hard to breathe because of the curvature of my spine, i spend my spare time drinking, smoking cannabis and cutting myself, that really isn't an exaggeration or me trying to seem cool, after school I'll go and smoke with my friends, I'll come home and have a cigarette in the garden because I know my parents won't even notice, on the weekend's I drink with my friends at parties, frequently to the point of vomiting.
I'm not stupid, I know exactly what it does to me, I am studious and despite my home life manage to maintain straight A's in all of my exams, I want to be a marine biologist, I am taking 15 gcses to try and get the widest range of options I can (the average is 11) I know I shouldn't do what I do, but I can't stop, I need help but I don't know where to find it.
I scratch my arms until they bleed all the time, I wear long sleeves and bracelets so my friends and family don't see, not that my family would notice, I cut myself with kitchen knives because it feels nice, now whenever I feel bad I cut myself and feel better and I can't stop, I know I should stop but I can't, how do I stop?
those sound like pretty serious problems to me. and anyways, it doesn't matter. you're struggling and suffering, the reason is not needed to validate that...
do you want to stop smoking and drinking? you said that you know the dangers, so i won't repeat them... but curtailing those may help you respect yourself more in general which is often crucial in stopping harming yourself in the long run.
could you talk to a counselor at school? or do you have any other adults who you trust to talk to? sometimes parents aren't the best confidants unfortunately. relatives, or friends parents, youth leaders, etc can sometimes be really good
comparatively doesn't matter. problems are problems. no need to be sorry for talking about them. and i'm sorry for your loss :\
i you really wanna stop, you have to want to stop. "i know i should want to" isn't enough. think of some reasons you need to stop. other people have shared their reasons here. quitting is really really tough, but it's definitely possible. tobacco and drinking don't help at all so you should probably think about quitting those too.
if you cut becuz of "in the moment" stress, try doing some things on the distractions list or go to the distractions forum and do some quizzes(those things are great).
it takes some time, but you can stop. and it's really important that you do. stay strong :)
"i can't believe i got this weak!" ~ The Wonder Years
"i kissed the scars on her skin. i still think you're beautiful and i don't ever wanna lose my best friend." ~ Pierce the Veil
"if i can't love you as a lover, i will love you as a friend." ~ La Dispute
There's no use comparing your problems to others, it sounds like you have problems enough hun. I used to think I couldn't be unhappy because others have it worse...but that's like saying only the worst off person in the world can feel upset, and that only the absolute happiest should be happy. I'm probably not phrasing that well, but it made sense to me, like you wouldn't ever say I shouldn't be happy because there are lots of people better off/happier than me.
I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time, and I hope you find support here. You can PM me anytime if you want.
Is there someone you could talk to? Maybe a school counsellor? Is there someone like that?
Hope you're okay, stay safe, Rach
First of all dear, there is certainly no need to apologize for talking about your problems here; that's what these forums are for, not matter what the extent of your problems may be. I'm very sorry to hear of your loss, and I'm sorry also for all the difficult things going on in your life at the moment. There's no need to feel ashamed for struggling, and you're most definitely doing the right thing by reaching out for support.
Since your dad doesn't seem to be most supportive at the moment and your sister is at university, is there someone else you could confide in about your problems? Perhaps a school counselor or therapist? (A school counselor could possibly recommend you to a therapist if you were looking for someone outside of school, although the school counselor route may be easier.) It's clear that there's a lot going on for you right now, and you shouldn't have to struggle through that alone.
I agree that stopping smoking, drinking and harming will definitely help you in the long run and raise your self-esteem, but I also appreciate that doing so is a lot easier said than done. But if you're thinking in a clear mindset, I think you know deep down that these behaviors, although they may help temporarily, are only going to make things more difficult in the long term. Knowing you should stop and actually wanting to stop are two different things however, and it can be hard to switch over from one to the other. But a counselor or therapist can help you learn healthier coping skills that can make that switch easier.
Congrats for posting on here, I understand it must have been difficult for you, but I'm so glad you're reaching out. You're just as deserving of help as anyone, and I hope that you're able to find the support you need.
*Hugs*
"It's not a dream anymore. It's worth fighting for."
"Well, if it's not real you can't hold it in your hands
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it.
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh, even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah" - Paramore
