My parents found out I self harm today. And they don't understand at all. They say I'm attention seeking and that my life isn't that bad. I know my family life is better than some. But family life isn't the reason I do it anyway. They wont understand that it's because I hate myself.
They just don't understand. Now I don't know what to do. My dad says he is fed up with this, I'm only doing this for attention, but I'm not. I wanted to tell them when I was ready, and I wanted them to understand.
Now everything is just even worse than before.
Often parents react badly at times like this, surprisingly often. In all honesty however its probably because as you say they don't understand. They are probably worried about you and you're action and simply don't understand how all this effects you, so react negatively without thinking.
An idea that may help the situation is writing a letter, saying you need to talk to them about this but also need them to stay calm and listen to what you have to say. Communication is important at times like this so misunderstanding dont get in the way as time goes on.
I can relate. Your parents don't hate you. But hearing that someone you love is hurting themselves can be shocking. The thought of someone hurting themselves on purpose doesn't make sense to those who haven't done it. They don't know what to do, how to help. And have clung to misconceptions about why people self-harm. (the attention seeking thing your Dad said.)
I second writing a letter. Or (this is what I did with my Mom) direct them to websites with information about how to help someone who self-harms. (And talks about the misconceptions.)
There is never a 'good' enough reason to hurt yourself. If you're hurting yourself at all, that means there's a problem needing to be addressed.
I remember when my parents 'found out', and I feel for you hon, because my Dad had a very similar, in my eyes at the time, cruel attitude towards it. Because, as everyone's said, they have NO IDEA what you're going through and they simply just don't understand SI. My mom did a bit of internet research herself at the time, and I even saw her reading a book about self-injury at one point, and when I was at that age I didn't believe that she still fully understood but the information at least gave her an idea of the whole.. situation.
I know I'm just reiterating everything everyone's already said but the letter is a great idea to express your feelings to them. This is a really rough time for families, and just hang in there, they obviously will never approve or be happy about it, but they will express their sadness (and sometimes anger, with themselves) in ways that feel hurtful and misunderstood.
Are you in treatment? SOmetimes services offer services to parents to educate them on things like this, like when I was a teenager my parents went to sessions to learn about EDs, whether it helps or not is down to the individual and their willingness to participate and listen because it worked for my dad but not my mum.
hey, ive always been a strong believer in if you havent experienced it first hand then you will never ever understand it.
you parents dont understand, they are mostly shocked that their child is doing this, they may blame themselves all sorts may be in their heads,
or.... they may just believe its for attention. try finding some websites online writing them down and giving them to your parents to have a look at, giving them a better understanding.
when my parents first saw the cuts on my arms, they said 'your not into all that emo **** are you'
very understanding right?
but i heard nothing about it from them since..... people take time to adjust, but dont stress youself too much about it and dont take what they say personally every time, i know its hard but you need to think about youself too.
tke care and i hope my post was a bit helpful xxxxxxxxxx loves and hugs xxxxxxxxx
It's the loneliest feeling in the world - to find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. To have everybody look at you and say "what's the matter with her?" I know what it feels like. Walking down an empty street, listening to the sound of your own footsteps. Shutters closed, blinds drawn, doors locked against you. And you aren't sure whether you're walking toward something, or if you're just walking away
