I'm having a bit of trouble even fathoming telling my parents about my self injuring. But I think it may help me wrap my head around the concept if I heard some other peoples' stories of doing just this. So if you want to, please share!
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. Good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. - 11th Doctor
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passersby see only a whisp of smoke rising from the chimney and continue on their way. (Vincent van Gogh)
i was 16, and went to a counseling center in my town to try and get help on my own, without my parents knowlege. long story short, they ended up calling my mom and dad and making me tell them, which was extremely traumatic for me because it was forced out of me. however, my parents finding out ended up being really good after the first couple weeks (when life went into chaos with everyone readjusting) because my parents, especially my mom, were great advocates and kept fighting to get me the help that i needed. i wish i'd told them sooner, and told them voluntarily, in a situation that i had control of, instead of one where i was panicking and had totally no control
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So far I only told one person.
I basically just showed her my arm. Though, I should mention, that she asked me if I'm cutting myself. So I'm not sure if that helps you at all.
But then again I kind of indicated it by saying I am masochistic...
Marie
rebellion / rebelliousness | she who raises | bitter | sea of bitterness / sorrow | lady / mistress of the sea | star of the sea | dew of the sea
Erm. With me, my parents were told because I was been judged at college because the 'friends' i told at college thought I was attention seeking etc. So i told my course manager as i trusted her and i thought she could keep it to herself, atleast not tell my parents. This was at lunch and a few hours later she caught me inbetween lectures and asked what I used, which I refused to tell her. She then told me because I was under 18 that she would have to inform my parents.
That night was very hard as my parents didn't understand it at all, however they were supportive. I think I would have waited a little longer and told them myself if I was to go through it again.
I don't remember exactly how my parents first found out. I started self harming at a very young age (whilst i was in primary school) and I think they knew but didn't really know how to approach it. I remember when I was around 13 the school counsellor rang my mum and told her because she had noticed scars and cuts and she was worried. After then my parents handled it the best they could, we never really spoke about it though because they didn't understand it much. It was a couple of years ago, just after a traumatic event, I self harmed and ended up in a&e. I think that was the time when I first properly spoke to my parents about it. I ended up going IP for the first time at the beginning of last year, and over the past year and a half I've learnt to be a lot more open with my parents. I'm nearly 21 so it has taken me over half my life to be able to talk to them and for them to be more understanding of it. I wish I had found a way to talk to them a long time ago because I have put them through hell over the past 2 years and with them not understanding it's made it 10x harder.
Try to talk to your parents, because honestly its better that they understand, or at least can try to understand what you're going through x
Hey, I would advise you strongly to tell your parents.
I completely understand the feeling of dread which comes with this situation. I genuinely (by that I really do mean genuinely) was convinced that my mum would hate me forever, call me an attention seeker and kick me out of the house. I believed that she wouldn't understand and that I would be a huge burden to her if she did find out. Unfortunately, I let this thought get the better of me, and whilst I did tell someone else, I refused to even consider telling my mum for about three years. With that came the absolute torture of having to hide and lie about every inch of who I was, because I was so terrified of her finding out. Anyway, I'm not meaning to turn this into a bit of a fright story, because long story short, I was talking live on a BBC radio station, and whilst my mum was listening, the presenter decided to reveal that I was on anti-depressants (without my permission might I add), which instantly raised questions. So a few months later when I got home from Uni, I asked my mum if I could talk to her, to which she responded well. I asked her not to get angry at me, and she knew I was serious about something, so I just looked at her and said "When I was younger I used to self harm". Of course I cried my eyes out, and she kind of forced me to show her even though I was scared, but the huge benefits that came from this is that I can now wear shorter sleeves around her. And the fact that I can wear short sleeves, means that I have an incentive to never do that again. I've done the reeally difficult part of trying to get out of the initial cycle of the addiction, but when I now deal with less overwhelming urges, I simply remind myself that if I were to cut again, other people would see it, and that wouldn't be good.
Sorry for the ramble. If you feel telling your parents isn't what you can do now, telling someone trusting at least is a good idea. I told a youth worker 3 years before I told my mum, and he reacted in the best way possible. He offered me the chance to talk to him, and he listened to my rants for so many hours. He helped me get counselling which to my dismay, helped reduced the self-harming. All in all, sharing the load is so beneficial in many ways to your recovery. The initial embarrassment of having to admit something like this is far outweighed by the advantages that come with being 'out in the open' as it were. People can offer you their support, and I'm sure that even if your parents don't initially understand, you will eventually get to a point where you can sit down and properly talk them through it.
I wish you all the best though, if you need any advise, give me a PM! :)
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
My parents found out through reading something I written - I'd never expected them to find it, just that we had just moved house and they were unpacking some of my things while I was at school.
It was difficult for things to happen that way because I was unable to control the situation, make sure they had the right information available to them, I wasn't aware of how much they knew about me and we never had the space for an open dialog on the subject. 8 years on it's still the same.
I wish that I'd been the one to tell them rather than them finding out from elsewhere, then maybe we'd be more open about it now.
I never told anyone as such.. most friends saw scars and assumed. my 'parents' at the time had no idea. And now since ive been to hospital so many times and people have saw scars/ recent wounds no one asks and i dont have to tell. I think i got out of it the easy way..... just kept going until someone noticed and talked to me about it. It was kind of along the lines of " (my name) ive noticed some scarring and blood etc and so have other people.. have u been hurting urslef? then all i did was nod.
Sorry thats prob not helpful at all.
The BRAVEST thing
I ever did was CONTINUING MY LIFE when I wanted to die.
My coming out was a little very difficult because i also had to tell my mum that i was skitzo too never cryied so much and been so worried in my life she still doesn't quite get the addiction side and calles it being silly suppose its her way of dealing with it it also helpedas a scare tactic for my younger sister who was starting to self harm to show her what it can leave behind
My parents found out when I was 14 and I cut for the very first time. It was very deep and needed stitches, so my mom had to take me to the ER. She knew as soon as she saw the cut.
Don't have it forced out like me. Tell your parents, have a calm chat with them. Find a private room where you can all say what you need to. It can really alter how your parents feel about it. My parents didn't start out well with my self-injury, and continued to see it as something to fight against and stop at all costs, rather than help with what was underneath.
Last edited by PaleMoon : 12-08-2012 at 11:13 PM.
Reason: Add-on
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
My parents found out when they accidentally saw healing cuts. My pajama sleeve had accidentally crept up and there it was. My mom asked me what I done, etc, then called my Dad in. Dad threatened me with going to a mental hospital.
Since then, I started self-harming in other ways. After showing my Mom articles about how to help someone who self-harms, she is a lot more understanding. My Dad, not so much. But I am past caring what he thinks. He thinks he knows so much about self-harm, when he really doesn't.
I didn't tell my parents.
I confided in my geography teacher in high school and had a duty to tell our schools child protection officer, who in turn informed my parents.
I had a chat with my parents when I got home and they tried their best to understand. My Mum understands a lot better now than she used to but my Dad doesn't understand it. He used to get really angry when I hurt myself but I know that was because he was worried and felt helpless.
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
I never told my parents. My mum saw some scars and quizzed me on it but I didn't tell her anything. She put 2 and 2 together though and worked it out... as she SH'd in the past. Since then I've never really told my parents much. A dr told my mum a lot of stuff against my will which was awkward and she told my dad (I think)... they don't really speak so I'm not sure what he knows...
As I've got older I've managed to tell them some stuff due to my mum opening up about her MH dramas...
I just asked my mum if I could talk to her, and we sat down in a room with the door closed. And I told her I thought I needed to see a counsellor, as I felt I was depressed, and I had been cutting myself.
She was upset, but I felt it went quite well considering. She tried her best to understand, and she looked up websites about self-harm, and printed me distraction lists to try and help.
On the other hand, when I'd restarted and was lying about it, and she found "clues", such as stains, tools etc... That didn't go down so well at all, and resulted in arguments, attempted arm-checks, and, eventually, my room being searched whilst I was in hospital, and my mum threatening to leave home.
So, yeah, I really recommend the sitting-down-and-talking approach! :)
If the bombs go off, the sun will still be shining, 'Cause I've heard it said that every mushroom cloud has a silver lining.
I then 'relapsed' and sent an email to my parent and they phoned me up (they don't live in England)
I then 'relapsed' by being admitted to hospital so texted my parents as my Dad had a business trip to the UK so we did talk about it then.
I am saying this because 'electronic' communications can be a good way of getting the conversation going if you can't imagine doing it face to face!
The only downside is it's a nerve wracking wait!
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
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My school informed my parents. I told a friend, who told my guidance counselor, who talked to me for over an hour (granted, part of it was me arguing that she shouldn't call my mother and then stalling when I realized it wasn't working). I really would suggest telling your parents because it's a lot harder to stop without support, especially if you want to recover. There's a fair share of people who react in a terrible way, but having just one really understanding person can make recovery so much more possible.
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