I have had this urge for a while now, and it's getting stronger and i don't think i can hold off from doing it much longer. I keep getting urges and fantasising about cutting my throat, not to die, but just to self injure there. I keep visualising it all, the way it looks, the way it feels etc etc and i know it's a very dangerous place to cut, but i am really worried i am going to give in soon.
I know i will be left with a very visible scar and that it's dangerous but i just can't get it out of my head :(
I'm not sure what i'm asking for, just want it all to stop.
Can you tell us more about why you feel the urge to harm yourself?
Obviously hurting yourself on your throat isn't really a great idea, and I would highly recommend not harming there. Are distractions an option? Have you got anyone around you to talk to you at the moment? Or do you have a therapist to talk to about why you are feeling like this and what to do about it?
Try and keep your hands and mind busy, you can resist the urge, if you've had the urge for a while you've managed to withstand it this long so you can keep going. Stay strong *big hugs*
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
how was the rest of your night? and how are you feeling now? i hope that the urge has lessened.
perhaps you could try to keep yourself distracted? or since your thoughts seem to be focusing on your throat, if you are crafty, you could make a scarf or something (i honestly don't know whether that would help at all, but it might help...)
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Ive said this before because i think it really helps- Hang out with friends
"I don't know why i cut myself, god, give me a sign or help, i won't cry, it'll be fine, ill take my last breath, push it out my chest, till there's nothing left."
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Hollywood undead
I work night shifts, so the rest of the night i was at work (am at work again tonight) I was really stressed out at work, didn't have any blades on me as the have mysteriously disappeared so i couldn't cut, i just took a couple of valium which zoned me out enough to forget it.
Now i'm feeling exactly the same again, and i've got work in less than 3 hours, am so tempted not to go in, just have a drive to the coast and be by myself. Being by myself though could probably make it worse.
I've had this idea of cutting my neck/throat for a while, i mentioned it to my psychologist but didn't really say too much. I'm seeing her again on Monday and my new psychiatrist on Wednesday.
I must have really made my therapists mad over the years. I have weeks and months when i'm upbeat and positive, never gonna cut again and love life and stuff, and then i always end up going down hill again and back to square one, and the things that i used to like just go out the window and like i couldn't give too hoots about anything, and then all the cutting starts again, the depression and all the suicidal thoughts/urges etc....it's never ending :(
I would hang out with friends but working the shifts i work make it difficult :( plus i don't have many.
Does anybody have any suggestions for what i can say to work about not going in? It really annoys me, if you have a physical condition like flu, sore back, cold etc they don't mind, if i was to ring up and say i feel depressed they wouldn't take any notice, d'ya know what i mean? What can i say? i have 25mins to phone up.
Thankyou all
I told them, i'm just not good and it's not easy to explain over the phone, i'll talk to them if i need to when i next come in and i sent my apologies to the manager on duty.
Ive never called in sick in the 18months ive been there
i think that that might make therapists frustrated, and sad maybe, but not angry. it happens to many people, so it wouldn't be something that they aren't used to. i certainly don't think that they would be blaming you for it.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I just don't like myself sometimes, the fact that everything i say can go to the exact opposite and then back again, but as you said they're probably used to it.
