O: I know you're bulimic. Nobody else in the family realises it, but I realised it today. I'd help if I could.
A: I don't know why you've always been so terrified of me. As much as I joke about feeling like a badass now, I don't want you (of all people) to think I'm a person to be feared.
S: I guess it's because I trust you. You're probably the best friend I've made in college (which isn't saying much, I know), and I see a lot of myself in you. We can relate to each other, on a level that most others probably can't. I have a few friends like that, but one more can't hurt. I'm glad I met you.
...
I wish I knew why people come to me with their problems. I don't mind it at all, and I'm happy to help if I can, I just don't understand why people see me as a person they can open up to more than others. It is a mystery to me. That said... I can't help wondering how many more problems I can take on without my back breaking under the weight. I'm starting to feel that my recovery may be more precarious than I thought.
I wish I mattered enough
to someone
that they would sit
down for five minutes
and ask me if i'm okay.
Yes, I'm that stupid.
No, I probably wouldn't
be able to say anything.
But I wish, for just
a moment
that someone cared.
I know
it's not a reality
that it shouldn't even be
But this emptyness
is soul crumbling
Some of us fall by the wayside
Some of us soar to the stars
Some of us sail through our troubles
And some have to live with the scars
D: This isn't doing what you all hoped; it's not turning my life around and it's not fixing me. It's breaking me and I really can't handle dealing with this on my own anymore.
A: I don't trust you. I can't stop thinking about what you could have been up to last night. It won't get out of my head.
T: I really, REALLY fucking need you now. How am I meant to explain to them all? How am I meant to get back to 'okay'?
I'm all anxious and can't sleep. I watched too many crime shows today. :( I want my mom...
I've done really good, you know. I'm scared though that I will get depressed again. I'm already pretty pathetic right now.
Whatever it is, you can get through it. I promise.
I wish I had the right words or knew the right things to do to take the pain away for you all. I love you all so much and hate seeing you hurting. I wish I was a better friend.
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
D: Thankyou for saving me, even if you don't realise you're doing it, thankyou for helping me, for being part of my healing. You already mean a lot to me and I am so glad you are in my life.
P: Thankyou for everything you are helping me do, for healing my heart with your love for not giving up on me, for walking in when everyone else walked out, for being willing to hold me. For not being frightened of my darkness, or at least not showing it. and for having faith in me.
A: I am praying you are okay, please return my calls, it's been too long and I still remember how you were at church, I am scared... please don't do anything... i want to save you but how?
the other A: I wanna let you go now... i really really do because i dont want to be the only one fighting, and maybe its okay to let you go now... afterall you dont need me or want me in your life. but im too scared u will do something stupid, even though we dont talk you still mean something to me... you were my best friend for ages... please dont do something stupid, please?
I am falling. Too hard, too fast, too abruptly. She lives too far away, we are two different people, with two different lives. I can't do it, she can't do it, we will just cause massive turmoil within ourselves. I am not going to kill someone's emotions again, but this chick is just so awesome and right for me. It isn't fair.
When I'm gone, are you gonna miss me? Are you even listening? Do you even care about anything at all?
Please... don't feel bad... don't be upset with yourself. Nothing's your fault, I could swear...
Why didn't I just go through with it a month ago >.< Would have saved you a lot of what you're feeling right now.
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
It was good to see you and actually be able to talk to you. There were a lot of things I wish I could have said but wasn't quite able to. I don't know how I feel right now...sad? Probably that; I wish I would have handled things better back then. Maybe things would be different now. As it stands, I can only look forward.
I am so f"cking angry with you its not even funny anymore. You dont get it at all do you? You dont get how your actions affect everyone around you? Sometimes I just wanna shake you. There is no excuse anymore you have had help you have had it offered to you by friends and people who love you and doctors and therapists.... and you refuse it.
and im sure that you think i had it easy but I had to fight!! And fight hard for the healing I've achieved. I had to face stuff about myself i hated and get through it resolve it and change it. I had to go through sucky therapist after sucky therapist until i stumbled upon a decent one and i had to let her in... it took a while but i wanted healing enough that i did it. and when she hurt me i had to learn again but everytime i learnt a new situation in life... how to let sumone in again after they have hurt you. it doesnt work with everyone... and i cant let you in again.
but it angers me so much!!! Why cant u just see that if you want it bad enough you have to fight for all your worth and more!!! and you will get there but it will be painful and rough and you will have battle wounds but at least you will be free in the end.
![[Luna]'s Avatar](image.php?s=36ca0df06d422d2891999bdc102c5366&u=32920&dateline=1692390196)
