Why ask me to open up to when you get shot me down and let me down?! I dont have a fucking disease, Im not going to burst into flames if you talk to me normally! Thats all I want, to be with you and you to treat me normally.
Im sorry Im just a fuck up excuse of a human being. If I didn't love you and make that promise to you not to cut anymore, you can sure that my skin would be dripping blood right now.
*~I need to believe, But I still want more, With the cuts and the bruises~* - Too weird to live but much too rare to die -
You don't ever have to come back. Don't even see why you care. How is it possible? My own mother doesn't care, my father has no clue, and quite literally nobody else really contacts me. You don't need to comfort me. None of this **** is your fault. I'm just crazy. If I knew how to fix myself, believe me, I would. I'm so sorry for yesterday, and especially today. That was humiliating. Not at all what I wanted to do. I was supposed to be stronger than that. I was supposed to hide it. I was supposed to be fine. But no. I freaking break down into the pathetic mess I am.
Just like I said-- you don't have to come back. You can just stay there and never give another thought about me. And honestly, I think you're better off that way.
---
NO. You've taken too much from me already, and you're NOT going to take my sister away too. I don't care what you're losing. I'm out of sympathy. Now deal with the miseries you brought upon yourself. I'm sick of your abuse and "woe is me" attitude. MAN UP.
---
Please, please fight for her! She can't take her away... that's my source of sanity right now. She can't take my world away. She already has too much. Please say you'd go to court with this if that's what it came to. I hate to ask that, but please...
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
X - I did not need to know how long it has been since you last ate. Just makes me feel greedy and fat.
Y - You are right. There is nothing wrong with me. Today highlighted that. If there was a problem with what I am doing they would say. They don't. You're right.
Z - I will make this right. I swear. Just please give me time to organize it. Let them be and wait for me to get things together. I promise I will.
Today is the beginning of the end... the plan is in place and the clock is ticking. I don't care if I'm 21 today, it's just another day... another reminder of what a fuck up I am and how I should never have been born... I wish I could tell you this and you would listen... please just listen to me, I don't think I actually want to die.
I actually am really sick of your cold heartedness and cruel nature. Fuck you, thanks for making me feel shit, guilty and like I should be saying sorry.
P.S. I'm more strict over my eating right this moment than ever before. I don't want to be your fat fiance.
Last edited by Kame : 28-03-2012 at 06:44 PM.
You can't lose hope when it's hopeless.
You gotta hope more,
then put your fingers in your ears and go,
"Blah blah blah blah!"
How hard would it have been to text or even write on my facebook wall? Your little sister managed it.
For christs sake clean up after yourself. Why does it have to be me doing the washing up and the cleaning all the time? Is it not enough that I buy everything we 'share'? And that you didn't even offer to go halves on the taxi is what hurts most.
What do I do? Where do I go? who do I tell?
When she said she was going to phone J I couldn't stop shaking. I'm so scared but I have no idea what to do!!
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
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