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I'm New, and I need to admit I have a problem
I'm Alex, and I'm almost positive I'm schizophrenic. I'm afraid of seeking treatment because it's expensive and I don't want my friends or family looking at me differently because of it. It's becoming a bigger problem for me lately. I hear a voice that speaks out, almost like all of these things I wish I could say. The voice has no clear agenda, sometimes it mocks me, sometimes it supports me, other times it wants me to do terrible things which I admit I would enjoy doing in some cases. It's affecting my ability to handle other stress in my life and it's also becoming difficult for me to tell what I'm thinking and what the voice is telling me.
This voice feels like it embodies my inner darkness, it speaks about so many things I wish I could do. On two occasions I've almost given in and done the things this voice told me to do. The first time my wife who was my girlfriend at the time, called me and interrupted me. The second time I realized the significance of what I was about to do and forced myself to leave and walk until I calmed down.
I don't know how to deal with this, I feel lost and this is a major stressor for myself and my wife...I just want help and I want to help other people here as well if I can.
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