I haven’t posted for a while because things have been pretty good but something has happened and I’m not sure how to deal with it. Any advice would be good!
Basically I met someone in mid-October and we got on really well. For the last 2 and half months we have been seeing each other. Over the Christmas period I saw her a lot and we really got close. I started to have feelings for her. We spent the night together on Nye and now something’s different. She doesn’t text me as much if at all anymore and if she does the message is very basic and she doesn’t have a lot to say. I’ve been texting her (not loads) but she never texts me off her own back.
I am racking my brains as to what has changed and I think it’s either the fact that we had sex and it wasn’t good or that I was a little over the top with her in the morning. With regards to the sex thing she was really supportive and said nice things even though I felt like crap after she said "are we official now?" and I said "yeah" and she said "good" and smiled. However I can sometimes be a little over the top in previous relationships (over texting/ a bit intense) but I hadn’t done that this time with texting as I know how I can come across. I think maybe I’ve scared her but I just don’t know! :-S
In the beginning she was the one that messaged me loads and would come across quite strong but it didn’t bother me as I really liked her. But now as said she doesn’t seem as bothered. It’s just not how it was! but she will still text me back if I text her (usually after lots of time and nothing special in the message)
After talking with my friend she said that I should leave her alone texting wise and see if she texts me. Yesterday was the first time we hadn’t spoken in one day since we met. I feel really numb inside today as in December my feelings have got stronger and she was all I could think about. I have had previous girlfriends and been attracted to women but never felt like this… I can’t sleep or eat all I’m doing is thinking of her.
What do I do now? Someone has said to me just give her time and space for a while and someone else has said I need to contact her and ask what’s going on… So confused I feel like crying. I’m 25 and have always been ok with being single (drinking clubbing gambling lifestyle) but since I met her its been different.
I guess you could just give her a few days and see if she ends up trying to get in touch with you. But since this is really bothering you I think the best thing would try to meet up with her one day and tell her everything that has been bothering you. It's the only real way to get the real answer instead of worrying and making yourself believe the worst. I do hope things work out for you and her. Take care :)
Ok So I sent a generic text asking if she was ok havent heard from you ect. And eventully she just sent a reply is nothing was wrong but something is still wrong. Though I could be wrong I think things have gone a bit fast for her and now shes freaking out and backing away. She does still reply so I know that she must still be interested. I am trying to work out the right balance between giving her some space and not texting her and her not thinking im not interessted anymore. Though this seams like hard work shes a nice girl and I like her alot so im not willing to give up on her yet.
Kamikaze...I'm going to give you a very up-front answer about this, so if you think you are in too much of an emotionally vulnerable spot to hear it, then please, I ask you, don't read this and delete it (or ask a moderator to delete it for you, I'm not totally sure how that works). I'm not trying to be mean or negative, but I feel like this is something that needs to be said.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Potentially upsetting
Depending on what you mean by "over the top", it could be that you gave her the impression that you wouldn't be able to engage in a healthy relationship with her. Speaking from experience, I've realized that if a man comes off "a bit intense" and obsessive about texting or contacting me too frequently in the beginning, it often signals that I will have major problems with the relationship in the future: anything from suicide threats if I try to end the relationship to physical abuse to stalking. Especially since she has known you for less than three months now, this could be a really big concern for her. Experiences like mine are in no way the exception for young women, and so I think she's right to be wary. I understand that you're enamored with this person, but the fact that you are "unable to eat or sleep and only think about her" after such a short period of time is a little worrisome. If you're seeing a counselor, I'd recommend bringing this up to him/her, as it may be something you need to work through. I'm not saying you're a bad person or anything! Just that this isn't a healthy way to start out a relationship, and it would probably benefit everyone involved to try to work through this with a neutral third party before anything escalates. This is especially true since the overly intense behavior you discussed has, as you said, become a pattern for you.
Sorry. I know that came off as a little harsh, but I really really hope it helps and wish the best for you in this situation.
Please let me know if I'm out of line here. Just saying.
Thanks,
Krim
Last edited by NoWarButTheClassWar : 10-01-2012 at 04:38 AM.
"You cannot take what you have not given, and you must give yourself." -Shevek, The Dispossessed(Ursula K. LeGuin)
Maybe speaking to her over the phone/skype might be better than texting?
Additionally you could ask her how she feels - does she feel as though you are too intense?
Maybe even write down what you would like to say/why you have been worried first so you can properly collect your thoughts?
x
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I always believe being honest and open is the best thing to do in any relationship, not just romantic ones. I would call her or meet with her and express how you've felt things have changed or that she might not be feeling as good about the relationship and just let her talk about how she feels. It's better to talk about things than wonder and never know what the other person is actually thinking.
That's just my opinion though! I really hope things work out for you x
after she said "are we official now?" and I said "yeah" and she said "good" and smiled. However I can sometimes be a little over the top in previous relationships (over texting/ a bit intense) but I hadn’t done that this time with texting as I know how I can come across. I think maybe I’ve scared her but I just don’t know! :-S
