As a compulsive eater, what I end up doing is just plain throwing food out. I feel so guilty about wasting it for long after, but I have to do what's best for me sometimes. I also give away whatever I can. It's stressful for everyone on the food disorder spectrum, I guess.
(sorry if this ends up as a multiple post, my computer keeps freezing and screwing with my being able to see the post.)
Im struggling with Christmas already I have been restricting for so long and the temptation today was too great and I brought massess and masses of chocolate - I was going to go home and eat the whole lot - something I havent done for months, and then throw it all up. But instead I put it all in the freezer?! Which, has worked for now? At least if I want it now, im going to have to wait for it to defrost, and hopefully the urges can go away. But I just want to eat. Ive not eaten for such a long time, now I just feel hungry and want to eat. But when I eat, i cant cope with the feelings of guilt, and then have to get rid of the food.
So this weekend is going to be so hard.
'You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice'
Argh, what has happened to me this year? I've abused laxatives for the first time in years just so I can eat the christmas foods and cope. I don't just mean the normal meals, that would be ok, but extras like mince pies, yule log, sausage rolls, chocolate etc etc...
I'm quite upset with myself this year but there are extenuating factors such as I'm not underweight (honestly). I'm a water butt.
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
Lydia, there is no water butt about you! I get to say, because I have seen, hugged and admired how gorgeous you are.
You deserve as everyone does to have a couple of days off. If it helps, I had sausage and chips for lunch and I have had a few chocolate. Plus brekkie was crumpets and bacon! Its 2/3 days in one whole year. If now is not the time to just be a wee bit kinder to your deprived body, I don't consider there a better time.
Can you dispose of, or give the rest to C on the proviso that you can have them back whenever you ask. Because then there is a gap between taking them on impulse [and you can't have more, cos they'll mess up your tummy *hugs*]
Remember almost everyone is eating more at Christmas, that includes me too :) And it will not be the end of the world to have a few treats. You could gain and still look slim anyway, so 2/3 days of a few treats, considering this will not make you look any different, and probably not any heavier after a couple of days. [I say this cos food weight when you have been restricting is temporary].
Yes it helped to know what you had! I had shortbread, sausage rolls and mince pies with single cream on them *blushes with shame*...then I fell asleep for two hours - I seem to do that every afternoon.
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
I used to love Christmas but now I hate it and it is just making me more depressed. I don't want to eat and probably won't. I am to upset with myself because I ate last night sure it was only a chicken sandwich and a few chips but it was still to many calories.
I just hate feeling so depressed on my favorite holiday. I guess I will just exercise since it always helps me feel better when I am upset.
“I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep.
And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare,
like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved.
I woke up into a nightmare.”
― Ned Vizzini
I thought I was going to be okay. BUt now I'm worried. I keep seeing articles about 'how many calories people et at christmas' and I'm scared I will gain weight. I lost a fair bit just be to able to tolerate christmas and now I'm scared I'll gain it all back and I'm large enough`!!
Those articles are a total mind ****.. I feel the anxiety too, but try and remember there is a maximum you can gain in 2/3 days. And you would be eating other foods if not the Christmas food anyway, so its only the difference that is extra and most young people's motabolisms' adjust to help with the extra and not gain.
However in your situation, you lost the weight when you didn't need to and for the sake of your health it wouldn't be a bad thing if you ended up gaining something. Deep down you know your too thin as you are, logically, even if what you see contradicts that. Facts are solid.
Going to find today hard ....been binging a lot the last few days wanting to purge as well but haven't
My husband says i don't have to eat everything just some of it
really stuggling, feel so sick- went crazy on choc and snack food- and have to get through desert. Ugh. hating this feeling!!!!!
glad its nearly over, need to see the damage.
Doing what you love can be the loneliest time of your life
A climbers day starts at the crux, getting out of bed.
I'm just posting to recognise that I am really struggling with the anxiety of eating a big family lunch. I don't post here much, but I am struggling and needed to say that.
Wishing everyone a safe time <3
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
I go to my uncles for food etc at 2pm, eat in the eve. I had a yogurt this morning when I could have just not eaten until dinner... I regret it now but I know it was the right thing to do.
Last edited by Bellatrix : 25-12-2011 at 12:59 PM.
It was the right thing to do, Jodie, I'm proud of you for making good decisions. A yogurt isn't going to make any difference to your weight, all it'll do is help you stay physically functioning and stuff. You did the right thing <3
We've had first course. I can't help but pick and poke and pull the 'painkillers are making me nauseous' card. It doesn't help that I don't actually like Christmas dinner. So bloody anxious. Will try my best though, it's Christmas and so much effort has been made.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
Really didn't want breakfast this morning because of the big Christmas dinner we've got in an hour or so. But I had it.
Worried and annoyed now though. I thought I was going to be okay about Christmas but... We're not just having dinner we've got loads of puddings too. Which I have to have some of because mum made it specially and I don't want to let her down. :( All I can keep thinking is that puddings aren't part of my meal plan and therefore I shouldn't have to have it and argh. >.<
"Come forth into the light of things, let nature be your teacher." ~William Wordsworth
Of course I'm sane, when trees start talking to me, I don't talk back.
I started early and purged breakfast and know I'll purge dinner, I feel guilty so so guilty but scared about weight gain :( my parents are trying to force feed me >< i feel horrible xxx
I really enjoyed Christmas dinner. I didn't get too full and ate a just 'right' amount I think. It made me enjoy it all the more and like MissA said, it's only 2/3 days of the year so there's no need to feel guilty (easier said than done though, I know).
I didn't purge for the first Christmas since I was 13 :)
I somehow managed to get through dinner but now I am just feeling miserable and mad at myself. I wish I could go back to when Christmas made me feel happy and eating was easy and normal.
“I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep.
And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare,
like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved.
I woke up into a nightmare.”
― Ned Vizzini
I have been restricting for so long and the temptation today was too great and I brought massess and masses of chocolate - I was going to go home and eat the whole lot - something I havent done for months, and then throw it all up. But instead I put it all in the freezer?! Which, has worked for now? At least if I want it now, im going to have to wait for it to defrost, and hopefully the urges can go away. But I just want to eat. Ive not eaten for such a long time, now I just feel hungry and want to eat. But when I eat, i cant cope with the feelings of guilt, and then have to get rid of the food. 
