You know what? I almost believe it lately, that it really wasn't my fault.
It's not my fault.
That is wonderful. :) I hope you're still feeling that way, but I understand it's hard to.
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It is...not...my...fault.
No, that's wrong. That is so wrong.
It is not...his...fault. I was the naïve one, the one who made him do all of that stuff.
fjdsa'fjwaefewafaw.
That's not what I should be saying.
It was not..my..fault.
Holy crap, I so do not believe that right now.
It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault.
I was not the one in the wrong.
I just made some stupid decisions, but he...he was the one who decided to take advantage of that and abuse me..
It's so hard right now...
Sometimes the best way to hold onto something is to let it go. - Anon
"Do you feel cold and lost in desperation/You build up hope but failure's all you've known/
Remember all the sadness and frustration/And let it go/Let it go"
-Linkin Park, Iridescent
Kismet- I hope you can believe it in time, because it's true.
Books About Squirrels - Not being able to defend yourself doesn't mean it's your fault, you shouldn't have been put in a position to have to defend yourself, it's not your fault.
I've been thinking lately that I've cheated on my partner, in a couple of weeks it will be one year since I was raped. I keep catching myself thinking it wasn't really rape, it was me cheating on my partner.
I think I'm trying to give myself responsibility and control over that situation, when really I didn't have any. It's just so hard to admit I had no control and was raped, I know cheating on someone isn't nice but sometimes I wish that were true, rather than knowing I'd been raped.
I've been thinking lately that I've cheated on my partner, in a couple of weeks it will be one year since I was raped. I keep catching myself thinking it wasn't really rape, it was me cheating on my partner.
I think I'm trying to give myself responsibility and control over that situation, when really I didn't have any. It's just so hard to admit I had no control and was raped, I know cheating on someone isn't nice but sometimes I wish that were true, rather than knowing I'd been raped.
I think the powerlessness of being raped is one of the hardest parts; who doesn't like to know that they are in control of their own life and their own destiny? Knowing that, in that moment, all of that control was taken away from you is very painful. Turning the experience into something you had control over, like any other sexual encounter, even if this is something as heartbreaking as cheating on your partner, is perhaps easier than admitting to that powerlessness. I think a big part of overcoming rape is realizing that although in that moment you were not in control of what was happening, you are ultimately in control of your life and how you choose to move on from this point; you either let yourself sink or swim, and you can empower yourself again, and reclaim your life, by making that decision to heal.
It wasn't your fault.
I wanted to remember this forever, you, us. I wanted to remember this and I was scared I wouldn’t, so I took a knife and I carved you into my arm and at night I’d put it under my head to keep you close. Your heartbeat next to mine, your name against my eyes. I carved you into my skin so you’d never leave and now I can’t get rid of you no matter how hard I try.
My head says it's my fault... my heart says it's my fault... they say it's his fault... I know deep down they are right. It is not, nor will it ever be, my fault!
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