How do I resist the urge to cut when it's night and I'm supposed to be sleeping?
During the day I'm honestly doing fine with the triggers, but when I lie down at night I just start thinking about all the things I'm dreading or freaking out about (I have anxiety), and I get the urge to cut. Before I tried to stop cutting, I would cut every single night before bed just to be able to fall asleep, and now if I don't cut my body shakes and I start breathing really hard and I just feel physically terrible/slightly sick.
My school counselor has suggested to me to take a walk, go to a different room, call a friend, etc, when I get the urge, but those don't apply at night even though they work during the day. She also suggested to do quick physical activity like pushups or situps, but I try that and it works for as long as I'm doing them but stops working as soon as I stop. I would just get up and do something else, but I cannot be sleeping through school just because I can't get to sleep at night.
Any ideas? I'm stuck. :[ Every night is worse than the last, and I'm going to cave in and cut sometime.
You could move the thing you cut with to a different part of the house or a place that is hard to get to, write, draw, color, listen to music, do things that will make you tired when it's close to your bedtime, ect. There are a ton of things that you could do even when it is night time. The urges will be hard to fight and other things don't always compare to what cutting does, but it definitely isn't worth it and you can get through this.
I'm sorry you're struggling so much with this. I can relate to finding nights a lot harder to deal with; I think a lot of us probably can. If there are things you're worrying about, does it help at all to write them down to get them out of your head before you go to bed? It can also help a lot if you have a good routine with time built in to do something relaxing before you go to bed; it sometimes makes you feel a bit more relaxed and makes it easier to get off to sleep.
Do you have any relaxation exercises that you can try when you're in bed and can't sleep? There are loads of them available online if you have a look; there some that I have found helpful here: http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/De...thDistress.pdf
It's ok to get up and go and do something else. It sounds like you're not going to be getting a lot of sleep when you feel like that anyway so it may help more to get up until you feel calmer. I have a box full of things that make me feel happy / calmer that I will always look through before I do anything to hurt myself. Often the times I end up using it are at night when I should be sleeping but it often helps and then I can get to sleep afterwards. Maybe you could try something like that.
Have you talked to your counsellor about how the things that usually help aren't appropriate at night? She may have some useful suggestions.
Good luck, and well done for trying so hard, you're doing great. Take care.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Hi there. I'm Krim, by the by. Dunno if that's important, but oh well!
What I ended up doing (as much of a square as this probably makes me feel like) is to create a really specific bedtime routine. I was surprised that this worked for me, actually, because usually distractions in general don't really do much for me. But basically what I do every night before I go to bed is:
1. Shut off all my electronics (computer, etc) about 10 minutes before I want to go to bed. That way I can kinda de-stress while getting ready for bed.
2. After getting pajamas on/teeth brushed/etc, read maybe a chapter (maybe just a few pages) of a book that I've been working on. Bonus points if this is the only time I read it.
3. Stretch for a few minutes.
4. Put on a specific playlist that I listen to every night and go to bed.
I know it sounds weird and kinda dumb, and it was strange at first. But since I have anxiety as well I really like routines in some cases, and eventually this one became a routine and made me want to cut less (because disrupting my routine to do that would've bothered me). If that makes any sense.
Do you think something at all similar might work for you?
-Krim
"You cannot take what you have not given, and you must give yourself." -Shevek, The Dispossessed(Ursula K. LeGuin)
I know what you mean, my psych only ever suggests things that work in the day when everyone is awake and such. I find the urges are always worse late at night for me so I've found a few quiet distractions that help me. I find that knitting while listening to music or an audiobook on headphones, drawing or playing my Psp help me keep distracted until I'm tired enough to fall asleep. I also agree with Krim that a routine might help you to relax before bed. You could maybe try writing down the things that you are worried about or dreading and journaling, putting it down on paper might help get it out of your head for a while.
"Some people get by, with a little understanding. Some people get by, with a whole lot more."
I struggle with falling asleep and not giving into the voices and images in my head at bedtime. Usually I throw on my iPod to the sound of ocean waves and tell myself a story. I know it sounds corny, but sometimes reliving the good things of the day or creating a fantasy world where things are good helps me fall asleep. Good luck with the nighttime hours it is hard to find something for that last hour just before sleep takes you.
I have a rag doll that I hug at night. I can whisper to her things that I worry about and when I feel like cutting I find hugging her tightly helps me. It's kinda babyish, but it's certainly something that is appropriate for night time. It helps me to say things to her like 'I feel _' or "I am upset because_' and tell her comforting things like 'you are good and you don't deserve to hurt' Kinda dumb, but… whatever. I just thought I'd throw it out there because I don't think anyone else has mentioned something like that.
Silence can be golden but gold can sometimes suffocate
Like that girl in that James Bond film, too late to respirate
Tragedy can be plain to see with lights and sirens
But sometimes it ain't quite so clear, Domestic Silence
~Scroobius Pip
