Im really sorry but i just don't think I can keep going. Maybe everyone would be better off with me gone, I know that I'm pathetic and a waste of space and I'm tired of fighting this... I don't really see any other way out...
It's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you home.
Has something happened to make you want to give up? And you aren't pathetic or a waste of space. People would really miss you if you were to end it, even the people who you aren't close to. I know that it seems like things wont get better for you, but it can. There are always reasons to stick around and fight through this.
Thank you for replying. I just can't see how things are goin to get better, I Can't get away from him, even though it was a long time ago, I still can't get over or past it, as much as I want to, and it haunts me everyday, in my dreams even when I'm awake, I'm terrified and I relive it over and over again. I just want to forget, to make it go away but I dont know how... Sorry if this don't make much sense... At least if I were gone then he couldn't get me...
It's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you home.
In my opinion, the only way that you can actually start to let go of the past is if you deal with your emotions that has been caused by it. Usually when bad things happen and you never deal with it then, it just keeps building and gets worse over time. Do you get any sort of professional help and support from the people in your life?
Em ye I have a councillor who i see once a week but can't bring myself to speak about this cos it makes me feel dirty and disgusting. Just want it to go away, to never have happened.. I'm sorry for wasting your time..
It's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you home.
You aren't wasting my time. I'm always happy to talk :) But I really believe that the only way it'll go away is if you deal with it straight on and get everything out by talking. It isn't your fault that this has happened and this doesn't make you dirty or disgusting. You're hurting right now and it's completely understandable. And your counselor might be able to be of more help if you try to open up a little bit more each time you see them.
Thanks I really appreciate u helping me I try to talk to her about it but when i do nothing comes out. Talking about it just scares me so much, im so ashamed, i must have done something to deserve this,I feel that I am bad and so I deserve to be punished in this way...
It's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you home.
No one deserves to feel this way or be treated badly. Everyone should be able to feel happy and safe. I can understand why you feel ashamed about the past, but you shouldn't. It wasn't your fault. The only person who is at fault is the person who did this to you. Could you write it down and give it to her the next time you see her? Maybe if you do it that way then it'll be a tiny bit better then having to say it out loud.
Ye I think I could maybe do that... Spoke to her today and I tried to tell her as much as I could about it (which wasn't a lot) but when it came to the parts that scared me the most I stopped and told her I couldn't speak about it anymore. Before I left I asked if, for next time, I could bring a pen and paper and write it down instead, which she said was fine. Why is it so hard to do, why can't I just tell her?...
Thanks again for taking the time to respond and help me. I really appreciate it
It's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you home.
It is hard for anyone to tell anyone, especially a doctor, about things that are going on in your life and how you are feeling. You shouldn't be too hard on yourself, though. You are doing great with telling her some of the things today and asking to write the other things down during your next appointment. It's okay if you take awhile longer to be able to open up completely. And there's no need to thank me. I'm always happy to listen :)
I try to talk to her about it but when i do nothing comes out. Talking about it just scares me so much, im so ashamed, i must have done something to deserve this,I feel that I am bad and so I deserve to be punished in this way...