I was wondering what experiences people have had with people making assumptions about you, because you self harm? Im trying to write a blog post about it, because all the myths and the stereotypes are really starting to piss me off. Like that we are all goths, or emo's, or that we are turned on by the sight of blood. I hate the assumption for example, that we dont feel paint the same way anyone else would, because we hurt ourselves so much? If i fall over, or i bang my hip off a door handle or something (i have disgustingly sticky out hips...this isnt a rare event lol) and i make a fuss over it, people will say 'Calm down, you do worse than that to yourself all the time Katie'.
Its said as a joke, and only by those very closest to me, who know about my SH but the assumption isnt a joke. The assumption is that i feel less pain that others because i self harm. Anyway, if anyone wanted to share their own experiences with sterotypes or myths about self harm, so i can include them in my post that would be great. I need more ideas for my list.
I have had some of those experiences too, about being turned on at the sight of blood, or that I really like pain or seeing people in pain, or that I am obvioulsy having suicide thoughts since I SI.
Another feeling I get from 2 friends who I talked to a month or so ago now think I'm going to self-destruct at any moment, and I feel like they are always watching me, questioning whether I"m going to snap or not.
"It is the stretched soul that makes music, and souls are stretched by the pull of opposite – opposite bents, tastes, yearnings, loyalties. Where there is no polarity – where energies flow smoothly in one direction – there will be much doing, but no music."
Hi there.
I often feel judged for my SH - especially due to my age (I'm 22) and I feel that people think it's a phase that I should have 'grown out of by now'. I guess that's one stereotype that's always got to me, that the only people who SH are young teens.
I can understand what you said about when you hurt yourself accidentally and people joke about SH - my own friends used to do this a lot. It's always hard to explain to someone that it's a different kind of pain when you do it accidentally to when you SH. I guess a lot of the time, if they haven't felt that pain they can't understand fully.
I do think a lot of the joking about SH comes from not understanding it, and for some people, being afraid of it.
I hope this post made some vague sort of sense.
<3 take care and stay strong.
x Katie x
One of my close friends used the fact that I sometimes hurt myself to excuse another of our mutual friends for hurting me. She even went so far as to say that I was "using him to hurt myself" and that "it wasn't fair to him" so she'd prefer I just cut myself. Well, so would I...I didn't exactly want to be assaulted, you know? Took me months to realize that she was full of it.
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
Yes I feel judged also. I told my BEST FRIEND of four years I relapsed and she now won't tell me anything about her life, in fear that it'll make me more stressed and I will cut. Also, friends get really paranoid about me if they find out and they get worried and their complete view of me changes. This should not happen. I am not a different person, I am still me.
"Monsters are real, ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win."
I do feel judged, but i take it as a given that we will be judged, not that i want to be judged! But so little people understand so i just take it for granted :).... so if that didnt come out well!
Anyway, many often think that self harming means we are killing ourselves or are trying to kill ourselves, as well as actual accidents not hurting. Also the fact we are all obviously emo's or goths etc. Also its assumed that whenever i am upset i will hurt myself...
Take care katie :) lots of hugs xxx
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
I feel judged too, although in an indirect way (so I apologize if my post is out of topic) : I never told anyone about my self-harm, but I can't stop people from making comments over it when I'm around.
The main one is assumptions that every self-harmer is a teenage-emo (I'm 22 and never had an "emo" phase, whatever that means, thank you very much), or that self-harmers are just attention-seekers who should just get a grip on themselves.
It always makes me feel very, very uncomfortable when I'm around.
More simply, there's also the change of attitude when people see your scars, and understand what they're linked to. Someone I had no problem with at my summer job completely changed his way towards me when he noticed my arms. You'd think I was still the same person, but apparently not.
-- English is not my mother-tongue, so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistake --
My god yes! I have 3 close friends who are all very good with it, one used to sh, another has alot of respect for people with mh problems/sh and another is going to be a psych nurse. But i do hate the who 'emo' thing or that when i used to go to A&E for a cut on my arm they would ask me if i was suicidal or other people thought i was crazy. Or that i wanted to kill myself just because i harmed. So i have had my fair share, i wouldn't hide my scars but i am so scared of been judged been seen as crazy or attention seeking.
Also people who do know me may feel differently or look at me in a different way because i have scars, or they may reat me differently.
I feel judged by it all the time, especially since I'm in my teen years, people can be cruel. Even if I hide my SH, it makes it harder for me to tell people about it when I'm looking for help or support. I guess I've started being more cautious after being told people's opinions when I wasn't hiding it. The worst - and unfortunately most common - always seem to be 'attention seeking' and 'emo'. I refuse to wear any more than 1 black item of clothing to avoid being judged like that. :|
Extremely...I have so many people comment on scars, especially right now because it got chilly so i thought I was safe on my arms then it got hot again. But the whole 'emo people' thing is old...i have a few friends who are extremely supportive but in general i feel like i'm lying to everyone else cos i will feel so judged...so...outcast.
I feel people judge me because of my scars and because I self harm, a few people have asked me why I still do it (I'm 25) they assumed it was a phase I'd have grown out of by now. Once someone said they thought I should be locked up because I was obviously insane, I was a bit stunned by that comment and just laughed.
A surprising number of people assumed I self harm for sort of BDSM/sexual reasons, so they thought I was into sex fetishes. I was kind of surprised by it as it's not something I'm into at all.
I get 'goth' comments because I wear black a lot, I don't really mind that so much even though I wouldn't call myself 'goth' it's not too bad because it's less offensive than comments I've had before.
I've had people tell me they were surprised by me because I can have a laugh, they assumed I'd be depressed and suicidal all the time because I self harm.
To be honest, not many people definitely know about my SH, but I can see that a lot of people are suspicious. My friends are kinda supportive but I'm being much more introverted and distant lately because I know I'll just bring the mood down.
As for my mum, she thinks I'm ungrateful and deliberately doing it to hurt her because I'm a stereotypical teenager who hates her life.
I don't even want to tell her the real reasons because she wouldn't believe me anyway. She thinks I hate my life. I don't. It's a great life. I just wish it was in the hands of someone who can make the most of it instead of throwing it away. But I can't stop.
In P.E. this week I could see out of the corner of my eye people were looking at me funny when I went off to the loos. Even funnier looks when I came out having magically changed my outfit...
Because people think its all for attention or manipulation im really paranoid about that. So when i si i have to spend ages examining my motives to make sure that cant happen. I kinda feel guilty just joining ryl, because im ta
King about it
Dont feel guilty!!!!!Its good that you are expressing yourself. If you lock it up because of what people might think, you will only make it worse. You deserve support, it doesnt make you a bad person that you have come to look for it.
You arent an attention seeker just because you find it hard to cope with this alone. We all do, thats why we are here.
Thanks for everyones suggestion. I think ive covered them all.Go to www.katieinwonderlandx.wordpress.com if you want to read all the myths I found with everyones help :)
I feel people judge me because of my scars and because I self harm, a few people have asked me why I still do it (I'm 25) they assumed it was a phase I'd have grown out of by now. Once someone said they thought I should be locked up because I was obviously insane, I was a bit stunned by that comment and just laughed.
I've had people tell me they were surprised by me because I can have a laugh, they assumed I'd be depressed and suicidal all the time because I self harm.
^ This. Especially since I've already gotten into my career, which is Nursing, which means I get judged triple. :/
So much for a caring, understanding profession
I do feel judged, but i take it as a given that we will be judged
I guess this^ of sorts. I think just because of how little most people know about self-harm, it creates stereotypes and judgment. When I wear shorts/short sleeves, I get all kinds of looks from people... not sure if I always want to know what they're thinking or not. Suppose it's like people who do drugs or have other problems, where thoughts/ideas are formed based on a characteristic someone has or something they do.
Hopefully that made sense... mentally only about half "here" right now :P
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
I've felt judged by some people but never by others. If somebody doesn't know me at all, I tend to hide more from them because I'm afraid of getting comments that I won't be able to reply to. There are also some people I know quite well that I steer clear from because they would not take it well. When I'm around these people I feel like they'll call me emo or suicidal or attention seeking, the regular stereotypes. >.>
But some people are just easy to talk to, easy to be open with. They don't get it but they don't judge, and they are always there for me. :) They don't make assumptions but let me tell my own story.
Yes. Of course we're going to be judged. We cut ourselves. If that doesn't defy every single human instinct then I don't know what does. People judge others all the time. Have you heard what's said about people who are fat? What about people who smoke? Drink? Take drugs? Are disabled? Have Downs Syndrome? Aspergers? Tourettes? The list is endless. It's human nature to judge. Heck, I've even been judged for my glasses, the fact I went to a private school (you have no idea the stigma that that throws up) or that I have a part-time job in a supermarket. I know that it doesn't make it any easier to deal with but if people weren't judging you for your self-harm then they'd find something else to hone in on.
No, that doesn't mean that it's any less difficult to cope with but please try to remember that people are going to pass judgement on everything, including what they don't understand - especially what they don't understand. If you don't get something then, rather than ask about it and appear/feel stupid, people will often lash out or insult another person to protect themselves. I've seen it happen time and time again. All you can do is to be patient and stand up for yourself. If it is upsetting you that your friends comment about your self-harm every time that you hurt yourself accidentally then tell them. How will they know it upsets you if you don't tell them? That's what's important to remember, I suppose, no one's a mind-reader and in order to dispel these myths and rumours, we have to be open and honest and to defend ourselves and others from those words.
Not everyone judges. Quite a lot more people have experienced self-harm than many realise. I mean, what about the fact that they might be passing judgement on self-harm in order to appear normal and not let on that they actually self-harm and therefore, to protect themselves? There's always more to it than meets the eye. I must have been cynical and sarcastic about self-harm at some point in my life - I know I've joked about it more than once, to the surprise of my friends. It's not because I want to create a stereotype, more because if you joke about it and laugh at the stereotype, it makes it more funny and less easier to believe, in a sense.
I hope I'm not coming across as harsh, I just thought that I would throw in my two-penneth. Don't let anyone get to you. They have no right to.
I was wondering what experiences people have had with people making assumptions about you, because you self harm? Im trying to write a blog post about it, because all the myths and the stereotypes are really starting to piss me off. Like that we are all goths, or emo's, or that we are turned on by the sight of blood. I hate the assumption for example, that we dont feel paint the same way anyone else would, because we hurt ourselves so much? If i fall over, or i bang my hip off a door handle or something (i have disgustingly sticky out hips...this isnt a rare event lol) and i make a fuss over it, people will say 'Calm down, you do worse than that to yourself all the time Katie'.
