I lied to you when I said I was fine.
You knew I wasn't.
Why haven't you tried to check up on me?
If you really cared, wouldn't you make sure I was ok after something like that?
Whatever it is, you can get through it. I promise.
I don't cut anymore and i am really glad that it makes you happy it makes me happy too, but it isn't becasue i'm better it's because it doesn't make me feel anything any more so all it means is instead of cuttting the bad feelings out they just stay there.
"The body faught to survive, it evacuated toxins in any way it knew how. It made clots to stop the bleeding.Bones would find the quickest ways to heal themselves. It made scar tissue. In the face of violence towards it, it would become violent. It was amazing, yet excruciating. "
You asked me why I was shivering and turned the heat up. The truth is, I have been so cold for days now, it is an inner cold that can't be warmed up... I'm shivering so badly and try to hide it from you... but I couldn't hide the new wounds...
I am so sorry for being such a psycho. I told you you would be happier without me. Please believe me.
An indefinable yearning, possibly for something he once knew and then lost or for something he never knew and has always been searching for.
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
Oh for God's sake, could you not just put the lecture notes on the web? like, really. I can't stay awake in lectures, and just getting to lecture is an achievment these days. If there's any chance I'm not going to fail this year, at least let me have the fucking lecture notes. I can barely breathe I'm so fucking depressed, how on earth am I expected to function?
I LOVE YOU ALL :D You are awesome people and I don't even know how I could describe how much fun I've had with you guys (and this is only the beginning, too!) It's funny, just a couple of years ago I could have never imagined doing this, but with you, things seem so comfortable and natural. I can express myself more freely than ever before. I know that we'll create beautiful things together ♥
I'm sorry. I know I'm impossible to live with. If I'm having a bad day I'm unresponsive, snappy and horrible to be around. I basically turn into a stroppy teenager. I just wish you could have more understanding and not keeping pushing me to get a job or get up in the morning or tidy my room. I need more time. I know to you my breakup seems trivial, but I still don't see any point in even carrying on without him, so it's just a struggle to even do the simplest things.
Noone can see your tears when you walk in the rain
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The most boring place on earth?
I am currently:
Lol, you're funny, thinking you'll "put me in my place" FYI that's something Aaron would have said to me. I won't fall cause I'm fine, I love my life now, and I'm happy with myself and my life. I'm making a difference and helping people. I cannot even begin to tell you how funny it is to me that you think I'm gonna fall, that you think you're gonna put me in my place. Well this is me telling you it's not gonna happen, get over it, I'm stronger then you are, and I'm not bitter, or angry, or cocky like you are. You think you're so great and perfect and you did nothing wrong but you did just as much as I did if not more. So have a nice life, I seriously mean that. :)
The beer spills in a disgusting puddle and the glass becomes nothing but fragments of a rainbow.
If only you knew the things I went through, then maybe you'd finally understand why I'm such a screw up.
I didn't chose to be this way.
Do you think I chose this?
Of course not.
And It's all your fault...
"There's an old Earth saying, Captain. A phrase of such great power and wisdom and consolation to the soul in times of need."
"And what's that?"
22 years on now since we split - I'll always have the fond memories of us together. I was foolish & insecure back then, so its no wonder you finally gave up on me.
Every now & then at random , for some reason & at random, you'll be the subject in my mind when I'm asleep .
Yesterday- ,again you appeared & it always seems so real !! , I did'nt want the dream to end - but then I'll awake & I relize its only a dream , - I'll go back to sleep, but you've gone & I cannot find you untill you next enter my thoughts at random when I sleeping.
In reality, we've both moved on in life now, & we would probably be so different.
But for me, what I have now cannot compare to the magic we shared 23 years ago, & that song by level 42 will always mean so much.
If I could turn back time to october 1985. - need I say more.
If by chance miracle you read this & if you feel the same - Please, just get in contact.
Dave.
Last edited by 0121-Dave. : 05-10-2011 at 03:19 AM.
Reason: thoughts of hope added & bold text
Can someone advise me how to apply my signature to my posts ? ..., as when I tried my pen scratched my PC screen.
I was so ugly that when I was born the midwife slapped our dad !
oh non-believer, please believe me.
is there honestly nothing in this world
that keeps you living & breathing?
you're a ghost in your own
goddamn city.
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
oh non-believer, please believe me.
is there honestly nothing in this world
that keeps you living & breathing?
you're a ghost in your own
goddamn city.
I hate you. Thanks for embarrassing me again. Show me some love next time. It would be nice
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
