When I see it in threads, I do just ignore it. I know they mean it as a joke, and not to personally offend me. But in online conversations, in chat for example (It has not happened though, just an example) I am afraid of asking people not to use that word because I am afraid of the abuse I fear I will get.
I know that internet is not a very good way of commumication. Under normal cercumstances I always try to interprite everything in every way possible. When my MH is bad... Well.. yeah.
Maybe if Harley thought it was a good idea he could give the job of webmaster to someone else? This is an idea, not a critism. I know that the running of the site might not allow that, if so, then oh well. Its an idea.
I really don't want this to turn into a Harley bitch-fest, that's not my intention and god knows I've done enough of it in the past to not need to do it more - but, I'm gonna say now, it's not through lack of our trying that we're in the situation we're in, it's just that one person holds the reins and isn't letting go. That's somewhat fair as Harley has dedicated an awful lot of time and money to this site in the past, and I don't think anybody is forgetting about that. But things aren't going to change now. These sorts of conversations (maybe distributing/delegating power a bit more) have been going on for years and there have been a number of truly brilliant, talented and willing people stand up and offer - but it hasn't happened yet, and I think most people have given up on the hope of it actually happening in the future.
Right, let me just start by saying i have not been trying to hurt/upset anyone by my comments that i have made on this thread or any other thread (if you feel i have then please feel free to report me or something), All comments i have made on this thread are just my opinions on things that have been said.
Life is too short and there are far more important things in the world that you should focus on and worry about, not whether you think you're being 'bullied' because someone said the word 'emo' in your presence.
Being offended doesn't mean you're going to die. Unless someone went out of their way to offend you as an individual, I think you just need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and
Get.
Over.
It.
THIS
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
Yes, but you've complained about the word emo being used plenty of times before, I know you have. You've complained about it being offensive, despite how many times we've told you and the people who agree with you that we are NOT using it offensively. If we were, I could understand your concerns. But we are not.
Also, you've hit the nail on the head right there. "If I try to make a joke, people find it offensive and give me more abuse." Now. Do you see how we feel? You know who I'm talking about. 'We' being the group of people who find humour in nearly every situation to bring light to it and to make ourselves feel better. We have people getting offended and abusing us. Surely, SURELY, this should open your eyes to how WE feel and maybe open your mind a little too.
Hopefully you will think twice before ranting about how offended you are if you have experienced the same yourself.
And I agree Harley should give the job to someone else. HOWEVER. He won't get his arse online to actually do that. I don't want this to turn into another 'Hey Harley, sort yourself out and give someone powers' thread, because I will just get more pissed off.
But. My question is. What do you mean by 'controversial' subjects? I can guarantee there will have been at least one person giving you actual support, even if everyone else is complaining about the thread you have posted. Spare a thought for those who make an actual effort please. You seem to have forgotten those people and focused on douchebags around the site who may or may not have been horrible to you one time.
If you're being bullied, REPORT IT. Or, even better, IGNORE THE MEMBER OR MEMBERS. There are SO many options you have as opposed to just taking it, then making a woe thread.
So, in answer to your question 'What the hell has happened to RYL?', this. THIS is what has happened to RYL. It is no longer a place for support and fun. Only a handful of members seem to care enough to support anyone, the rest, come here looking for support for themselves, without giving any in return. And the FUN is always, ALWAYSALWAYSALWAYS knocked down by someone being offended or triggered. In some instances, I can understand why making fun of EDs or self harm can be offensive.
But there have been threads where NOTHING offensive has gone into them and someone will turn round and say 'I dislike the fact you've been spelling things right. I am dyslexic. This is offensive' OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
Is it really so hard to ignore? Or even report it! Report it and if it has broken rules, it will be removed. If it has not, at least then you will know that you're being silly about it.
IS THIS ANY CLEARER?! STOP MAKING THREADS LIKE THIS AND RYL WILL BE A HELL OF A LOT BETTER.
I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
Lorraine, I really think you need to take better care of yourself by letting this sort of thing wash over your shoulders.
These people don't know you, your problems or anything else about you.
If this site isn't serving the purpose you need it might be best to move on to a different site or just stay in the threads that are safer.
Let go when you’re hurting too much, give up when love isn’t enough and move on when things are not like before. There is someone out there who will love you even more,
surely then, you will know true love.
Nic you are going in my quote book. I need to remind many of you that Harley is still paying the bills. At any point he could just let the domain name fall into a cybersquatter's hands or not pay for bandwith
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
there are so many threads complaining about the site. well, i dont come on forum much, but i do spend a lot of time on chat, and although things arent as good as they could be, its improved hugely. the mods have went out of their way to make it better, and the members on chat are also trying to help. yes there are people who bitch and moan and, imo ,go out of their way to be rude and annoy people, but other members stand up to them, tell them it isnt helpful and try to support the people it was aimed at. yes we still bitch about some of it, because, well, this is a website with a shitload of different personalities, its never gonna be sunshine and lollipops. but the site can only keep going downhill aslong as members just give up and complain instead of trying to help out. and also, mods have a hard time (and i admit i used to be one who complained a lot about the mods), but they have lives, they run this site (on half staff) and also have their own problems, give them a break, help the site instead of complaining, and maybe it will stop going downhill.
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2851063#post2851063 <<< loving this thread!!
You know, being a mod on RYL feels increasingly like babysitting children. There seems to be a culture of members not taking responsibility for their own actions and blaming anything that goes wrong on the lack of moderators. I've been a member of this site for many years and have never seen such a level of people taking no responsibility as I do at the moment.
This site is never going to please everyone at once, RYL forces people together who would not gel in real life and I find it bizarre that people think that somehow everyone is going to 'get' each other. That no one will get offended by other people. So whats the solution to these things?Do we censor everyone and then no one feels free to talk.Or do we let some things go and risk being seen as 'unfair' and 'biased'.
As I've said backstage on RYL I am ashamed that my chat mod team has fallen apart whilst under my guidance. But I am proud of them for everything they do and I think that people dont realise the sacrifices they make. I have a chat mod who quit and who has come back to the team,even though the reason they quit is still there. I know at least one other chat mod who wants to leave but sticks with us because they cant bear to leave the chat mods with only 3/4 of us left.
Do you (universally) think that Im not aware that we need more mods?If its obvious to the members then its sure as hell obvious to the moderators. We do what we can.....but Im just about to go into my second year of uni, I have a chat mod who works a massive amount,one whos working on her degree and two more who are also back in education soon.....now as much as I love RYL Im not going to ruin my life for it. Im not going to get a degree in 'RYL moderating 101'. But I also dont want to leave,especially now.
If I didnt love RYL I would have left by now. I wouldve left when my powers didnt work and no one replied to me for however long its been. I wouldve left when I was getting 10 PMs a day telling me how horrible I was. I wouldve left when I was disheartened over members attitudes.
RYL makes me sad, for many reasons. Mostly because I can see the point of view of those who make light of things and those who dont find it funny.....and because I know in my heart that nothing will ever bring these two groups of people together.
So what can we do?
I think people need to make a concious effort to ignore threads that upset them and to ignore the members too. It is easy for you to be in control of this.This is something you have the power to sort out, embrace that.
I also think that those on the joking side do need to consider how hurtful these things come across and there is a line that is often blurred. One thread in general chat can be funny....3 or 4 which Ive seen recently can be too much and come over as mocking the whole site.
How do we think this thread looks to new members who are trying to get help from here?Some of the replies on BOTH sides of the fence would certainly turn members away.
I will do anything in my power to protect the mods I work with, because I know in my heart that what is going on here isnt their fault. It isnt to do with lack of mods, its to do with members not taking responsibility for themselves and not accepting that thats what they need to do....members are in control of their own RYL experience for the most part and if people want to hurt themselves by looking for this stuff or by getting angry about situations they arent fully aware of, then honestly thats their look out.
Im both a forum mod and the head of chat....these are both roles Im proud of and I'll always be proud to be a part of these teams. But Im not proud of the way weve been left, struggling and Im not proud of how members seem to use that as an excuse for bad behaviour on the boards. Its an easy thing to blame everything on this, rather than looking within.
If you dont take in my reply, then please....consider the following. Imagine logging on to RYL and knowing that the first thing youre going to recieve is a PM telling you how rubbish you are. I dont mean 'you guys suck.' I mean really nasty PMs. Or going into the mod boards and seeing yet another discussion about members hating on RYL or hating on each other. Then you log into general, thinking that you might actually be able to get some sort of light relief and nestled amongst those threads is one like this, that makes you feel like ****, like you might as well just give up now, because actually no one wants to change. Imagine not being able to post for support or post a rant thread because people will constantly use it against you or because you dont want people to see that youre struggling. Its not easy to be a mod, but we do it because we have a loyalty to the site and each other.
Im sure this is too long for people to read. But its important.....it needed to be said and Im not sorry that Ive said it.
Liv.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
If I didnt love RYL I would have left by now. I wouldve left when my powers didnt work and no one replied to me for however long its been. I wouldve left when I was getting 10 PMs a day telling me how horrible I was. I wouldve left when I was disheartened over members attitudes.
If you dont take in my reply, then please....consider the following. Imagine logging on to RYL and knowing that the first thing youre going to recieve is a PM telling you how rubbish you are. I dont mean 'you guys suck.' I mean really nasty PMs.
i wish this was an exaggeration. =( i feel so sorry for the mods atm.
I'm genuinely astounded that you've recieved horrible PMs Liv, that is outrageous. And yeah, whoever's doing it deserves a slap.
-------------------------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by griddlebone
I also think that those on the joking side do need to consider how hurtful these things come across and there is a line that is often blurred. One thread in general chat can be funny....3 or 4 which Ive seen recently can be too much and come over as mocking the whole site.
eep, I get the feeling that this is aimed partly at me? I made two threads in GC recently, and partook in a few more, and I guess maybe they could be interpreted as mocking the site? Thast was not my intention though, they were mainly mocking Em for being a Ginger (a timeless joke), and mocking myself with some fake woe (feel free to stalk my actual r/v as proof that I am a ball of woe, of the variety that I was taking the piss out of). I didn't realise I was breaking rules, and if I was, could I please be told so directly?
That night I got texts from people saying I'd made their night, so obviously I was like "wheyy, good times". I hope you can see that from my point of view, when I do stuff and only get positive feedback, I'm going to continue doing it. I'd much rather have got an infarction point at the time and told that it was unacceptable, than to be allowed to continue and wait for a week and see stuff like this.
I posted in all the 'thankyou mods' threads, so I hope you can see that I truly appreciate all the work the mods do, and I'm proper guilty that I have wasted mods time with my trolling. I just ask, please could someone tell me if I'm out of order at the time? Because the last thing I ever want to do is cause offense.
The threads you made have cheered me up in a time where I was pretty messed up tbh. I didn't find them offensive at all, they made me laugh. Anywhere that takes the p*ss out of the ginge is good with me! x
Not to keep going in circles here but some of the comments from last night has really annoyed me. Shouldn't people be able to bring up something that is going and and they don't find right or ok???? It seems every time there are people taking the piss and someone speaks up against it, they get flamed and bullied so ****ing bad. Is this fair??? I mean, is it ok that it's ALWAYS the same people making a joke on behalf of others but it's not ok for anyone to take offense from that????
I think some people around here should start to think about how their behaviour on these boards are affecting others. To me it seems like certain people are being mean just because they can.
And this is not about not being able to take a joke. This about people speaking their mind and being attacked and ridiculed for it.
I think some of the people who have commented on this thread should be ashamed of themselves.
I agree with Liv aboiut the so many threads. 1 is fine. 2 is pushing it. 3/4? No need. And yes, you guys know that I do do humour. But this is just too much.
I agree with Liv aboiut the so many threads. 1 is fine. 2 is pushing it. 3/4? No need. And yes, you guys know that I do do humour. But this is just too much.
This ^^^
Quote:
Originally Posted by griddlebone
I also think that those on the joking side do need to consider how hurtful these things come across and there is a line that is often blurred. One thread in general chat can be funny....3 or 4 which Ive seen recently can be too much and come over as mocking the whole site.
Liv.
What is funny about being ginger? I'm really confused. I've heard this joke before but nobody explained it to me.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
