"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
Person one: I can't stand you and your bitchiness. You used to be one of my very best friends. Now I'm losing you...
Person two: Fuck you! I can't stand you. I mean... I'm still having troubles even though it's, what?, four years later, and my memory has blocked out most of your shit, but still... I STILL can't get over it. God...
Person three: I love you. I love you so, so much. And you say you love me, too, but you don't deserve me. At all. And I'm on the phone with you right now, and now I just burst into tears thinking about this, and...and dammit, why can't I do anything right?!
Sometimes the best way to hold onto something is to let it go. - Anon
"Do you feel cold and lost in desperation/You build up hope but failure's all you've known/
Remember all the sadness and frustration/And let it go/Let it go"
-Linkin Park, Iridescent
GET READY BOYS AND GIRLS IT'S TIME FOR LET'S MAKE A DEAL!
Door number one: Five people who only remotely care for me when it's alright for them.
Door two: Two people who care for me most of the time when they're not stuck up each other's ass or fighting and asking me for moderation.
Door three: One person who completely ripped my heart out, stomped on it, set it on fire, and then proceeded to attempt to put it back together again while slowly inserting needles and pins into it, however still says she loves me even though I have a difficulty believing it, yet at the SAME time she is the only one who truly cares for me.
Dear god the options are intriguing. They all have their pros and cons. Choose one, lose the other two...
...three?
When I'm gone, are you gonna miss me? Are you even listening? Do you even care about anything at all?
I fancy you. I said it, ok. Now deal with it. Let me down or say yes. Just stop playing games. I don't know if I'll see you tomorrow, or ever again for that matter. It's not like you bother to get in touch.
I fucking hate this job so much. I honestly cannot wait to finish, take my money and pray to god I never get put back in there again. What a waste of my time.
*see previous post of mine if you don't get this and are actually interested*
Door number three is an entertaining option. Doors number 1 and 2 won't get it at all. Mainly because the members in One will proceed to think "Okay, she completely KILLED your insides and almost your outsides and you're going to go back to that?!" whereas Two will wonder why, proceed to completely mess with me because of my choice, and/or make fun of me for it.
My only issue is that since door Three forcefully closed and I locked it's door shut, I haven't been able to tell what is and what isn't the truth. I've been told a ton of things, stuff that has made me question everything from my sexuality AGAIN to looking at the acne around my lips and wondering if it's really acne. It's concerning.
Yet at the same time, I really need door three. At least, I feel like I need door three. There's no real way I could escape door three even if I wanted to. So why not just embrace it and move forward? I'm still in love. I never fell out of it I don't think. But if I couldn't break her out of her spell once, I'm never going to be able to do it.
So door number two then? Because there's no way I can choose all three doors. Door number one is my least favorite option because I'm slowly starting to see the group for who they really are.
When I'm gone, are you gonna miss me? Are you even listening? Do you even care about anything at all?
i hate how much i depend on you.
your the only person who knows and theres nothing you do about it other than make me feel worse.
and i hate you for all the times youve emotionally abused me.
I'm not going to tonight, or probably even in the very near future but I really want to keep taking those pills until I can't take them any longer, until I'm unconscious. I know what might happen after that but right now I don't actually care that much. I can't cut to take a break anymore. It just isn't working. I'm sorry. I really am safe for the moment though. I just don't think I want to be and that is where the confusion comes in. I wish you hadn't told me those twenty words. Meant to be a deterrant but more a trigger.
'From what I've heard and read on your notes, you have no clue how lucky you were to be alive'
you're listening, and thinking about how hurt i am, and doing nothing. thank you. i don't give a fuck anymore. if you taught me one thing, it was that i should never take a guys word, and never trust. because people will turn their back on you - even if you thought they were the only one you could trust.
I wonder if you can tell I like you. I don't do anything when I;m around you, only because if I do, I might give away clues and you'll find out I like you.
hmm. so. maybe I'm not asexual? I think... i might... have feelings for you? I don't know, because I've genuinely never had feelings like this before, so I have no idea if this is romantic attraction or not. Sucks that you're a girl and I'm a girl though. Could never happen . My parents wouldn't approve.
![[Luna]'s Avatar](image.php?s=2de9a2f56a9a7b53fe58fca62b62107c&u=32920&dateline=1692390196)
I wish I didn't have to keep saying goodbye
