I am Jesikah.
I have been a Christian since April 2010 when I began to attend youth, I chose to get baptised in December 2010, but it was really last months where I came into a realisation of God and how much he really loves me. I've been concentrating on developing my relationship with God, and praying more. I have been free of SI since April this year, however, I have almost caved a few times lately... I do have this constant fear in the back of my mind that no one except God is ever going to love me.
Anywayyy,
nice to meet more other christians besides those in my church/youth.
Hey all...
I haven't been in this thread in a while. Mom told me last night that she is proud of me for doing so well and for my progress, but tonight I feel so stinkin' manic and like i'm on a rollercoaster that I feel bad about her being proud of me cuz I'm just so tempted and the urges just keep getting stronger tonight.
Like, for a few minutes I'm like this
and then for a few minutes I'm like this
I feel so unstable tonight that I just can't take it! I don't want to let her down though. I don't want to slip up and possible relapse....
I think I'm actually gonna try and speak up tomorrow. Maybe try to talk to the pastor and his wife about it...maybe... who knows....
Anyway, I hope everyone is doing ok. Praying for all of you.
Thank you for your prayers. I feel so guilty that I'm struggling so much. People just don't expect a 65-year-old to struggle with urges. It's not even as if I have a background of abuse or anything. Mild SH started after Mum died in 2004.
There are a number of things which have set me back:
- back pain and severe sciatica (being seen at pain clinic today)
- cold damp weather
- financial stress (waiting to release some investments)
- loneliness
- problems with letting housework get on top of me
- a lot to do before my two new rats arrive on Saturday
- one of my favourite rats is seriously ill
- a couple of very unfortunate problems with my rats
- lack of experienced support at church
For some time I've been finding it hard to summon up interest in the things that normally interest me - photography and editing. the computer and even, to some extent, my lovely rats. I keep making daft typing mistakes.
I really must get my living room sorted out when I get back from hospital.
I'm Sian. I'm 20, and became a Christian at a festival August 2009. I starting SI when I was 16, and I thought I was free for a year until I met Jesus. These last 2 years have been a blur - God really bringing up the fact that I wasn't free, and burying it and trying to forget about it wasn't going to happen. I'm now deeper in this hole than I ever have been, things seem hopeless, and God just seems unreachable.
I'm in an amazing supportive church, which I'm really thankful for. Nearly finished my internship at the church, which has been pretty difficult with the SI and things, but I'm thankful I've had this year to serve the church.
Was just a bit excited when I saw this thread :) Feel free to pm me any time
S xx
I know this is kinda off-topic but I could really use some help from those who know the Bible a bit better. I need a quote from the Bible that talks about how some things are irrelevant and shallow and how others are more important. Any passage will do. Thank you!!!
Ecclesiastes is a good book for that. Sorry, I don't have any specs.
We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin. ~André Berthiaume
hi i've not been on this thread in AGES! so sorry but I was just flicking round youtube and found this song that i love, and i want to share it with my fellow brothers and sisters.
May God bless you all, am praying for you
Yours in Christ
Ami
I'm being confirmed next week :D We talked about sin and going against the 10 commandments today in confirmation class, i feel like an awful person now! I feel like self-injury and depression just isn't compatible with being a Christian...confused.com
Let the Force be with you
I'm not short, I'm space efficient
commandments/laws arent meant to condemn but to show us what is right and that its impossible to obey all of it hence the need for grace and mercy.
if depression isnt compatible with loving God a lot of people in the Bible had a major problem :p David and Elijah come to mind, know theres lots more. erm yeah lost train of thought...erm s.i. obviously not good but doesnt make you not in a relationship with God. yeah. i'll stop now as i'm not making sense :p
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
Triggered bad at church on Saturday. If I do things at church, like pretend I don't see someone who has hurt me and continues to hurt me, am I lost? My psychiatrist thought it was okay that I ignored them, because last time I went to church and the person hurt me I almost...............when I went home.
Only this time, I felt so awful. Church is meant to be a place of peace. But I was hurting sooooooo much. I was angry at all those people who didn't care that I was hurting. And I felt sooooo alone.
I am not sure where I am safe to worship without knowing when next I will be triggered when I try to go to church.
I do read the Bible and pray as much as I can on my own, but that is not the exhaustive limits of my faith. I need a community, and I can't seem to find one.
~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red
“It’s time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. It’s not working for women, it’s not working for men,
it’s not working for polar bears.” Arianna Huffington 2014
musicmad: God doesn't like us being depressed and sh, and he obviously didn't mean it for us. However, we live under grace and not law - God loves us whatever we choose to do, and he just beckons us back gently. He understands our situation.
bitomato: That really sucks you're being triggered at church. I think the problem is alot of people don't understand, so that when they see you're in pain they just ignore it because they don't know what to say.
Do you know what is triggering you when you go to church? Do you think that God is just bringing to the forefront your problems because he wants to help you through them?
bitomato, when you're in church and triggered, can you bring those hurts to God? say to him, like, this is how i'm feeling, because of this, and i'd like to react like this but what do you think? then leave it with him, remembering that God wants good things for us.
with this person who hurts you it sounds like you are taking the most peaceful route you can. keep praying that you will be able to forgive this person, and find a good, healthy, safe way to resolve this relationship, for both your goods. it'll be hard and maybe you will want to find someone who can help you with this, someone wise who will be a reminder of God's voice when things are hard for you.
Hi guys,
Yes I do know why I was triggered. And although not ideal at the service- I can try to bring my concerns to God in prayer because I do want the issues to be resolved peacefully. I guess, because I get very caught up with how bad I am, because of the decisions I make when I am angry or hurting- especially the thoughts that I have- I separate myself from His love and peace.
~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red
“It’s time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. It’s not working for women, it’s not working for men,
it’s not working for polar bears.” Arianna Huffington 2014
I'm Sian. I'm 20, and became a Christian at a festival August 2009. I starting SI when I was 16, and I thought I was free for a year until I met Jesus. These last 2 years have been a blur - God really bringing up the fact that I wasn't free, and burying it and trying to forget about it wasn't going to happen. I'm now deeper in this hole than I ever have been, things seem hopeless, and God just seems unreachable.
Welcome to the thread, keep holding onto hope and the knowledge that "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil 1:6). There is a good work, a wonderful work even being conducted in your life. The loss of hope stems in many ways from doubt that while God has been there to deliver others from difficulties, deliver others from their struggles, that somehow that doesn't apply to you. His faithfulness and his love is for you too, individually and intimately. God calls us to continually reach out to him regardless of whether we feel his presence or not, because we know that his presence is there, and through continually laying down our life for him, we will slowly but surely attain the growth, hope, intimacy, and free life he intends for us all.
You can do it; keep seeking God, live in a state of forgiveness and openness to God's hand and voice in your life, and you'll feel things start to come around. A Christian life isn't perfect; it's pretty hard actually, but it's good, it's fulfilling, and it's worth it.
I love You, O my God, and my only desire is to love You until the last breath of my life. I love You, O my infinitely lovable God, and I would rather die loving You, than live without loving You. I love You, Lord, and the only grace I ask is to love You eternally My God, if my tongue cannot say in every moment that I love You, I want my heart to repeat it to You as often as I draw breath.
-St. John Vianney
"Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged,
sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and wrong because sometime in your life you will have been all of these."
Ancalagon: Thanks for taking the time to reply :) Properly struck a chord with me - I do feel that I've watched people be healed, I've seen the sick get better, but his not helped me and I somehow feel rejected. But I'm going to keep pushing through. God gave me a calling last year, and I know he is going to use my situations I'm in, I have been in, and I will be in, to advance his kingdom. I just have to be patient cos it's in his time, not mine.
God creates out of nothing. Wonderful you say. Yes, to be sure, but he does what is still more wonderful: he makes saints out of sinners
-Soren Kierkegaard
"Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged,
sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and wrong because sometime in your life you will have been all of these."
Just thought I'd let you all know that 3 weeks ago after I came back from the big church day out, I decided that I was really gunna try and get my relationship with God back on track. I made the decision to spend the time I would usually spend on the computer in the late evening, praying and spending time with Him.
I have not self-harmed once since then. :)
I am currently 3 weeks free, which is the longest I've been free in over a year.
He is changing me, and really given me the strength to rise above the temptations and depression I'd normally struggle with daily. I've suddenly been feeling so good these last few weeks - and I feel so refreshed and optimistic. Through various worship songs and bible verses, He has really reminded me of His incredible love for me, and how amazing His grace and mercy is. :)
God is so good, and I just wanted to share this with you all as an encouragement!
How is everyone else doing?
Charis x
btw, for anyone in the UK looking for a good Christian radio station, I really recommend UCB! I found it the other week on DAB and it's brilliant.
Last edited by Carousel : 19-06-2011 at 07:03 PM.
Reason: adding!
Charis, that is absolutely wonderful to hear! Such a fantastic idea and an inspiration. (Don't ya think so Anna?) Thank you so much for sharing! Keep moving forward and continue sharing.
