I'm not with someone anymore, but when I was I used to hate the fact that when I hurt myself, I was also hurting them. It used to add a lot of extra guilt and pain to the situation and made space between me and my then boyfriend.
You say that your husband knows when you've SIed; can you talk to him about it? I know it probably sounds weird but maybe if you can let him be a part of it, it would help? It must be hard for him knowing that he can be there, but he can't make you stop, but if he can help look after you after you've hurt yourself, maybe it would help? It also can't be very easy for you if you feel like there's part of your life you have to keep from him, which I'm guessing is already something which makes you feel quite isolated anyway. SI always becomes more complicated to deal with when there are other people's feelings involved and I know that it's difficult not to, but try not to get too tied up in guilt or hurt that you might feel in relation to your husbands' feelings, as it will only result in a cycle where you feel more as though you need to hurt yourself.
Take care
xxx
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