I love you to bits, but you're really starting to get to me.
Its great that you have me to lean on, everyone needs someone. But you have to understand that when you ask my advice, then throw it back in my face and totally ignore it, it really frustrating. And it makes me feel like shit. And I wish you just would leave me alone and stop asking for it. Which thus makes me feel worse for being a horrible person.
I wish you'd just take your meds and get some therapy. You have to realise you aren't a failure- every fucking shread of evidence points otherwise. The only person putting pressure on you is you, and if you're making yourself sick, its your own fault.
And stop trying to feed me bullshit. People love you; they want you around. We did invite you to get stoned that night, all 3 of us told you. We want you to come out Friday. But whether you do or you don't, I'm wishing you'd stop saying you'll do one thing, then just totally flake out on us. We. Want. You. There. Please believe us. Because you're making us not want you arond.
Wake me up before I change again
Remind me the story that I won't get insane
Tell me why it's always the same
Explain me the reason why I'm so much in pain.
Am so fucking tired of everything.Can't do anything right.
You can buy me with a coffee,I'm so cheap. Got bitten fingernails&a head full of past;Got a broken heart&your name on my cast.
&&I wanted her to tell me that she will never wake me.
You don't understand how much I'm hurting.
You believe my fake smiles, even when I try and tell you the truth.
I want you to love me.
But you don't have time for me.
You say you care about me, but I don't believe you.
Don't lie to me.
Realise how bad things have gotten.
I need you to help me. Please.
Heading up to four years free. I NEVER thought I'd be in this position - recovery IS possible and it is even better than you can imagine :)
In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free. Psalm 118:5
You have no idea how you make me feel better.
You make me feel as if I'm worth something.
I know it's all going to be alright when you hug me.
But, Bella, I feel like dying when I hear what you are saying behind my back.
I don't want to stop being friends, if we do it will hurt more.
But please, don't say things that I don't want you to say.
You promised not to tell anyone about this, and you told Jeni.
I don't want people to know I'm doing this Bella, that I'm struggling.
I told you because I could trust you.
Now I'm nt sure anymore.
'Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay.
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away.'
I'm trying my BEST to be positve...
But it's so freaking hard...
Please, help.
I know, I know...You odn't want to believe that I'm hurting.
But I am...
Please...I'm dying inside.
"Hate can't drive out hate. Only love can do that."
-Martin Luther King Jr.-
You came into my life when I was just 4 years old. My daddy had moved 1,000 + miles away, and you moved in with us. You would be my new daddy. I would grow to look up to you. You were always there. Always tucked me in, read bed time stories, held me when I cried, played games with me, fed me, made sure I was safe, etc. You did everything. For the longest time, I was mad at my dad for leaving me, but I got over it because you were in my life.
From the age of 4-17, you were a strong figure in my life. When mom got sick, you PROMISED her and us that you would be around for my brother and I when she passed. And for the first couple of years, you were. And I appreciate that. I continued living with you for my first 2 years of community college (though, I admit, the second year was kinda half lived at my boyfriend's house). But when I left for a University...
you stopped calling. you stopped trying. you stopped caring. you disappeared from my life. I don't talk to you anymore. You're too busy with your girlfriend. All of my stuff is out of that house. I haven't talked to you in months, except for a minute when you bought a couple of 12 packs at my work.
I hate you for leaving. Which you did. In the worst way. I feel like I lost another parent. I HATE YOU FOR THAT.
I graduate in May, and I have a feeling you won't show up.
My brother gets married in June, and you're supposed to be in the wedding, but guess what? He already has a back up, just in case. That's how much we don't trust you.
I know I shouldn't feel anything towards you anymore. I've been with my wonderful boyfriend for over 2 years, and I'm madly in love with him. I plan on marrying him someday. I definitely wanna have his kids! But, when I see you, I still get nervous. I hate not talking to you. I NEED to talk to you. You NEED to be a constant in my life, and that really confuses me. I don't like you, not really...not in that way at least. I couldn't. But... we have a lot of history between us (technically, less than a year of junk, but it felt like a lot longer)... and sometimes, all that resurfaces. You are the only one who ever hurt me romantically. You were the only one I turned to when I was hurt. You seemed to love pulling me in and then pushing me away, and you still do that...just not in the same way. I'm tired of it. I so want to delete you from my life, but it's impossible at this point. I couldn't. I wouldn't.
I think I may be falling for you, and it scares the hell out of me. I know you'll never feel the same, you don't seem to be the type of person to like the same sex. I can't shake it, something's there.
The grass is always greener,
Someone else's past is always cleaner,
But I'm a believer, but there's a fool in all of us Tumblr
Aim: Nudous
(feel free to add me and message me anytime!)
I was looking back at those photos... and something happened. I realized I'm wasting my thoughts on some asshole who doesn't deserve anything from me at all. He was a fucking jerk - and better me dumping him sooner than later. What kind of loser does those kind of things to someone? Well, now is the end of it. I don't fucking care what happens to him anymore.
I'm going to go out and have fun. Go out with some nice guys for a change. Keep losing weight until I know I look the best I possibly can. Really I don't care if he kicks himself over being so stupid - because the fact is, I'm not kicking myself over him being gone.
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
