...but at the same time I don't want it at all. I haven't eaten anything all day and I don't want to start now. But I can't get out of it, so I know it will all go down the drain.
F*ck this...
____________________________________
Omg.... ate the whole damn plate AND a spring roll AND rice.... ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Last edited by summer87 : 17-12-2010 at 02:16 AM.
Reason: updated
freedom is like religion to us
justice is juxtaposition in us...
we sing,
our music is the cuts
that we bleed through...
-common-
I weighed myself today and god I hate what I have become. Yet all it makes me wanna do is destroy myself even further with food then get rid of it all. I really do hate me.
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
i seem to be constantly hungry. i suppose it makes sense for it to be a comfort thing. i feel sad, and i get hungry to deal with it? i dunno. worded like that it makes no freaking sense at all. blaahhh.
I'm scared for later.
My mum bought all this food and is expecting me to eat it.
I'm going to try and restrict my intake but I know I'll end up binging on it all..
I ate meat today,which is awful and unsafe,but I purged it after.The vomit looked really gross and I don't think I;ll ever eat meat again.
Last edited by Mademoiselle Lola. : 24-12-2010 at 04:18 PM.
You can buy me with a coffee,I'm so cheap. Got bitten fingernails&a head full of past;Got a broken heart&your name on my cast.
&&I wanted her to tell me that she will never wake me.
They say it's a way to control things in my life, so how did I manage to lose control of my control? I'm sick and tired of this yo-yo dieting. I'm tired of getting up at 2am and eating everything in sight until I'm sick.
I'm worried about my eating. I'm starting to absolutely freak out every time I eat out. Last time I had a dinner date, I cancelled because I freaked out so much, then didn't eat for the rest of the day. Over ****ing nothing. So somebody you knew was at the gym just pissing about and made you feel unwelcome. I'm paying membership, and thus to an extent, their wages. I should have the right to be there without feeling uncomfortable. I need to do something about myself.
Wake me up before I change again
Remind me the story that I won't get insane
Tell me why it's always the same
Explain me the reason why I'm so much in pain.
People think I'm better, but I've just gotten better at lying. I still binge - though not as much & it's about 1/4 of what I ONCE ate, it's still binging. I don't purge anymore though...
"How can I be a gynecologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!"
♥
This past week has been hell food-wise. With my crumblingness I've just eat so much like I needed to fill myself to the brim just to keep me alive. Which makes no sense but blah.. Now I need to sort myself out and do what I said I would. I cannot let myself ruin my body any more. :(
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
I need tO get my control bk starting tommorw.. No more of this two day binges :( fat cow I'm a fat fat fat bitch.. No more... Today was my last day of binges.. Never again.
All I do is eat. God why can't I be thin. Or have self control. I just want to starve. But no, instead all I do is eat. I'm pathetic. Just should go stuff my mouth some more and hope it kills me.
"If you don't stand for something in your life, then you will fall for anything"
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
As soon as I admit I need help, all I can do is binge.
I want people to think I'm better, so I eat. But bingeing can't be better. What bothers me about my recent bingeing, is that I can't purge it. I promised I wouldn't.. so I won't. Going to bed full is the most uncomfortable feeling.
And even more bothersome than my bingeing, I ruined my veganism of 3 years for it. Even though I know it's out of my control, I can't get passed the fact that I had dairy, that makes me more ashamed than the actual bingeing :/
I don't know how to say what I feel inside when I think of food. How I see myself. I can't even put those feelings into thoughts for myself, let alone try and explain it to other people.
