I seriously can not take anymore. My life was perfect 2 months ago.. Yes I had major depression, yes I had to physically stop myself everytime I did the dishes and was cleaning a knife,and yes, every second of my life was utter pain.. But it was my pain, and i caused it and I and I alone suffered for it...
Now I am hurting everyone, and that hurts so much more.. my friend I have hurt her but she wont tell me how. My bestfriend says he hates me because I have hurt him so much. Im drowning and I cant pull myself up anymore... I know I wont kill myself, because no matter how much I hurt I could never do that to the people who love me. I just.. please, can someone tell me how to stop wanting it so much, just for tonight, tomorrow will be back to normal, but tonight, tonight I can not take anymore.. Please. anybody.
Is there anyone else you can talk to and confide in.. Someone who you could just sit and have cuddles with not necessary talk.
I'm sorry your life has took a bad turn, but you do not need to kill yourself. its normal to want to, but you can get through this hunnii, please stay strong..
Things were happy once, they can be happy again..
Friends get hurt when they see you hurting its natural... they never give up, they take time to adjust and figure out what it right for you, but they will come back to help you and within time they will forgive..You probably didnt hurt them directly it could be that seeing you hurting is hurting them as they dont do what to do for you...
Big cuddles...
Lots of love.. xx
Walt Disney
"Even miracles take a little time."
- The Fairy Godmother
"What do you do when things go wrong? Oh! You sing a song!"
- Snow White
"Always let your conscience be your guide." -Pinocchio
I'm sorry to hear how much you're struggling right now. Dealing with depression and suicidal feelings and thoughts can be a very difficult thing to go through, especially if you're going through it by yourself.
I'm glad you know you won't kill yourself, and that you don't want to hurt the people who love you. That's a very good thing to realize, that shows you can still think rationally about your situation. I know how terrible it can feel for everybody to be mad at you. Maybe it would be an idea to try to talk to your friends again.
One thing I've found helpful is to write letters or emails telling them how they're making you feel (without guilt tripping), sometimes people don't realize how much what they say can hurt us. Tell them that you'd like to work things out with them but cannot possibly do that if you don't know what you did wrong.
Do you have any professional help? If not, I think you should look into getting some, it sounds as though you could really use some.
As for tonight, can you try to make sure you're distracted and to do something nice for yourself. Whether it be watching your favorite film, doing your nails, taking a bubble bath- just something to try and relax.
thank you guys. I took your adivce I sent an email. she was upset at me because she thought I couldnt trust her, I do trust her, i wrote somethings, I told her about my depression, my eating disorder and the abuse explaining why I get scared when people touch me.. I know i did the right thing in telling her, she told me all about herself, and I think our friendship is getting back now.. as for my bestfriend, hmm well I hurt him, both him and my other friends told me they loved me at about the same time, I was confused because I had never felt it before, so I kissed him and when I realised I was totally inlove with our otherfriend, while I told him I would always be his bestfriend, i think I went about it wrongly and he tried to kill himself...
I would love to tell him how it feels but I just cant. I wish I could, and if he reads this im dead but, I am trying really hard to 'hide' our relationship because he asked me to but, knowing your bestfriend hates you, our knwoing that its when he thinks of you he wants to kill himself... is kind of hard at the moment.
But my girlfriend stayed up talking to me last night and I am feeling a bit better, everything still hurts and is dark but, its better then last night. thank you all so much
I'm glad that you and your one friend are working things out.
As for your other friend, you haven't done anything wrong. You didn't mean to hurt him and can't help how you feel, hopefully after some time, things between you two will improve. I know it can be hard, but remember, you aren't responsible for him trying to kill himself. Everybody has choices, and unfortunately, he chose to do that. You can not be held responsible for his actions.
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better now, please keep posting if you need anything else.
thanks shauna. I know, logically that it isnt my fault and that I cant make anyone kill themselves as we choose our own actions, but knowing that doesnt seem to make it easier, I want to help him, and be there for him, but I just dont know how.
Could you send him a message explaining this? And just saying how you're there for him? Shauna's right though, you can't make anyone kill themselves - that's his choice if he does.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
I dont know, half the time it feels like we are back to how it was before, then he just turns suddenly, into something else. its hard to know when or if I can trust him, when I can say things.
Today. um things where back to normal. I am trying harder to be happy for my friends, they get worried and I feel bad about that. and they do, generally make me happy, is it odd that I cant ever seem to be happy... its like, as much fun as I am happy, it feelss like anysecond it could turn and I will burst into tears, my body hurts, but I am 'happy'.
