I am really loosing it at the moment. I have not had the best of days today, I am feeling out of control, and I just want to be sick, I know I shouldnt, but i just want it so bad right now, more then anything. But I can not, my mum is home and she already suspects something...
I know I will have to wait atleast an hour before I move from this couch but I honestly dont think I can, but I know I must, I can not be found out... I can bearly hear the tv, I feel nauseas, I can feel myself shaking from within, I just need something to keep me going for another 56 more minutes...
hey love.
please try to distract yourself. maybe read a book or do something creative? do you like crafts or jigsaws? just something to distract your mind? maybe a crossword or something.
you can do this love. im sat with you holding your hand.
"Where you tend a rose, my lad, A thistle cannot grow."
Francis Hodgson Burnett
I was just playing solitaire. I threw up, I wish I could say that I was strong and just didnt but I cant lie.
And to the one who cared. I cant really explain, It sounds stupid. I dont usually be sick just to make myself better, its usually because I just have to, again its hard to explain without making a reeally long post. But yesturday, i am not sure, everything just was out of control, i hate to say it but it does make me feel a little more in control, to put it in the most simple way I can, it's like, I have all these things I can not ever control, but what I eat it the one thing I do. and for those few seconds afterward, when i'm sitting on the floor, all I can concentrate on is trying to breathe, and it seems like nothing else is happening.. if that makes any sense at all.
