Bronwyn, I had to say I self harm. I may be wrong but I think you do too. Mum did? I am not surprised. I don't want to tell you how hard it is, and how much I love it. I don't want to tell you about the pain. It wasn't your fault, you didn't trigger me. Aunty Jean got me a tool set for Christmas and I got a pencil sharpener in my cracker. Ra Ra, there's so much I want to tell you right now. I have never felt the urge as strong as this. I want you to help me.
'Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay.
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away.'
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
Ra Ra I may not be able to get through the week, and with you in France again I know I will relapse. Ra Ra you know I can't survive a week without you, that's how I started. If I relapse I bet I'll cut too deep. I have never gone too deep before, but I know it will happen, so email me. I feel so alone. Yes, I only saw you on Friday.
'Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay.
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away.'
You are so beautiful and lovely. I am feeling bad. I need help! Can you help me? I need hugs. I want to talk with you. I have so many things to tell you. I am feeling so bad. I cutted today. I need you!
I'm sorry I am the way I am. I'll just hide forever. That's cool. Ya, if you want to find me, I'll be in the closet with my saddness. You won't ever find out. I'm sorry
"Hate can't drive out hate. Only love can do that."
-Martin Luther King Jr.-
I have no idea why you are still with me... I'm fat, disgusting, ugly.... I hate myself... I cut... I am always depressed... I don't deserve to be loved.... Why won't you just let me die? Why do i even matter to you?
don't touch me...If you do I might shatter into a thousand pieces.
I don't tell people when I stop. I know I'll just start again. Because the truth is...I AM TERRIFIED OF GETTING BETTER. I like the control I have now. I like Violet being there sometimes, it keeps me from getting lonely. It's safe here in my own little world. My own little box. I don't think it is possible for me to get better. Or even to stay alive much longer.
Another day - Another play - Mold the clay
Straighten it out -Make it lay - Breathe upon the living creature Lungs burn - Heart pumps - Fingers twitch - Becomes alive -
I was counting on you to be my friend. Why did you even bother making all those promises and getting my hopes up. Now it's pretty obvious you have no interest in seeing me or making plans with me. I'm hurt, but I'm also annoyed that I wasted my time trying to build a friendship that you never cared about.
Bella, Fiona, Maddy, Misha, ZARINA. Please be okay, Bella I don't want you committing suicide again, you need to take care of Maddy and me. Fiona I know there's something wrong. I saw what you did to yourself. Maddy please fight I know you can do it, I saw your scars and I'm sorry. I don't want to become like that. Misha, if Catherine is right then I know how you feel. Ra ra, Zarina Hewett, I need to tell you this. I don't want to trigger you after being two years free so I can't. I'm disgusting, I'm only 13 and I don't believe in myself well enough to fight the urge. I am a useless fucked up bitch. You are the oppsite, you are my lifeline and I need you. I need you to breathe because I know you understand. Sorry, but I kinda relapsed. You could say worse than ever before. I've never cut on my legs before but it just feels so good, but I'm scared of what I can do to myself. I'll do ballet again in a week, and my legs will be covered in cuts. Sam will find out, I know she will. Mrs Harper will tell Mum. I don't ever want Mum to know. So please just help me breathe, I need to last for just one more week...
'Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay.
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away.'
maybe one day we can be civil again. but until then hey ive got alot of gd friends around me and a gd professional support network..... i will allways care about u n ur welfare and i hope u become the nurse u wanna be cus u deserve it
Ra Ra please reply. I cut really bad. Again. I don't know how much more i can go. I have to wait till Friday to see you. When I am cutting badly that is soo hard for me. Just let me know you're there. Please.
'Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay.
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away.'
Ra ra, I can't exactly tell you this.
I am stupid. A fucked up bitch.
I have never cut this bad before and I'm more scared of myself than ever.
How did you stop?
I need you to help me.
I don't know how long it'll be before I cut too deep.
I'm scared because I have to do Ballet next week and it's obvious caus it's on my legs.
Mrs Harper is bound to tell mum. All teachers do.
As for Sam...
I just need to know that you're there, please.
Please be there for me, and whatever happens, I love you.
You are my only reason to live because I wouldn't want to die.
Not when you are still alive.
That would cause you pain, the least thing I could want.
And I do want to die.
It's all so complicated, I'm getting so good at faking happiness now.
I want people to see how I'm feeling and understand like you.
I think I need help, I can't do this on my own.
Please Zarina.
'Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay.
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away.'
