"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
Zarina. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to live anymore. Then there's you. My current lifeline, my inspiration and my best friend. I'm sorry I can't give you the same back, I am a stupid worthless whore. Mum said she hated me today, she hardly ever says that. I had a fight with her yesterday too. Please help me, you know what it feels like to be a cutter. You know what I've been feeling, you worry. I don't know how you stopped, it seems as if I am at the end of the road. You show me that I can do it if I try, but you've seen me. You've seen how I give up and lose. Always. You win. You've always won. I started swearing in the Summer, yeah, big deal. I needed it, I know it sounds crazy but you know what else I started in the Summer. You are amazing, just amazing. Without you I would not be here because, you don't know it, but you've saved my life so many times without knowing it. You will never know it,I can't tell you things anymore after the email you sent me. I hurt you, and that is why I am as stupid as I am.
'Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay.
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away.'
I don't know how much longer I can take this. I just want it to be over.. Do you honestly think I can do this? Do you honestly think I'm going to make it until Thursday? I'm not sure anymore. Promise you'll help me, always?
It's my fucking birthday on Wednesday.
I'm trying to stop for that date.
If I get through the night I will be 13 days.
Tuesday it will be a week.
I should be pleased, but I don't think I can hold on much longer.
I want so much the breathe, to bleed.
Zarina please email me, you've all left from my party but now I'm not happy.
My ears hurt.
It's come on again, the urges get bigger by the day.
I can't get help, my parents can't know.
I wish I were older so I could be able to get help on my own.
But I'm not, I'm 12.
I'm going to slip up soon, I just know it.
Sooner or later, I will feel better again.
But I still have to get there for Wednesday.
'Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay.
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away.'
You never saw what happened. You never saw the look in my eyes when my heart broke, the numbness that haunted me after, or the hurt in my eyes behind ever smile. I don’t know what to do anymore, and I don’t believe anyone can help me, or would ever bother to try. I could probably lie to myself—but what would really be the point of that? In the end it still hits me. I’m tired, I fail at everything, and I’m totally alone.
I have no idea what to say to you today. You'll ask me how my week has been and I'll tell you it's been "not bad". And then there will be silence. I might be honest and tell you that I'm having flashbacks all the fucking time and that I cut my arm for the first time in donkeys. But then what? Time to come back home again. And then the same scenario will probably play out on Wednesday with the counsellor. I'm sorry. I just feel...overwhelmed. I'm struggling to see the point.
I have been nothing but helpful, supportive and loving... and you turn around and tell me that you and your ex still hook up sometimes!!!???? What the f*ck!! did you really have to ask if I am okay with that?? If I hold you, or kiss you, I realize that she probably did the same earlier this week.... why? why are you doing this to me??
don't touch me...If you do I might shatter into a thousand pieces.
I am very opinionated. I don't care if you're my mate, and i don't care how many problems you have. I will be blunt. (E)(A)
R.I.P Pingu Only Anarchists are Pretty I miss and love you so much
I wish I felt better than this - but you don't get what you want by wishing. And I don't know how I'm, EVER GOING TO FEEL FUCKING BETTER THAN THIS DISGUSTING GIANT WASTE OF SPACE.
