Triggering (SI) - Therapy is confusing me

Cowlip · 03-07-2010, 10:11 PM

Hey all...

I was at therapy today and my shrink made a deal with me that I won't SI for 4 weeks. The weird things is, I can go months without self harming but now that there's this 'deal' in place... I feel the need to harm PRETTY badly.

Why is that. Why is that. I feel so conflicted.

random.swirls · 03-07-2010, 10:43 PM

I wonder if it's to do with control?

Normally you make the choice to not self harm but now that you have made the deal you are no longer in control of whether you self harm?

What do you think about the deal?

xox

PassedExpectations · 03-07-2010, 10:43 PM

i think its kinda like when you're little, and someone tells you not to do something (like bounce on the bed) and then it gives you the idea that you could do it, or that it would be "normal" or "expected" for you to do that. like why would someone tell you not to do something if they didn't think that you would do it anyways. hope that sorta makes sense, i can't quite explain right. also i know for me deals and promises about SI have a tendency to fall apart pretty quickly...

Cowlip · 03-07-2010, 10:53 PM

Wow, I think you both make sense.

In terms of the control thing... that might be pretty much spot on. Since my therapist told me early on that I need to be in control of everything and now I'm not. Which links in perfectly with her expecting me not to make it the 4 weeks... Like, now... if I do make it the 4 weeks, what does that mean? And same thing for if I don't... what does that mean?

I'm not in control right now. And I also feel like she's expecting me to fail.

It's all very upsetting, and I'm rahter obsessing over SI at the moment... which is never a good thing.

And I just know how upset I'll be if I fail her 'challenge'???

Like WTF???

88shelz · 04-07-2010, 12:51 AM

thats my theory;
if you are told not to touch wet paint you just have to touch it to see if its wet!

this method may work for others but it doesnt seem to be the right one for you. can you talk to your doctor and have that agreement abolished to avoid unnecessary harm and worrying for yourself ?

Stellata · 04-07-2010, 10:47 AM

Hmm.
Did she explain the rationale behind this challenge, and how it relates to you?

No one can be in control 100% of the time. I would hope that a therapist understands this. Neither can the therapist be 100% in control of the client! I hope your therapist understands this!

clear_skies · 04-07-2010, 11:58 AM

That's weird. I've read that it's really bad to make contracts or 'deals' with people forbidding SI. Anyway, I agree with all the statements above. I hope therapy gets easier for you :)