Triggering (SI/OD) - struggeling to hold on

[SecretsLiesInTheseEyes]

ok so ive lost a lot of things i love these past few weeks and its bringing back thoughts i had left in the past i've basically given up on myself now i keep thinking "why not fix the mistake of my life and just end it now it would be for the best" thats running through my head 24/7 now nothing is going right.

I know i shouldnt be thinking like this and i know i'm weak and useless and unloved its just sooo hard for me right now i cant see a point in my life a reason a meaning and its driving me mad i have nothing to focus on nothing to hold on to and that is a bad feeling for my to handle.

I cant take much more of this i cant no matter how hard i try i lose more and more i cant keep hold of one thing i love so whats the point in me living when i'm losing everything i have ever loved ever held on to i just really give up now i truly do.

ive had a few suicide attempts in the past few weeks ODs mainly a load of pills what ever i can find in the house and my cutting has went through the roof basically its went from once a day to 4 or 5 times a day and its getting deeper each time i do it i just have no idea what the point in my life is any more all i do is hurt people and lose things i love :( maybe me and everyone else would be better off dead maybe that would be for the best......... :(

[bleedingdragon]

Hi Forever_ Alone,
Its devastating for any of us whenever we lose something or someone we love, im still trying to recover from losing a marriage and a wife that became abusive and violent towards me, i was never violent or abusive towards her. I had to divorce her and now only a tiny part of me still loves her the rest of me hates her . I can understand how it brings back frightening thoughts for you .

It sounds so hard for you right now feeling like you want to give up on yourself by ending your life, and you thinking its for the best . Having that thought running through your head 24/7 must be soul destroying. I truly hope that you dont end your life and manage to get through this difficult time with some professional support as well as being supported here in RYL.

Of course you are thinking like this right now its a normal reaction you are trying to deal with unbearable emotional and mental pain. Please dont think of yourself as weak and useless far from it it takes great strength and courage to be dealing with what your dealing with.

I understand what its like to be feeling what you feel and to have no hope or to see any point in living, ive tried to end my life more than a few times now and even though you may not be able to see a point in your life right now, in time and with support you can. There will be some times in our lives when weve lost everything that we love, like i did and somehow we have to heal ourselves and try and build a new life for ourselves. Only you can decide how and what you can do to get your life back, and i hope with all my heart that you can get to this point in your life. Keep posting and talking here and please seek professional help for yourself go to your Dr.

I know right now you cant take much more and seem to keep losing everything you love and you wonder what the point is. Its a reality that non of us want to aknowleadge or accept that at sometime in our lives we are going to lose something or someone we love . Please do reach out to your Dr and tell them how you feel so that they can offer you the help you deserve to get your life back together.

Im sorry that youve been driven to attemp suicide a few times in such a short space of time and your cutting got worse. Please do try and get your self harm treated if you can and tell your Dr of your suicide attempts the more you are able to tell them the more they can help you. RYL is a good place to receive help and support emotionally.

Counselling could help you to descover what you need to in order to find a better life , im sure everyone else wouldnt be better off with you dead far from it your life is really important, you are important and you deserve to find happiness and a future for yourself.

stay strong keep posting and please try and go to your Dr.

you can pm me if ever you need to

Dave

[SecretsLiesInTheseEyes]

hugs that's rough

i'm under treatment for the self harm my shrink and my gp are consdiering secioning me because i have ended up so out of control but they are hesident to do it since i couldnt handle it the first time around..

the meds i'm well my mood stabilizers i'm on now have stopped working and my ADs aren't working as well as they should be i'm losing hope losing my grip its ripping my family apart and its breaking my heart......


i cant keep hurting my family like this its not fait on them........

[bleedingdragon]

Hey,
Thanks for the Hugs,

Hugs back, Im glad that your under treatment for your self harm and that your seing a psych and your dr . Im sorry to hear that they have considered sectioning you because you were out of control . They would only ever do that if they feared for your own safety or the safety of others around you.

Ive never been sectioned but understand the reasons behind it . You are a part of this and your views and oppinions about what happens to you should be respected . the law grants you certain rights whenever sectioning is a possability. I can understand how frightening that must have been and still is to you with the possability of being sectioned. Its good that just now they are hesitant to section you if they feel you may not be able to handle it the first time round. Keep talking to them and between you you should come to some agreement as to what is best.

I hear you about your mood stabalisers have stopped working for you that must be scary especially if you ADs have no effect. Its really important that you are honest with your psych and dr and tell them your mood stabalisers and ADs have stopped working so they can try a new mood stabaliser and AD. To stop taking your meds would make things worse. I had to try around 5 different ADs before i got one that works im still depressed but no where near as i was without ADs. I also take anti anxiety tablets too.

I hear you man of of losing your hope and fear of losing your grip god i know only to well what thats like been thru it myself. Please hang on and please tell your Dr n psych that right now your losing hope and your grip.
You need help from other people and if you dont tell them how bad your feeling right now they wont be able to help you get better.

Hey man i know how hard it is for families like mine to cope, with me having all the issues i have trauma ,depression, anxiety, symptoms of borderline personality disorder, self harm cutting, and suicide attempts and sympt of PTSD . Often some families and some friends cant or dont understand our issues.

Im sure right now its breaking your heart..... youve got to hold on and believe that you can and will get better it may take a long time but you can do it.

I really know how you feel i often feel like that with my family although i know my parents love me they cant or dont understand what im going through and im lucky my brother has supported and acepted me no matter what .

Whatever you do in your life your family have to live with whatever you are doing in your life wether thats you going through a bad time or a good time they may not agree with our life styles or choice of partners but we have to do what we feel is right whatever our parents might think.

Of course you dont want to hurt your family , but dont forget yourself your life and your choices matter just as much as anyone elses.

keep posting and talking dont give up keep fighting .

Dave

[bleedingdragon]

Forever_alone 22,
How are you getting on, how are you feeling, let us know

[SecretsLiesInTheseEyes]

Still not great getting there though :)

[bleedingdragon]

Hey there,
Im glad you got back to us ,

I hear you about not feeling great , youve gotta try n hang in there the best you can. Its good to hear that your getting there slowly.

Keep posting when you need to n thanks for the update


Dave