Triggering (SI) - i just want to feel something, help?
Right now i feel so lonely, so numb, so empty. My feelings basicly comprise of nothingness.
i can't even think properly. My brain has been removed + grey fluff has been put in it's place. Mostly it's like my head has been filled up w/ thick jet black smoke that screams quietly to me.
i can't take this anymore. i just want to feel something, anything. i'm not even hungry atm. i'm sleepy but that just adds to the unfeelingness.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering: selfinjury.
i want to feel pain, not because i enjoy it but because, as long as it's done often + badly enough, it's a guarantee of feeling. At least for a little while. It both allows feeling + numbs, almost paradoxally.
i'm sorry, i shouldn't be saying this. My words don't even make sense, as i said i can't even think. + idk what i want / need help for, i just know that i do. It would be nice to feel less alone...
It sounds like your really struggling. I'm sorry for the way your feeling. Do you have any support? I understand what its like when you can think properly. I also hear you when you say about feeling numb and empty. Is there anyone that you could talk to? Are you able to tell us some more about what it is thats making you feel this way? Whats happening for you? Please dont give up. Harming yourself will not make you feel better, it will just make things alot worse. Have you tried distractions? There are lots of people who care about you. Keep talking to us. Stay safe.
Hon, where ever you're at, you can trust that you're not alone. I understand completely what you're saying, I've been there myself a few too many times. You don't have to harm yourself to feel something though. There are several things you can do that give the same sensation. You can take an ice cube and rub it on the parts of your body that you want to harm, you can rub your skin (gently, without taking any off) with a wash cloth that was soaked with either really hot or really cold water, or you can do the same thing with a pencil eraser. Sorry, I am awful at giving advice. Hope I've helped at least a little bit, you can PM me if you need to talk. (:
I know you know that we could do more but we just don't...
i keep thinking maybe i should txt some1, let some1 know how i feel. But that's not fair. Why should any1 have to hear about the stupidity + selfishness of what goes on in my head. i'm scared. i'm scared of myself. Scared that i'm going to lose control of myself, put my life at risk. i don't really want to die but suicide is still so tempting. i don't feel safe. Wow that's another thing for me to not feel.
Honey, maybe you should text someone if you feel like this, it's not a good feeling at all, and if they really care about you, it won't bother them at all. Chances are whoever you talk to will be happy that you trust them enough to come to them with this. If you're not comfortable with that, maybe you should call the Samaritans or something like that.
I know you know that we could do more but we just don't...
it is not selfesness if that is how you realy feel. pm me at any time if you need to talk I willl not think of it as being selfesh I would think of it as a scream from inside that need to be brought out and to be heard. I will lisen to that scream. hope this helped sorry if it sounded numb
Thankyou for your words.
i am feeling better today although i've had several moments when i've felt like that again over the past couple of days. i did cut that night, i couldn't stop myself, and once i started i felt like i couldn't stop. It scared me.
i'm feeling like i would do anything to shut up the screaming. Being around friends and laughter and love helps most but people can't be with me all the time. Most of the time when i'm just sitting with my family or whatever i still feel alone. i need constant conversation and companionship. But when i can't get that i need something else. Cutting works for a bit. But i need more. Smoking helps too, it distracts and numbs maybe, i don't know. But i need more, starving, drinking, taking a hgher dose of my antidepressants?, drugs??, sex??. The last ones unlikely to happen, so's the one before for that matter.
Where will end. i don't know what to do, i just want the "screaming" to stop.
i'm so scared.
