The only thing that stopped me from cutting last night was having to wait even longer for my tattoo.
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
I screwed it up and ruined my future. I failed myself and everyone else. This was all I have ever wanted, dreamed of, hoped for, NEEDED... and no matter how many people try to comfort me, I will always know for the rest of my life that in those brief two and a half hours,
today you finally saw just how close I was... how could you see this and others not? I'm scared. I dont know how to fight this anymore and I'm just so scared:(
sometimes being strong means not holding back the tears but letting them fall
~˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙~
my fur baby girls are my life <3
r.i.p my beautiful girl jackie. i will love you always no matter what - 6/5/10
I'm Not Strong Enough To Cry; Save Me From Myself.
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Canberra, ACT, Australia.
I am currently:
I've been lying to everyone. Making them believe i'm fine, so I don't have to answer their questions. My fiance is beginning to worry. He knows that i'm not ok again. I just want this to all be over. I've been trying to stop the cravings i've had for the drugs. It's been a whole 2 months since Saturday. I've never felt this bad before. I've tried to end it, and failed. I've recovered. My fiance is planning the future, I fall back down again. I try and act fine, I want everyone to think i'm fine. I need them to.
But I'm not. I actually think I have the courage to end it this time. My life just gets more fucked up day, after day. My fiance knows of the first time I was raped, he doesn't know of the second. (2 weeks ago) I try and hide it. I try and act like nothing is bothering me.
But it's all falling through. I don't know what to do anymore.
Sorry if this is the wrong place.
- I Need You To Know. I'm Not Through The Night; Some Days I'm Still Fighting. To Walk Towards The Light -
*Broken Down; Like A Mirror Smashed To Pieces*
I'm Tired Of Hiding Behind. These Lying Eyes. I'm Tired. Of This Smile. That Even I Don't; Recognize.
Sometimes I want to have my innocence back, even knowing is too late for that
I write this alone on my bed; I've poisoned every room in the house; The place is quiet and so alone; Pretend there's something worth waiting for; There's nothing nice in my head The adult world took it all away; Wake up with same spit in my mouth; Cannot tell if it is real or not; I try and walk in a straight line An imitation of dignity- MSP - From despair to Where
I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does - The Smiths How Soon is Now
i really, really want to tell someone about the voices, but they will think im crazy. im scared. i want to overdose and cut myself up, and ive been doing so well...but i cant keep this up much longer. this good girl act just isnt me.my heads telling me to smoke, drink, fight and just give the fuck up.
I cut because i dont to give others a chance to hurt me. I dont eat because i am fat. I cut to punish myself for eating and i starbe myself to punish myself for cutting
the reason i dont want to cum on holiday with u this year mum is because i dont want a panic attack on the plane n u telling me not to worry that i have to have a belt extender however u laughing on the inside. n telling me wat ur gonna eat n drink for the 2 weeks.... plus i would rather be with my friends who actually love me p.s u make me wanna die sorry i dont want to turn into u.
