I self harm.. it makes me sick. it first happend in pure frustration and anger. now its almost like a 'habbit' that makes me feel better for a minute.............
I'm never going to get better
and I'm sorry
I have no idea why you put up with me
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
Everything is hurting.
And I don't know how to make it better.
I made you a promise.
And I really can't bear to break it.
But it's getting harder and harder to keep it.
I'm really sorry.
Please don't hate me.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
I didn't catch my mistake untill after I said it, I'm sorry. It's more a matter of perspective. Technically, we are straight ones.
Allegedly, yes, that's what I was trying to do. I have no recollection of it, but I'm told I was determined to do whatever it took to finish it. It was pretty brutal. I owe him big time.
I don't quite understand whether or not you want to hear from me. If you could, maybe you could let me know?
Haha ha ha. I cut today. You were in the room at the time. Sitting right next to me, in fact! And you didn't notice! Hilarious!
Are you really that self-absorbed? That blind? You didn't notice me cutting myself, even though you were there, next to me, and you could have seen. You could have figured it out.
I want you to figure it out. I don't want to have to tell you I'm not okay, that I'm hurting and I hate myself. I want you to see that for yourself, and to help me.
But I know I don't deserve it. After all, I went off at you last night, just because I was in a foul mood, and you put up with it. You didn't hate me or ditch me. You stuck by me, and we worked it out. Kind of.
Maybe I underestimated you? Maybe you really do just want to be my friend?
Why do I find that so hard to believe?
= /
oh non-believer, please believe me.
is there honestly nothing in this world
that keeps you living & breathing?
you're a ghost in your own
goddamn city.
I can't do this. I feel like just giving up every single second. I cannot bear how everything just hurts. I cut to take that pain away but it never works, yet I still do it.
I am so confused. I am isolating myself from my friends and family and the rest of the world just because I cannot hold a decent conversation or maintain eye contact. Of course everything is my fault because that is the way it always is. Stupid little me shouldn't expect anything else.
She is upsetting me so much at the moment. "We are as bad as each other." My fault again? Darling I wouldn't have it any other way. You do not realise how much I wish I didn't inhabit the shell of the being I do now. Ughh. I look at myself and feel pure venom rise up in my throat. I sicken me.
How do I tell you that I just want help?
I need someone to show me that they care.
I need someone to remain by my side through thick and thin.
Will anybody ever love me?
Im sick of being tired all the time, and being in pain.
Im sick of them not knowing whats wrong with me, and continually giving me different drugs and telling me "We'll just have to wait and see."
Why cant you all just figure it out? I can handle it if my kidneys are diseased, or I have liver problems, but I just want to know!!
On the plus side, Im not able to purge, and my bodies remembering that calories dont immedietly need to be stored as fat, and I feel ok about eating =) because now my weight is stable when I eat
Sarah: Give me the child.
Jareth: Sarah beware. I have been generous up till now. I can be cruel.
Sarah: Generous? What have you done that's generous?
Jareth: Everything! Everything you have wanted I have done. You asked the child be taken, I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me. Isn't that generous?
Why wont you guys help me, i have asked so many times, arent best friends allways there for each other then why arent you there for me when i really need it the most
I miss being that thin, screw recovery, I will get there I WILL, if it's the last thing I do, thanks for the push
~I miss you, the old you, the you that wasn't a guy, and I HATE myself for it, and I wonder, can I bleed enough to forget you? am I willing to try that again?
~is it wrong that I know I won't make it to college? I talk about the plans I have, marriage, a house of my own, living with people I care about that are my extended family, but I know that, realistically I'll die before then
is it wrong that the only way to fully forget her, is to attempt....suicide again? because it worked the last time, but the last time...i almost died
fail safe, I don't want to die
I just want her gone, and out of my memory, I want to remember the old her, not this "guy" she is now, it hurts too much
~this scares me, please for the love of goddess don't leave me alone, don't leave me. period. please
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
now that we're talked again, even though its just been a few words, i realize just how much i miss you. and talking to you. and who you are.
because you're an asshole. but i dont think thats who you really are. I think we got close and it scared the shit out of you so you backed out. I think you really are better than everyone says, just like I always told you.
I hope someday you see it.
I will get there. Someday
When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
I gave everything to you.
And you betrayed me. Just like everyone else.
I'm done.
I'm so sorry. I can't believe I didn't realize what was happening with you. I'm sorry I wasn't able to save you. And I hate myself for it. I can't believe I was so stupid and blind. We may have been young, but still I feel like I should have known.
