this hasn't been posted on in a while. but somebody linked me to it when i talked about pulling out my leg hairs.
i've not until recently considered it trichotillomania, but reading this thread, i see that it is.
i am OCD and i SI. and i have a super addictive personality. this addiction feeds both.
i could tweeze my leg hairs for hours. and i dig if there is an ingrown hair or if i see a hair but it isn't long enough to pull.
I think I've had this for years. I have OCD and SH too. Since a very young age.
Since I was about 9 or so, I used to pull my eyebrows, eyelashes, hair etc, and I still do.
It feels like I HAVE to do it, no matter what...
& I think my OCD clashes because it has to feel "right" or symmetric etc.
hi again fellow trichsters... it's nice to be reminded that i'm not the only one. Struggling a little at the moment but still not ready to try to stop yet. hope ur all ok x x x
Mostly these days I only really do it minorly (eyebrows mostly) and haven't had bald patches for years, although I do pull the odd hair out of my head which people are confused by...
*offers hugs and ears to all*
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
Havent looked on this thread in a while. I only get little episodes of Trich at the moment, it isnt causing me many problems.
Just like self injury, the main thing that helps when you get an urge is distractions. Here is a list that i have put on the site, it tells you how effective each distraction is too.
i started this thread but i haven't posted in it for a year. i haven't even looked at ryl in that time. sometimes i do anything to avoid facing up to my problems. i am currently trying to grow my hair out for the thousandth time. it's about 4cm long=long enough to pull.
not long after i started this thread i managed to give myself the worst bald spot ever, and for me that's saying something. it wasn't a spot, it was most of my hair. i looked like a balding man, the whole top of my hair missing.
i turned 30 and shaved my head...again. i feel quite hopeless, even though maybe soon i start some new therapy stuff. maybe i can find something i haven't tried.
i found a video of a girl in england called beckie0 who makes videos on youtube. she had trichotillomania and she made a video about it. i wanted to let you know about it because she gives me courage. she has this condition and it makes her so sad, and yet she continues to be a creative, outgoing person who doesn't hide herself away.
i want to be more like that. i don't know how but there's no point if you don't try. my whole life i've been too afraid to be alive. i want to be myself again even though i don't know who that is yet.
this post is dedicated to beckie0 whose trichotillomania video can be found here
I am not sure whether anyone is using this thread much any more, but it is a comfort to me to have found it. My trich is not particularly severe and is more of another alternative to my usual self harm methods and a manifestation of my OCD. I've pulled out my hair for pretty much my entire life, but not really thought of it as a problem. I used to spend hours and hours every day tweezing my eyebrows which kind of made it more "acceptable". It wasn't until my mother asked why I was sitting and pulling out clumps of hair about a year ago that I realised. I don't have too much of a problem with it at the moment though as I cut all my hair off and have it very short. Thank you Penelope for creating this thread and I send my care and support to all of you.
i'm trying to use the thread again, but we'll see. sometimes i don't like to come here because i feel like i'm whinging/wallowing (better to ignore, ignore, ignore) but i'm trying. i need more help than i can admit.
I know what you mean. I haven't ever really thought about trich before, as like I said it's not a major issue for me. It sounds like it is a big disruption to your life though... Have you sought out help specifically for this issue? Do you have people around you who are supportive and understanding of the problem? I hope you are ok xx
i have sought help for this problem and have spent the last 6 years of so trying different things, both medications and therapies.
i've had other pretty big problems with cutting and bulimia but i have made so much progess with those. but hair pulling is something that i haven't been able to improve on.
it does really disrupt my life. it is so consuming. and i can't hide it. i mean, i've shaved my head, worn hats and wigs, but they don't really help, just remind me that i can't stop.
my own family are very hard to deal with. i remember my mum pulling her hair out, but she won't talk to me about it. she blames me for most of my problems.
i have a very supportive partner which is a great thing for me. he's so great. doesn't help with the trich, but makes me feel more accepted.
I hope that you will stumble upon a therapy or medication that helps you more than the ones you have already tried. Perhaps it is more an issue of managing stress levels and finding healthier coping strategies. Maybe you could keep something with you for when you are stressed, like an elastic band or whatever would work for you, so that you have something to do with your hands. I had a phase of constantly scratching without even realising I was doing it and did it enough for it to scar quite badly. Then I had a phase of biting... Obviously I'm not suggesting these things!! But I was just wondering about trying to replace it with something else instead.
I am very glad to hear that you have made progress with cutting and bulimia. That's really great news, you should be really proud of yourself. I am also pleased to hear that you have a supportive partner. That makes a big difference, especially if your family do not understand what you are going through. I find it a huge support to know that my partner still loves me and accepts me despite all my scarring and stuff. I suppose with trich it's one of those vicious circles... You feel stressed so you pull, you feel bad and unacceptable because of the effects, which then makes you more stressed and needing to pull again. Which is why I wondered if you have any strategies for managing stress, as trich is just another way of expressing problems on the inside, like eating disorders and cutting.
help! i have been addicted to plucking my leg hairs for awhile, it is an unfortunate compulsion because i occasionally spend an hour a night doing it when i should be sleeping. but since i shave my legs it isn't a noticeable problem. occasionally i have scabs or scars from digging to get one but those are easy to cover up for.
i am also bulimic and a cutter and those are the 2 problems i am trying to solve presently. i managed to go all weekend without cutting but i couldn't stop plucking my leg hairs one night and i have started obsessing over split ends. whenever i find one i have to pull the hair out.
i have a haircut scheduled in a few weeks but what else can i do to make sure i don't add this to my list of compulsions????
I used to spend hours with tweezers pulling out every hair on my leg. I couldn't stop, and I would crave it all the time. I actually never really thought of it as a problem since it's generally acceptable for women to do mildly painful things for "cosmetic" reasons. My solution was actually just to buy an epilator so I can pull out all the hairs at once and I can't spend hours doing it. I am pretty obsessive about my legs being hair free, and that was a big part of it. I guess this is a very mild example, but I did spend hours and hours of my life doing this.
yeah i felt like the leg hair thing wasn't really a problem until i realized i crave it during the day and could easily spend a few hours a night doing it.
i think sort of the only way to gauge how big a minor problem it is is to see how much it disrupts your life. it isn't really damaging, it just wastes soo much time.
yeah i do it because i absolutely hate having hair on my legs, but also because i enjoy it. i want to pluck every last hair out so i have none left, but i would then wish i had more to pluck :/
I have probably lost weeks of my life picking at hairs in my legs. I would feel relieved that I wasn't pulling from my head but then I would get upset at how much time I had wasted. It was always searching, always searching for something to "fix" even if I ended up bleeding and scarred. Sometimes when I'm pulling from my head I try to change and pull from my legs, but my fingers have a mind of their own.
Banana...
I am hoping to find a new way of coping...I just have hoped so much, I get so disappointed when it doesn't work. I've tried lots of different things to keep my hands occupied but they are stronger than me. I have worn hats, bandaids on my fingers, gloves and I don't even know what else. So many things.
Even the times when my head was shaved, I would be constantly feeling the little stubble hairs, always searching. But for what? I do remember that when I started pulling when I was young it was because I felt some hairs with a different texture, or feel, to my other hairs. I didn't like them being "wrong" and so I pulled them out.
So in that sense, I think I'm searching for imperfections, flaws, problems. And when I find them, I can't leave them alone until they are fixed, even if I know that it will give me bald spots. I mean, what's worse? A "weird" hair or a massive bald spot? This is when I feel I must be insane, because I know what's worse, but I still can't stop pulling.
Thanks for all your kind words, and I hope you are okay too. If you ever need me, just holler.
DLT - Sorry to hear about what you are going through. I agree with you about things being a problem when they are disruptive. I have OCD and it fluctuates in severity, but most of the time I don't really think of it as a "problem" compared to other illnesses I have, because I just work my life around it so it doesn't really disrupt things. But then sometimes I have to spend hours and hours drawing lines in groups of 5 or arranging cutlery or whatever random thing I've got hung up about, and then it is a big problem. I think the other thing is how upsetting it is. Sometimes my rituals are very calming and are a "healthier" coping strategy than self harm etc, but sometimes if I get stuck in a ritual then it is very upsetting. I know what you mean about enjoying it, I guess it's related to the whole self harm type thing. I also like having something to focus on. I can't fix the puzzle of my head but I can fix a little hairy patch. Split ends... I had a huuge thing about split ends for years and years. I'd quite happily while away the hours pulling out all hairs that were split or *could* be split or were in *danger* of splitting. The only thing that made me stop each session was making my eyes ache from focusing on something so close up. The way I dealt with that obsession was to get my hair cut off which got rid of the split ends and also stops it hanging in my face reminding me... Less drastically though you could just tie it up out of your face , or cut off split ends with scissors so you aren't actually pulling whole hairs out, or put gel in your hair so it's harder to grip and pull out. If all else fails maybe try and push your hair cut forward a bit? And well done for not cutting all weekend. That's a big achievement
Nine - I know what you mean about thinking it's fine for cosmetic reasons. I also had a big thing about plucking my eyebrows for quite a few years. I'd spend at least an hour plucking them every night, much to the annoyance of my family who couldn't understand why I was in the bathroom for so long. I got so so frustrated and angry if I couldn't get one of the hairs out. I don't really have a problem with it now, I'm not sure why. I'm anorexic and I guess trich is linked into the whole quest for perfection/ changing body image/ etc etc. In any case I hope you find ways to deal with it and can keep it under control.
Stella - I'm so sorry to hear that you have struggled so much with it. I wish I had a solution I could give you to make things easier. At the moment I wear a ring all the time. When I'm anxious I can fiddle with it and push it hard into my skin. It's enough pain to keep the anxiety at bay and it also is a useful grounding technique when I'm slipping away from the world. For a while I wore an elastic band to ping it but that didn't really work so well for me. I guess it's the reason for doing these things that's important. Finding other things to do is just like putting a plaster over a gaping wound, it's not going to heal it. Are you getting therapy at the moment? I totally understand what you mean about why you pull the hairs out. Sometimes I feel like my whole life is about what *feels* wrong. For example with my OCD I have a massive thing about odd numbers, everything has to be in fives, and the worst number in the universe is the number four. I don't have a reason as such, it just feels right or wrong. With pulling out hairs it's like I'm chasing after catching the "right" feeling because something feels wrong or missing. And with my anorexia I suppose it links into my low self-esteem as well. You're not at all insane dear, please don't think that. Sometimes we do things that don't appear to make sense, but they do. There is a reason for all of our behaviour. Sometimes we just have to search to find the reason. I hope that you are ok, I'm here for you any time you want to talk.
thank you stella for making this thread. I find it so comforting to know theres others that can relate so much.
Bannana I also don't think mine is too distruptive. Get's very annoying sometimes and i have to shave lots to attempt to stop me pulling and plucking. It only upsets me lots when i pull my eyelashes, i currently have a bald spot which i'm desperately trying not to make worse.
But i don't pull from my head so it feels less of a problem, although i know that's not necessarilly true.
I have just discovered that i am an adult child of an alcoholic (well realised that this is a term and it affected me more than i ever let myself beleive before) and one of the characteristics is compulsive behaviour which i wonder if perhaps this may be cause behind my trich?
Not sure just spilling out words really (sorry for spellings, dot quite know where i am lol)
*hugs everyone* we can live fulfilled lives, trich isnt who we are x x
I found this thread very interesting to read. Many people who suffer from Trichtillomania do so in different ways.
I've never been "diagnosed" with trich but I have "twirled" (piece of hair around and around my finger, over and over and over) since I was a baby.
I've given myself bald patched twice because of it. It's always on the same place on my head, left hand side of my fringe. I've gotten my hair cut in weird styles many times to hide the fact that that piece of my hair is significantly shorter than the rest.
Usually it is an unconscious act, usually when I am really stressed. My family always say to me "stop twirling" and it annoys the hell out of me.
I also suffer from depression, generalized anxiety disorder, a drug habit and SI.
I appreciate this thread, for the very fact that unless you suffer from Trich you probably will never have heard of it. It is a condition full of shame and guilt, that we have to hide from others and even ourselves.
i pull my hair out everyday, have done since i was like 12 or 13. pull it out everywhere; my head, face, chest etc, it drives me nuts. i keep a box now for all the hair ive pulled out, so i can see how much i actually pull out, and it shocked me. right now, ive got a bald patch on the front of my fringe thats about 3inches long, and a bald patch on my beard where ive pulled it out there as well. i need my hair cut, but i just cant face it. luckily my fringe covers the bald patch, only just though. wish i could just stop, but it gets triggered by anxiety, stress, and sometimes i dont realise im doin it! ive pulled out hair while doing this post, it just doesn't stop. its a bit ****! hope you're all ok anyway, this is a good thread to have around me thinks
x
Cause I need to watch things die from a distance
Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies
You all need it too - don't lie.
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