Some advice on opening up and being able to talk about it?

35mm · 23-01-2010, 04:09 PM

Basically, I have to do my video interview for the police again because last time I wasn't emotionally able or ready to explain in detail what happened, and detail is what the police need. I'm just about able to say "he sexually abused me" but i find it extremely difficult to say how/where etc. My teacher has offered to talk to me next week so that i can try to open up to her before going to the police again, because if i can't open up to her then i won't be able to open up to anybody. thing is, i physically cannot get the words out of my mouth, i just seem to shut down when i'm about to tell somebody. when i'm asked to describe things, i can't. but i have to.

any advice?

Arathor · 23-01-2010, 05:09 PM

Well, this is of course not something which you should do on a permanent basis, but I think for the purpose of this specific very important interview you should maybe visit a doctor and ask for some strong anti-anxiety medication which you can take one or several hours before the interview starts...

Mikey Moo · 23-01-2010, 11:27 PM

i want to give you advice, i really do, but i can't even talk about it myself. i hope you get the support and help you need with this. we're always here for ya

x

alleycatstar · 24-01-2010, 08:53 PM

be cautious about the anti-anxiety drugs, I know that you can't legally sign anything when taking Valium etc, so I would check with the police if you take them, that your testimony would be legally valid? I hate the thought of you going through that, then having to do it yet again...

would you be allowed to prepare a statement first that you could read from?

otherwise all i can say is that I'll be thinking of you and sending kind thoughts your way x

trekkiecab · 24-01-2010, 10:27 PM

35mm,
Have you tried writing about what your abuser did? I found it easier to write than talk. If you must talk it over with the police, maybe you could read a detailed journal entry instead of having an un-aided conversation. This is how I told my therapist about my abuse issues.

*HUGS*
Trekkiecab

Crystal_Heart · 01-02-2010, 11:04 AM

I have the same problem when I'm about to open up to someone. I physically am unable to speak. What I've learned is to try and "de-personalize" it. Try and tell it like its someone elses story (but still using "I, me, etc). Sometimes if the reason I cannot speak is that I'm really embarrassed, then I try to watch myself talking through the other person's eyes. Like, pretend you are the one listening to the story rather than telling it. Also, keep something small in your pocket that you can grab and "play with" while you are talking. Its a grounding technique. Try to focus on the object while you are talking. It doesn't take away from your story at all, and may reduce the anxiety. These are ways to sort of take away some of the emotion. If you're anything like me there will still be enough genuine emotion to help your case but not so much that it prevents you from speaking. This is what works for me. I hope it works for you too. Try using these techniques if/when you talk to your teacher first. Good luck! You are a strong and brave person for testifying. You will get through this and come through even stronger because of it. :)

Crystal_Heart · 01-02-2010, 11:07 AM

I know that was a bit of a lengthy post but I'm not sure if its fully clear. Let me know if you want me to expand on my suggestions. :) hope it helps.

Ingenue · 01-02-2010, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crystal_Heart

What I've learned is to try and "de-personalize" it. Try and tell it like its someone elses story (but still using "I, me, etc). Sometimes if the reason I cannot speak is that I'm really embarrassed, then I try to watch myself talking through the other person's eyes. Like, pretend you are the one listening to the story rather than telling it. Also, keep something small in your pocket that you can grab and "play with" while you are talking. Its a grounding technique. Try to focus on the object while you are talking. It doesn't take away from your story at all, and may reduce the anxiety. These are ways to sort of take away some of the emotion. If you're anything like me there will still be enough genuine emotion to help your case but not so much that it prevents you from speaking.

This is absolutley brilliant advice. I agree with everything said from Crystal_Heart. Try telling it as though it's someone else's story and having something to fiddle with in your pocket if your nervous (even if it's a key or something) will really help to ground you.

Good luck<3

Jane
x

35mm · 04-02-2010, 06:33 PM

Thanks for the advice. The police are talking to me tomorrow. I'm so scared though. This isn't worth a new thread so I'll post it in here. Is all this really worth it? I don't see him anymore, he's stopped calling/texting me, I will NEVER see him again and I think I could slowly get happier because of that. But if I go through with this, I'll have a court case to deal with, and i'd have to testify in court with him there (i'll be 18 by then). I don;t know what to do.

Are you allowed to drop allegations at this stage? somebody please help.

Sigma · 07-02-2010, 04:06 PM

Only you can decide whether to go ahead with it. If you can manage it, you might get more peace in the end if you go ahead, take things to the conclusion (also you'll have done as much as you can to make him face the consequences of what he did). But if you can't manage it, then don't, you need to look after yourself. Either way, get as much support as you can and keep reminding yourself this is not your fault. You're very brave for getting this far.

take care

35mm · 07-02-2010, 07:54 PM

Police are coming into my school tomorrow to interview me again. It's too late to pull out, apparently. I'm so scared of speaking to them: I won't be able to get the words out again! :'(