A Rock And A Hard Place

[(*-*)]

in order to understand this you first have to know i lover her soooo much, weve been together for almost 15 months...
ok umm i kinda relapsed the other day ( :( ) and i need to tell my girlfriend but i cant.. she gets me to stop by cutting if i do, and it hurts way more to see her cut then it does for me not to..
but anyways i cant lie to her i have to tell her... i just cant i dont want to hurt her... and now im stuck between 2 evils and it making me just relapse more!
what should i do!!!

[Stress Free Anxiety]

1. Take a deep breath. Remember that part of recovery is slipups, we all have them.

2. What does your heart tell you to do? To me, it sounds like you really want to be honest with her. Maybe you can talk with her about what caused you to relapse and tell her that having her self-harm is only going to be more triggering to you?

[The 666th Pope]

best just to tell her, and own up to what you've done. it seems like you knew this was going to happen so maybe by owning up to it it will stop you next time. the best way to control yourself is to take responsibility for your own actions.

[(*-*)]

i want to tell her but.. her hurting herself isnt going to help.. i do want to be honest i have never lied to her before.. but icant stand her being hurt especially because of me....

[Stress Free Anxiety]

It said your PM's are turned off so I'll post this here in reply to your PM:



It's natural to feel torn up over all this. Relapses are hard enough, but knowing someone you love will use it as an excuse to harm themselves only magnifies it. I really think the both of you should talk with someone outside of the situation, like a therapist or counselor. It's what I had to do when my urges to relapse ended up effecting the relationship I have with my fiance.

If that's not an option then, like I said before, talk with her when you're both pretty calm and have time to really get things out. Explain why you relapsed and that you need her support in fighting these urges, and that the thought of her harming herself over your relapse is severely triggering. Try to find ways that she can help support your recovery without harming herself in the process. Maybe every time you relapse, you agree to go see a cheesy chick flick or go to her favorite date night place? Then, you can also build up other incentives to beat the urges - your pick of the movie, etc.

You could also make a distraction box together for when the urges strike. Things you could include: a picture of the two of you together, a letter from her talking about how your SH affects her, play dough to fidget with and keep your hands busy, lyrics to songs you both enjoy, etc.

- Felicia

[(*-*)]

hmm... shes not using me to cut.us she hates sh-ing but its to make ME stop.. i do have distractions.... i have rubber bands, my bass, i doodle, we talk, we cuddle, but idk.... guess im just having trouble telling her. just comming out with it you know?

[The 666th Pope]

well all i guess we can say is the sooner you tell her the sooner it will be over, and the better it will turn out, because from what youve said you dont hide things from her so she might feel annoyed if she finds out you havnt hold her straight away.

Her cutting to make you stop isn't really good. I don't know if she is a self harmer otherwise, but I'm getting the impression she only cuts to stop you from doing it. If that's the case you guys may need to go to a counselor together so she can understand self harm more. For me I hate it when my bf finds out I've cut. Knowing he will see makes me cut much less. So perhaps if she just sticks with supporting you but letting you know it's not ok that would be better.

[(*-*)]

i told her..... :( i begged her not to do anything bad... i talked with her for a bit... she wont cut but shes very unhappy with me... that part really hurts though...