I don't remember my first cut. I started close to two years ago. I'd been scratching my skin off occasionally over the last few weeks. I remember one day I had a panic attack walking back from class to my dorm. I scratched but it didn't work, pulled a chain around my neck wanting to die. I sat under my desk totally freaking out for no reason. Saw a bottle of rubbing alcohol and put that on the scratch to make it burn. I'm not sure if I ended up cutting that afternoon or not, but it was definitely then or soon after.
Thought I was being smart, thought I was in control, thought I'd just limit it to my upper thigh. Ha.
"Watch me fault her "you're living like a disaster". She said "kill me faster", with strawberry gashes all over"
Sometime in August 2001 was when i first cut although i do remember marking myself before that, but first time a ctually cut was August 2001.
I'd never even heard of self harm at that point so then when i saw the storyline on hollyoaks about it a few months later it was quite comforting.
my first real cut was 5 years ago, i cant remember it very well, i just remember my mother walking into my room, seeing my arm and telling me i was a psycho and not part of her family anymore,
from that day i havent stopped,
5 years onwards i have had two near death episodes that landed me in hospital ,
this is a good idea, reading about how others started,
my first cut was in '03 or '04.
i really don't remember if i was 15 or 16...i'm leaning more towards 16.
i was pissed because my mom and my boyfriend couldn't get along. i was stuck in the middle. and i felt so irrational, so torn, and confused. i locked my door, sat on my floor, with candles, listening to evanescence. i talked to my boyfriend. i told him i wouldn't hurt myself as long as he was on the phone with me. he promised he would be there till i fell asleep. he lied.
i had seen it on a t.v. show....and i wondered how it helped. i felt it did.
i did it for awhile. i stopped for good, [or so i thought,] in december of '06.
but i feel i'll never fully get away from it. because it got to me again. tonight.
i wish i had never done it. i truly do.
the world is a vampire, sent to drain
secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
and what do i get, for my pain
betrayed desires, and a piece of the game
despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage
then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
i still believe i can never be saved
<3
It was so long ago i really cant even remember why. But i remember exactly where i was and exactly what i used. I think i did it because my mom got drunk or something, i was probably around 12. Ya kno it wasnt really even a cut it was like a scratch but it opened a big ass can of worms lol
The only thing on a mind of a shark is eat, by any means and you just sardines. :)
I tried to scratch the word help into my arm with a compass... it didn't work.. that was in 05ish i think... and i did it because i was told it would help
i cant remeber the reason for my first cut but i know i was feeling desperate and angry at myself and it started of withe me thinking "oh just the once" but soon i was doing it everyday sometimes more, although my cuts were never very deep they meant alot to me in the way that each one demonstrated how much pain i was in.
My first time was when i was 13 (7 and a half years ago).
My friend told me she self harmed, i didn't understand it, couldn't wrap my head around it, i was so upset i tried it, tried to see what was making her do it, what she gained from it, it terrified me and i swore id never do it again. Then the next time i was upset i did..and then i got addicted :/ i wish i'd never tried it that day.
