Triggering (SI) - :[

[turbotheturtle]

I joined this website about 3 years ago. I used to cut myself, a lot. Like i would do it about 6 or 7 times a day. I sometimes ran out of places to cut...

I finally figured out a way to deal with the pain i was feeling and it was amazing. I got a wonderful, amazing, and beautiful girlfriend. I was in love. I've never felt it before so it was amazing... I felt amazing. I haven't cut in this amount of time! I was doing so wonderfully. It amazed me how good i was really doing.


We are still together. But i feel like the love and awesomeness that was there a year and a half ago... isn't there anymore. :[. I found out that we are two completely different people. I dont even think i can handle thinking about it right now....


But anyways I'm going to just get to the point. I cut again tonight. I cant believe that i did it... I tried so hard to resist it... but i just couldnt. I thought that i would never have to worry about this again. But the feeling is back. The desire to cut. I have to cut, I want to cut, I need to cut. This past month had been the worst in a really long time.

Someone just help me... or try?

[flawedinsomniac]

Don't be so hard on yourself for giving in. I know it's frustrating, especially after having such a great and happy period and for going so long without doing it, but don't be angry with yourself. The urges will probably always be there, even if they're just lurking about in your subconscious/unconscious.

I once went 2 1/2 years without cutting and had a nice period of happiness (or at least feelings of being content) and I went back to cutting and I'm still doing it. I can totally understand the frustration, but what's done is done.

My advice is to just keep yourself distracted and busy. If you're busy, you won't have time to think about the urges/desires.

Would it be possible for you to talk to your girlfriend, or do you fear that things have changed so much that you wouldn't feel comfortable talking to her? If you feel comfortable, I suggest talking to her about what's been bothering you.

Good luck and take care. <3

[turbotheturtle]

thank you. and yeah i feel like i cant talk to her anymore.... it just sucks.

[Louise]

*cuddles you* As the above person says please do not be hard on yourself about slipping up it's all part of recovery. You can get through this, I it is easier said that done, but it is possible.

Have you anyone that you can talk to? Try to distract yourself keep yourself busy do things you enjoy doing.

Take care
Louise x

[afraidtogetbackup]

slip ups happen and are a part of recovering. it seems that you never got to the bottom of what was causing the urges in the first place and then they got covered up when you felt happy but the terrible feelings were still in your subconscious. i don't know if that makes sense but try to not be too hard on yourself. you don't need to cut and if you think about it you probably don't really want to either otherwise you wouldn't feel horrible about cutting. you also don't have to cut there are other ways of feeling better. listening to music or playing a game online helps me. message me whenever. i'll listen and not judge. sorry if none of this helped. feel better okay?