Feeling down again

Sarika · 05-10-2009, 06:42 PM

I'm feeling down again, feel like I'm slipping back into depression. I cried for half an hour over the phone to my mother last night. She asked if I needed my father to come take me home. I said I didn't want to miss any classes so that was a no. I was losing interest in classes a few weeks ago, but I kept up with the work (and I still attempt to now). Now the loss of interest is greater. I'm feeling a lack of happiness, caring, just overall blah-ness. I'm just...I don't know how to explain it. Yesterday I was really down and was wanting to harm myself but that's over now (for the moment) and I just feel...yuck. I don't feel hunger anymore, which is a bad thing because I have an ED. I did force myself to eat but it's literally nothing. I have to say that I get mood swings, I tend to be 'up' in the morning but 'down' in the afternoon/evening. I also get angry easily now. I don't like being like this, it's something that just cannot happen. I don't want to risk my scholorship over this. But at the same time my heart and soul cannot bear another depressive episode, I just can't do it. I have an appointment with my therapist on Friday but I just feel like crap right now and seriously wonder how I can possibly make it til then. I'm not suicidal, no not one bit but I just feel so lost and confused. Why is this happening again? What can I do to stop it? Thanks in advance.

Sarika · 05-10-2009, 07:57 PM

I want to add that I'm debating about going home and trying to get an earlier appointment. I didn't want to miss class but now I'm not even caring about it so what's the point of being in them, right? I sit in them just completely 'not there'...not very beneficial. Do I wait or not...just thinking about that.

Hollz · 05-10-2009, 07:58 PM

I don't have many words right now, just wanted to know that I have read and I am thinking about you,try and be honest with your therapist

If you wanna talk, I'll be online xxx

jen-x · 05-10-2009, 09:04 PM

Hey, i think getting an earlier appointment is a good idea. Its better to miss a class or two and get things under control rather than dragging it out and remaining disinterested and lacking motivation.....

I'm really sorry you're struggling again. It's so disheartening when you think you're better, and the your symptoms return.

Take care of yourself,
jen x

Sarika · 05-10-2009, 10:17 PM

I'm talking to my mother later (in about 2 hours) and I want to see if she'll agree. I tried to explain it last night but I was way to emotional to make any sense.

I forced myself to eat today because I didn't want my ED voice to take over as I'm battling hard against it. But it's very hard to do that when I'm so down.

Thanks for the replies.

guiltyinnocence · 05-10-2009, 11:20 PM

Hey,
Im sorry things are a bit crappy for you. I agree that going home sooner and getting an earlier appointment could be a wise move. Could you explain to your tutors that you might miss a few classes cus you need to go home?
Well done with eating something today, i understand its hard. You're doing really well, eating today shows that you really are trying to fight this
Take care
xx