so.. this is my first time posting over here at all, and I'm not exactly sure where to start, but... I'm feeling like complete crap right now cus its that time of month so if this is emotional and crazy I apologize. <3
So... I've always had issues with food/body image because of my dad being a complete health freak and my mom having body image issues of her own.
So... last year my mom was living with my grammy and we were building a room for her to move her up here.. but anyway point is that mom wasn't at home and that meant there wasn't as much food in the house. So I ate alot less in the beginning and I had actually lost some weight.
Well then she came back and I started eating too much again. I eat too much at mealtimes, and I tend to eat between meals too. If I buy a bag of chips or a bag of bagels or whatever.. I will eat the entire thing by myself all at once. If there was junk food in this house I would eat it all the time. If I had a way to go get it, I would.
I am definitely an emotional eater. I eat when I am feeling like crap, when I'm sad, or even when I'm happy or excited.
But I also feel "fat" and ugly. Mostly just around my waist line. I think its partly the way I'm built, but ugh...
I am technically about 10 or 15 lbs over my ideal weight, and I can't get rid of it, because if I do try to eat a bit less, or just cut out the snacking and/or bingeing, I will just binge more after.
So yeah....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aimee in Wonderland
God, we need our own forum, there's just so many issues, everything is so in depth... and tips like above are fantastic, they belong in a recovery sticky in our new forum (that I'm not giving up on!)
^I totally agree with this.
freedom is like religion to us
justice is juxtaposition in us...
we sing,
our music is the cuts
that we bleed through...
-common-
You can post your own threads in this forum y'know?
New forum or no new forum I like this thread.
Now if someone on it could please give me a kick in the ass I'd love it.
I need to get out of the house and do something.
Partially to remove myself from all this binge food and trigger food, and partly because I just need to get out.
But my head is telling me to just sit here and stuff my face so... meh.
Yeah kick please?
I know I've not been in here much for a while, and I'm sorry about that, but...what happened to this thread? It's been ages since I got an email notification of a reply .__.;;
I hate who I am. I hate how I look. I hate how I'm always everybody's "fat friend", the one they can all look at and be like "well, at least I don't look like her". I hate looking at photos from nights out and realising how disgusting I actually am.
I wish I could just slice huge chunks of fat from me. Or something.
Wake me up before I change again
Remind me the story that I won't get insane
Tell me why it's always the same
Explain me the reason why I'm so much in pain.
I know what you mean. I hate the way that I've put on weight and am struggling to fit into my clothes, but it's not yet enough for me to get the willpower to stop eating so damned much
I do know how you feel. I just have to keep telling myself that I am not summed up by my physical appearance, that I, as a person, am made up of a number of different factors. And that fat =/= ugly.
But it's all very well saying it, I know it's a lot mroe difficult to realise it.
I went shopping with my Gran the other day, and we were happily looking around the shops - I couldn't help but feel, as I was trying clothes on, that she must be looking at me with disgust - she worked all her life at staying slim, my aunt was anorexic and a dancer, so she was very slim - and here I am, hardly slim at all. My self-worth went further and further down as I was there.
And I've been so rubbish at taking care of myself. I can't be bothered with real cooking, with real food, or with sleeping properly. I don't eat breakfast, then live off crisps and fruit and bits and pieces - I just don't want to look after myself, I can't be bothered with it. And so I'm eating rubbish, and overeating, because I'm not eating properly.
I have a little tip don't know whether it has been said yet, I used to binge like hell on sweets. You can get these sugar free chewing gums now that are flavoured, I make a big ball so it feels like im chewing on something more resembling food than gum. The best advice I have been given is to start to enjoy cooking, these means that I can plan the meal I will have and take my time over making it, only buyin the food for that meal diminsihes snacking food. Also after every meal I leave at least half an hour in order for my food to settle, force myself to wait that long. Drinking is really really important because hunger and thirst can be confused.
I understand how you feel about the shopping, I haven't been in years are regularly am getting clothes online or wearing things that are torn just to stop the feeling when I am shopping. Particularly upsetting when you can't go to any shops apart from those designed for big people, which don't always have the best accomodated clothing for young people.
I am having a pain of the time because now I am home, on one side it is harder to binge as I have no way of getting the food, on the other hand I am around my mum who is constantly food concious and saying she is enormous when she is blatently not, which makes me feel like the biggest person in the universe. Also new doctor trying to put me on diet pills, that always has made me feel bad. Mainly because my diet when not binging is perfect it just points out that I am a slave to my binges I dunno bleugh.
Rockaroni- I say that phrase to my partner all the time, glad to hear im not alone in that feeling.
Last edited by Minty : 17-08-2009 at 11:27 AM.
Reason: sorry went for a bit longer of a ranting
But I being poor have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet ; tread softly as you tread on my dreams.
We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.
I just found this list online. The list itself comes from a website that looks to be an eating disorder clinic, but it was a pretty straightforward list so wanted to copy it here. I've just done step one right now with telling a friend *Eeeep!*
Tell someone. Even if only one person knows about your disorder, at least you will no longer be alone in your struggle.
Seek out treatment and therapy. Enroll in an eating disorder treatment facility or attend therapy session. Be willing to learn and make yourself vulnerable.
Carry limited amounts of food at home. Although this may be more of a hassle, it will limit temptations at home.
Relax. Set aside time to enjoy life and take part in a fun activity.
Forgive yourself. You can’t change the past, you can only learn from your mistakes.
Exercise. Plan out an appropriate exercise program you will desire to maintain.
Determine the causes and triggers of your disorder. By doing this you can then take steps to prevent further binges.
Eat breakfast daily. Those who do not regularly eat breakfast are more prone to binging and eating high calorie meals later in the day.
Share your concerns with friends and family. Never isolate yourself.
Take adequate nutrients. If you do not consume enough nutrients for your body, consider taking vitamin and mineral supplements.
Find self-help books. These books will encourage you and often offer helpful advice, especially if they are centered on binge eating.
Attend a support group. Knowing that others struggle with the same problems may relieve stress.
Talk with a nutritionist. He or she can help you set up an appropriate meal plan.
Write in a journal. This may help especially when you have the urge to binge eat.
Do not diet. Fad diets rarely help for long periods of time and very strict diet plans may only make your disorder worse.
Love yourself for who you are, not what you look like.
Minty :( sounds tough, but perhaps try and look at your thoguhts and work on not letting what your mum (with her perhaps distorted perception) says and don't compare it to you? Also diet pills - is that the best solution??
Well that is what I said to the doctor, diet pills are not the solution I need some psychological help not a medicine, daft women. Well done for telling someone I think that is one of the biggest steps, I would find it really hard to tell anyone because I don't think they would get what I mean . It's hard with my mum because I think if she sees herself as fat then I can' imagine what she must think of me, and this is often the case because I find a lot of individuals under 25 especially have the thought that a certain size is big and that is my ideal size really I think that is a nice healthy size to be. There are many issues I wish I could resolve and I know the reasons for the eating but I can't resolve them alone I am really trying to do so but finding it increasingly difficult.
But I being poor have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet ; tread softly as you tread on my dreams.
We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.
Tonights been a bad one. I always sit and wish I had that control to purge. I know it's bad and blah, but a part of me thinks its worse keeping all these pointless calories inside me.
Wake me up before I change again
Remind me the story that I won't get insane
Tell me why it's always the same
Explain me the reason why I'm so much in pain.
*leaves a big box of love for you all*
I wish I could take this away from every one of you. :(
Bumping this thread up the page a bit because it had slipped.
Hi everyone *waves shyly* Mind if I join in this thread?
I have put on weight in the last couple of years and it is REALLY getting me down :( I find that I sometimes just don't feel full, so I can just keep eating and eating :S I don't know...I don't know how to make it stop :( I hate feeling so out of control :(
Eating has always been a problem for me, but it just seems to have escalated recently. I am sliding down a very slippery slope having put on a lot of weight recently. I have had to buy new wardrobes several times over within the past year or two, and honestly, being an overweight teenager isn't very nice. I have a facade of being the jolly one who takes all the fat jokes in my stride, from all my friends' constant jibes, but I'm sick of it. I'm basically sick of being called 'porky piglet' (even though it's clearly meant in a friendly way) and I'm even more sick to death of trying on clothes and them not fitting. Clothes that fit me a week ago. My weight is ballooning. Even before I was technically very overweight I was the fattest person in my new school. And they all complain about being fat. And they are size 10s. Which is not fat.
I think it's some kind of displacement mechanism. As soon as I started making a very conscious effort to stop the SH, the eating reared its ugly head. My therapist told me it was the least self-destructive coping mechanism I'd shown, and didn't appear concerned. I am clinically not depressed any more... it's been a long road but I am finally out of it. The only thing left is that now I eat my feelings. I think a lot of people would be repulsed at the amount I eat. I'd keep a food diary but to be honest, it would just depress me even further. Each time I go to buy more binge food, I promise myself that this is the last time. The last lot of shopping I do. Yet I always go back the next day, and I'm sick of it. I get jealous of people who are skinnier than me; who don't need food the way that I do. And in a really, really horrible way (and this thought repulses me in my head), I'm jealous of people who have the nerve to throw it back up. Because my body won't do it, and my mind won't do it. I sometimes wish I could because it would solve a lot of problems.
Sorry for the rant.
Nice to meet you all :)
*goes back and hides*
AMY.
You're not as messed up as you think you are,
Your self-absorption makes you messier.
Just settle down and you could feel a whole lot better,
Deep down, you're just like everybody else.
Last edited by rockaroni : 27-08-2009 at 03:12 AM.
Wake me up before I change again
Remind me the story that I won't get insane
Tell me why it's always the same
Explain me the reason why I'm so much in pain.
It's been a long time since anybody posted in here - how are you guys feeling now, how are you coping?
I've been back at uni now for about three weeks? and I'm loving feeling back, and feeling a lot more positive - but it's really difficult to shake off the eating thing. I ate so much rubbish when I was at home, because I was so miserable, and now I'm back I'm just finding it hard to get back into eating healthily and regularly - I just want to binge all the time, even with distractions, even with feeling uncomfortably full, even with wanting to be healthy.
It's just really frustrating, argh!
I'm sure I'll work it out soon - although I've been back for three weeks, I've travelled around a bit too, so I've found it difficult to maintain some sort of regular thing. Also, I rely a lot on fresh fruit and veg for cooking/meals, and because I've been travelling it's made it quite difficult buying enough for what I need but not so much that it'll go off. It's just - I dunno, part of me doesn't want to eat properly? I feel awful and so uncomfortable and it's clear that my skin hates me for it - but I just feel so much better, like a release, when I binge. I'm just gonna wait and see how the next few weeks, now that all of my friends will be starting to come back up to uni, are going to pan out...
Oh, Jo! I know the feeling. And thanks for bumping this, too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreaming.
I dunno, part of me doesn't want to eat properly?
Hopefully I am reading this right, but I was exactly the same. Do you know what it is that you get out of not eating properly? I mean, largely there's a massive convenience, it's sometimes cheaper, and on the whole sometimes you do get that release that you are talking about, too.
If you do decide to try and alter your behaviours a bit, start really small, and find healthy foods that are convenience foods, too, or that bit cheaper, or not super-good-low-cal-high-carb blah blah foods, but just foods that a moderately healthy. Every little bit counts! As for the release when you binge, what could you substitute that with (and moreso, what is it a release for, or from?)
When I was making the decision for me to kick out of my binging (which, last week, was pretty continual so I did need to come to a conclusion of "right, this ends here") these sort of things helped me break the habit initially:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna
I feel awful and so uncomfortable and it's clear that my skin hates me for it
... because (as you seem to be describing) it can just be so ADDICTIVE! You want to binge *all* the time, it plays on your mind, and it's a bit like drugs too in a sense that the amount that "soothes" you for a short while will probably eventually need to be increased to have any effects.
So I thought about what I was losing to binging behaviours - my skin was the main one, weight obviously a close second, and concentration kinda got messed up for me too because I was just allowing myself to centre my thoughts on food all the time. Oh, and I was miserable, which was uncool.
But as you've said, people are going to be coming back to uni now so you've got some more transition there, and it might change things for you anyway!
Sorry if you weren't looking for any advice *blushes* and I am sure you know it all too. But importantly - you are oh-so-not alone. <3 Love you Jo!
xxxx
