To be quite honest i don't really remember much from the past few years, i only remember what people tell me. My mind is that fucked up that i don't remember that much.
Why should i look into seeing someone professional if you don't mind me asking? I'll be fine, just me, a nice sharp razor and a HUGE bottle of pills. That's all i need.
I gave up today. First time in a long time, nearly three months free. Ive been so good up to now. But sometimes its all that helps. Not condoning it, just saying, its a survival thing. I really don't wana have to tell my doc tomoro. I don't think I should. Parents are away on holiday and im on my own. I don't want her telling anyone. I forgot how much relief I feel afterwards, the guilt over it hasn't kicked in yet cos i still feel relieved. Don't know what to do though, made a mess.
Destruction is a form of creation. Let's see what happens when we tear the world apart.
listen,
you are SO loved.
we all are. we are all suffering.
there are so many people that would die to know you and your story.
we all have a purpose. and we will live to tell. our suffering makes us strong. we are the survivors. i love you and there is hope.
please, be safe. YOU ARE LOVED.
pm me.
All i can say to everyone is thanks for trying to help, but no thanks. All i've done is fuck up my life. And there is no going back, all i should do is lock myself in my room and throw away the key. board up the windows, block out all sunlight(Not that there is much of that in the UK anyway... O.O) and just not do anything. Sit in darkness. Just like what my heart does. Why did i not think of doing this years ago?
No, please, don't.
There's always something worth trying for. There's always something worth fighting for.
Don't give up. By telling us all about this, it's obvious that you want to get better. You want support, and you want help. There are people who want to give you that, if you let them.
*hugs*
Hope you feel better soon.
oh non-believer, please believe me.
is there honestly nothing in this world
that keeps you living & breathing?
you're a ghost in your own
goddamn city.
Maybe deep down i do want help. In the other side of my soul, my heart may want help. But i don't need help. I can get by just locking myself off from the world.
Come on, you know that's not the answer. You need help. You can admit it; it's nothing to be ashamed of.
You don't need to go through this alone.
oh non-believer, please believe me.
is there honestly nothing in this world
that keeps you living & breathing?
you're a ghost in your own
goddamn city.
I've been going through this alone since i was 13/14. Nobody ever tried to help me, the doctors laughed in my face. The psyc didn't do jack shit for me. Only made things worse. My own mother found it funny and then tried to slit my wrists. :P I wish she'd try it again.
Oooops i slipped. :) I just cut. Darn it. 2 days free. Haha.
You can try again. Keep trying until someone helps you, because they will. You need to get someone to help you.
We're always here for you though, so if you need to rant/unload or whatever, we'll listen.
You're not that alone anymore, you have friends you've met from here, you have us replying to your posts, and we will listen and talk to you for as long as you need.
Andy, doctors can be **** sometimes, but you have to keep trying until they listen to you. With teenagers, they often blame it on growing up blah blah blah, it took a while for them to listen to me! How about a change of doctor? *hugs* You know I'm here, yeah? x
Thanks, really thanks. But i just don't think i can really take living much longer, we were talking about a good way to kill yourself earlier me and the people i was with anyway, but they don't realise that i will try some of the things they suggested.
And i did change my doctors, but i've not been back yet, i'm kinda scared to tbh. :/ I want someone to come with me to kinda take that fear away a little bit more.
Now i've got someone telling me that this site WON'T help me recover in anyway at all, fucking prick. He's telling me that looking around here won't take my mind off self harming. I'm so triggered right now and i'm actually starting to love the feeling from it tbh. Maybe that's not a good thing.. But right now i love the feeling of being triggered. Maybe a blade is really my best friend. I really do feel like i shouldn't be living anymore. I just want to end everything and then everyone can forget i ever existed. It's for the best i think. I don't have any real friends anymore. They've all fucked off in their own little groups. So what do i have left? I can't skate anymore, i'm shit on games that i used to be good on. I HAVE NOTHING LEFT EXCEPT FOR DEATH :)
We're trying to help, and we don't want you to do this. We want to see you get better. There's always something better on the horizon, and cutting yourself or killing yourself won't help.
If you're not good at games you were once, practise. Make things better. Try and improve, not end.
And even if you think you're doing everyone a favour, you're not. If you do this, you won't be helping anyone, least of all yourself.
Please just try and stay safe? *hugs* We want to help.
oh non-believer, please believe me.
is there honestly nothing in this world
that keeps you living & breathing?
you're a ghost in your own
goddamn city.
Why not just give life a chance? Sure, it's been hard, but in the end, it has to be worth it. You can't just give up. You have to keep fighting. Even if it feels pointless now, it's not.
Just let people in. Let them help.
You owe it to them, if not yourself, to try.
Please?
oh non-believer, please believe me.
is there honestly nothing in this world
that keeps you living & breathing?
you're a ghost in your own
goddamn city.
Maybe you just put your faith in the wrong people. Believe me, even if it doesn't seem like it, there's always going to be people you can trust. Sure, there'll be ones you can't, but there are always ones who want to help too.
Please just stop and think about this. I don't want to see you hurt yourself.
oh non-believer, please believe me.
is there honestly nothing in this world
that keeps you living & breathing?
you're a ghost in your own
goddamn city.
No, they are not. Honestly, there are people who want to help. Like me. You can trust me. I'm really trying to help. *hugs*
I doubt it's anyone's ambition in life just to hurt you. Half the time they probably don't mean to hurt you anyway. I know that it's hard, but sometimes you can't do it alone. You have to let people help. There are people you can trust, I swear. You just have to find them, and let them in.
oh non-believer, please believe me.
is there honestly nothing in this world
that keeps you living & breathing?
you're a ghost in your own
goddamn city.
